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Sunday, August 17, 2008

Struggling

Chemo stinks. I'm not gonna lie. I am so tired it is all I can do to get up, go to the bathroom, and make it back to the couch. Chemo is a weird thing, especially for me. When I was diagnosed with cancer on June 12Th, up until my first chemo treatment, I never once felt "sick." Even through all my surgery, I never felt as if I had cancer. Now that I actually don't have cancer and am just being treated for preventative reasons, I feel more affected by cancer than I ever have. My bones ache, my throat hurts, I'm tired, I have no energy, and the list goes on. I just can't seem to get it together. The ONLY thing, and I mean the ONLY thing that is keeping me going at this moment is knowing that I don't have cancer, no matter how bad I might feel. I also keep telling myself that this part of the journey will be over in just a few months. I didn't expect everyday to be a walk in the park, but I also didn't expect this to be so hard on my body. I know that God is not going to give me more than I can handle and there is comfort in that.

Please pray that God will give me strength. I am looking for just 10 or 15 minutes where I really feel like playing or reading a book with Charley. I know it seems like such a small, insignificant amount of time, but just 10 minutes would mean the world to me.

2 comments:

H P Austin said...

Oh Mel,

I am so sad that you are down. Hang in there. Please let me help you tomorrow. Anything you need. I can come clean, cook, play with C, read you some good Hollywood gossip from People Magazine, paint your toes, whatever you need. Call me tomorrow morning. We will be home tonight at 10:45ish. We are praying for you. Lots of love, Hil & Kev

Anne said...

This completely sucks. I wish so badly I could be there for you, you have no idea. However, I am praying so hard for you, Ryan and Charley. I am trying to zap some of my nervous energy to you right now....I hope you are getting it.

I am emailing you some information about accomodations when you get your chemo treatment. When my mom was treated at Siteman, they had accomodations for patients. Check your mail!

LOVE YOU!

Anne