A New Fight

Cancer sucks. I just don't know how else to put it...well, I can think of a few other ways but I will keep those thoughts stored away in my head. I can't help but wonder what's in the water sometimes. Last week we found out that my father-in-law has throat cancer. Less than two years after my diagnosis and we are dealing with cancer in our family once again. It's just as hard to come to terms with his diagnosis as it was mine in June 2008. We do not know many of the details at this point. What we do know is that he has been told the cancer is inoperable without major disfiguartion. With that being said, Ryan and I have encouraged him and my mother-in-law to seek a second opinion.

When we first learned of his diagnosis, Ryan and I couldn't help but praise God for knowledge and wisdom. Less than two years ago I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and had received treatment at one of the best cancer treatment center's in America, Siteman Cancer Treatment Center in St. Louis, MO. I had been blessed with an oncologist that believed I would survive and did everything in his power to ensure that is exactly what happened. With that being said, Ryan and I have arranged for his dad to see an oncologist at Siteman as well. We want nothing more than for him to receive the best possible care and be completely cured, both of which we know he will receive at Siteman.

When I first started this blog, the one thing I asked was that for everyone who read my blog to say a prayer for me. I have no doubt that the thousands upon thousands of prayers played a role in my complete healing. I would like to ask that anyone who reads this posting today or in the coming days or months, say a prayer for my father-in-law. His name is Roger and his wife is Sharon. We know God is faithful in his promises and we know that NOTHING is to big for God. Thank you in advance for your prayers!

Blessings!

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not harm you; plans to bring you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Bigger and Better

I was so relieved last January when I had finally completed my last surgery and knew I was well on my way to living a healthy life. It took several months for my new boobies to heal and for me to get a good idea of how they would look. Once they were completely healed I noticed that they seemed a little flat and wide. I thought perhaps it was just my perception of them so I of course enlisted the opinion of my husband and several girl friends. The census was out and they were indeed flat...and wide. Now, after having gone through losing my breasts at a mere 28 years old, flat and wide was not exactly what I had pictured for myself when this was all said and done. Although I new that my boobs would never look as good as the woman who gets implants and already has boobs, I expected that something could be done to improve my look.

After visiting with my plastic surgeon (whom I adore) he explained to me that the implants I currently had were called Moderate Plus Profile. Apparently these implants are used in most cases. However, since I did not have any breast tissue to support these implants, the silicone inside just seemed to kind of spread out creating a flat and wide breast. I can't imagine the image you have in your head right now! My plastic surgeon explained to me that in some cases a high profile implant can be used. This type of implant sticks out further and sits up higher on the chest. I loved the sound of that and he was convinced I would be a great candidate for this type of implant. I was now scheduled for more surgery in less than a week! So, in April of 2009 I had my first set of implants removed and expanders put back in. These expanders stretched my skin forward, rather than out to the side. They were actually expanders that are used specifically for women who choose the high profile implants. After a few months of stretching skin, I had my high-profile implants installed. I LOVE THEM!!! Not only are they better...they are bigger! Now, don't worry, they aren't Heidi Montag big. They are just perfect...but certainly bigger than what I had before this journey began.

If you are facing breast reconstruction in the future, know that there are different types of implants! The thought of getting a boob job prior to breast cancer had never even crossed my mind...ok...maybe it had crossed my mind but it wasn't an option. I was uneducated so therefore I didn't ask many questions when discussing my implant options. Make sure you know what you are getting before it's to late. For me, the worst part about it was knowing that I was racking up another $5000 in medical bills. However, I new I wouldn't be happy until my flat and wide boobies were bigger and better!


The image below shows the three different types of memory gel implants. The second implant is the one I had the first time. The third implant is the one I currently have. Can You See The Difference?



For more information on implants, click HERE!!

I'm Back!!!

A little over a year ago I made what I thought would be my last blog post. I have come back to this blog time and time again and read through my postings, sometimes not believing that what I read is MY journey. It seems unreal to think that almost two years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Wow. I continue to receive emails from women who are somehow led to my blog and are inspired. What a blessing they are to me knowing that my blog continues to serve the purpose I intended. With each new email I have often wondered if perhaps I should begin blogging again. Why not continue to offer a message of hope? There are so many wonderful things I could share since completing my journey. So...here I am. Renewed and Refreshed. I hope all of you who joined me on my journey with breast cancer will now join me in the journey of life. I am so excited for all that God has planned and how He will continue to use my blog to bring hope to others. God Bless!!

