After today, I will only have four more days to enjoy my breast. I know that sounds a little weird, but I think I may have taken them for granted in the past. Thinking about never seeing them again kind of makes me sad. It does help when I think about my breast being deadly. That helps convince me that they must go. The one thing I have noticed over the past couple of weeks is that the only time I actually see my breast is when I am getting out of the shower or getting dressed. Other than that, they are always covered up. With that being said, I am at ease knowing that I will one day have breast again, maybe ones that are even better than these!
I haven't been sleeping very well at night. The thought of surgery is always looming over my head or present in my dreams. Today, Ryan hung a new calendar in our office. I purchased this calendar so that Ryan would be able to help me keep track of when to take my anti-nausea medicine throughout chemo. The calendar won't be serving that purpose for a few more weeks. However, today I went ahead and wrote all the dates on it for July and started filling in the days with our scheduled appointments. When I got to July 11Th, I first thought about writing "Surgery" accompanied with a sad face. However, I knew that this was not something to grieve over but rather to celebrate. So instead, I wrote the words "Cancer Free!" with a smiley face. God does not want me to fear nor worry about next Friday. I firmly believe that He wants me to hold my head up high and know that I am being obedient to Him. He has been so gracious to me through this entire experience. He has answered prayer after prayer. And now, He has given me the opportunity to completely remove this cancer from my body. I will obey Him and I will glorify Him through the entire experience. I will continue to allow Him to use me as a tool to further His kingdom, no matter what that may entail.