One Final Post: Goodbye To My breast cancer Journey

I have been debating for about a week now on whether or not I should continue posting on this blog. The original purpose of this blog was to document my journey with breast cancer. I wanted a place to express my fears, my anxieties, my faith, and much more. I wanted to inspire others going through the same thing and I wanted to share all the ways in which God touched my life and the life of my family. In addition, I wanted to create this blog so that one day I could share it with my daughter, Charley. Because breast cancer is prevalent within my family, I do not know what the future holds for Charley. My hope and prayer is that she will never have to look breast cancer in the face. However, if that day should ever come, I want her to be able to read what was written in this blog and feel as confident and faithful as I did.

Now that my reconstruction surgery is complete, I am officially on the other side of what began almost 7 months ago. I have no idea what 2009 will bring and will not hesitate to add a posting if necessary. So, I would encourage you to check back occasionally. What I do know is that I am ready to resume a life that breast cancer is not a part of. For that reason, this will be my last posting. I will never forget all the people that I met and came to know throughout this journey. I will never forget all the meals that were provided, the cards that were sent with love, and all the different ways people showed Ryan, Charley, and myself grace. I will never forget how my mom and dad encouraged me everyday. I will never forget how Ryan stood by my side as he watched chemotherapy suck the life out of me. I will never forget how he supported and loved me in a way that I could never have imagined. I will never forget how 2008 changed my life.

I am a breast cancer survivor. My prayer is that as more and more women are diagnosed with breast cancer, they will somehow come across my blog and read from beginning to end how a woman in her 20's fought and won the battle. I hope other women will recognize the importance of being proactive. Most importantly, I hope all that read this blog will realize that all things are possible in Christ who strengthens them. God Bless!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Happy New Year!

The past two days I have been trying to heal from my surgery. I have been REALLY sore - more than I expected. In fact, this surgery has been much more painful than my mastectomy. I do feel better today than I have the past two days. I came out of surgery wearing a very stylish bra that I am lucky enough to get to wear 24 hours a day for another week. Ugh. I will say that it is holding everything together very nicely.

This morning I got to see my new friends for the first time. I have to say I am very impressed. When I got home I was a little worried that I looked flat. Now that I have taken the guaze off, I can honestly say that I am pleased. My mom called me a couple of days ago advising me not to post any pics of my new friends on the blog. Don't worry mom, the thought of doing that had not even crossed my mind, although I know some of you out there are curious! I have to say the best part of it all is that my breast now feel like.......breast! No more cannon balls! I am looking forward to buying some new bras and some new clothes in the coming weeks!

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's Eve. I had never really thought much about New Year's Eve or New Year's Day. However, this year really symbolizes a new beginning. 2009 will be a year to remember for different reasons! Happy New Year!

The FINAL Chapter......Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009!!

Well, I finally made it. December 29Th.......a day that I have been anxiously waiting for. This morning I will have surgery to replace my tissue expanders with implants. For those of you who have been keeping up with my blog, you know that I have not been a fan of the tissue expanders. First of all, they are rock hard.....and I am not kidding! Second, they have made my newly formed breasts very uneven. The purpose of the tissue expanders is to stretch the skin and that is about it. So, for more than five months I have walked around with what feels like cannon balls on my chest, absolutely no cleavage, and two "breasts" that are somewhat disfigured. However, today is a new day! I'm not exactly sure how long the procedure will take, but my plastic surgeon will remove the expanders, clean out all the scar tissue, hopefully create some cleavage (can you believe they can do that?) and then slip in some nice silicone implants. In addition, he is also going to remove my port. This is almost as exciting as getting new boobs. My port represents the beginning of this journey. It was the first thing I had put in just a few weeks after my diagnosis. It was used at every chemo treatment. Today, I get to kiss it goodbye.

I am so happy to be able to close out 2008 by having this surgery before the New Year. 2008 was not a very good year for our family or for many of our friends. Yesterday morning at church, Pastor Curt gave a sermon on being thankful. He explained how we are to be thankful in all of our circumstances, not just those that go our way. I have not been perfect by any stretch of the imagination, however, I have tried my best to be thankful for what God has done for me. I often think of all the prayers he has answered and am amazed by His graciousness and mercy. Yesterday Ryan and I were talking how in the midst of all the grief, pain, uncertainty, and doubt, that God continued to pull us through and ultimately made things easy for us. Please don't think for a second that the past 6 months were a walk in the park. However, because of our relationship with God and all the people praying for us, we were able to make it through this journey with our heads held high and with an end in sight. Praise God!

December 29Th has always been a significant day in our house. Ryan and I were married 7 years ago today. We could NEVER have imagined what our 7Th year of marriage would bring. Nor, could we ever have imagined that on our 7Th wedding anniversary I would be getting implants. (Happy Anniversary Ryan!) In addition to our anniversary, our daughter Charley is 2 1/2 today. I was diagnosed two weeks before her second birthday. To think that she is 2 1/2 today is just another reminder of how quickly the past six months have gone by. I am looking forward to being the mother and wife I was before my diagnosis....only better!

In closing, I am going to paste an older post below. This was the post that I did the morning before I went to the hospital for my bilateral mastectomy on July 16Th. That was a hard day, but also the day I became cancer free. When I left the hospital two days later, I still had a four months of chemotherapy ahead of me. Tonight when I leave the hospital, I have life ahead of me. I hope those of you who have continued to follow this blog have found yourself inspired. I hope you have found encouragement in the midst of your own trials. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. ~ God Bless ~

Blog Entry: July 16Th 2008

Would you believe that I actually slept for about 4 hours last night? God was gracious in giving me at least that much sleep. I did wake up a little earlier than I had hoped, but now I am able to squeeze one more post in before heading to the hospital. This is it. Today God is taking this awful cancer from my body and I am faithful that I will never have to worry about cancer again. Thank you Lord.

Most of you know my husband Ryan, but for those of you who do not, let me tell you that he is the most compassionate and loving man I know. Yesterday, he sent me an email that really portrays who he is as a person. I wanted to share it with all of you so you would know the strength and encouragement that I am so very fortunate to have from Ryan. Here is the email that he sent me:

"Mel, you are more than a conqueror! You are guided by God....you cannot lose....He battles for you! Be comforted, accept the peace He offers you through this journey...its yours for the taking.

I, along with our entire family, are backing you up 100%!!

Thank you for what you are doing about this breast cancer...THANK YOU!!! I can't wait to see the look on Charley's face one of these days when she realizes how much her Mommy loves her!!! That will be a great day!

Stay strong, there are many people who are relying on you right now. As for Charley and I, no worries, no drama.....just know we love you and will be by your side for every moment of this! We look forward to NOON tomorrow....cancer free."

Lord, thank you for Ryan. Thank you for giving me such a loving husband who stands firm in his faith and sees the goodness you are bringing to our family through this unfortunate circumstance. We know that this is all a part of your perfect plan for my life. Lord, be with me this morning. Take every ounce of this cancer from my body. I pray that the cancer would still be contained to the breast. Be with Dr. Cavagnol and Dr. Geter as you use them to heal me and make me whole. Be their hands and comfort them as they work on me. Bring me strength and healing Lord. Let this be a day of celebration as you heal me from cancer. Allow peace to overcome fear and perseverance to overcome doubts. God you are so good. I love you. Continue to use me to further you kingdom. Amen.

Time to be CANCER FREE!!!

Merry Christmas!

I cannot believe that Christmas is only two days away. I have to admit that Christmas caught me totally off guard this year. The past six months have been crazy, to say the least, and I just wasn't prepared like I should have been. I spent last weekend Christmas shopping, frantically shopping at Walmart yesterday for my baking ingredients, and I will spend all day today making a load of cookies. As crazy as shopping was this past weekend, it was a wonderful feeling to look around at all the hustle and bustle and to be a part of it. In years past, I would have NEVER gone out the weekend before Christmas to do my shopping. However, it didn't bother me this year. I loved knowing that I was alive and healthy and so happy that I could be a part of all the holiday frenzy. I am looking forward to the coming days and spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family. We all have so much to be thankful for this year!

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!

Waiting Patiently

Two weeks from today I will have surgery to replace my extremely uncomfortable expanders with nice, soft, silicone implants. Tomorrow will mark 5 months since my bilateral mastectomy. That is so hard to believe. That same day I had my expanders put in and have been uncomfortable since. I can't tell you how much I am looking foward to getting them removed. December 29th will be the final chapter of this journey. I will continue to see Dr. Ellis throughout 2009. Although some days are harder than others, I am believing that I have forever been healed from cancer. I continue to pray everyday that God would show me how to use what I have been through to touch the lives of others. I will continue to listen and wait patiently. I know God will open that door when He is ready.

Now that I am feeling better and moving on with my life, I am trying to make the necessary choices to ensure a future without cancer. However, eating right and exercising (or just finding the time to do so) does not always come easy for me. I would appreciate your prayers in regards to this matter. I want nothing more than to take the life and body that God has so graciously blessed me with a second time, and honor and glorify Him. Doing this requires me to be less selfish with my time and more obedient in what He wants for my life. I want to do EVERYTHING I know how to live the rest of my life cancer FREE! Happy Holidays and God Bless!

Living a "Normal" Life

Hello Everyone! Last night as I was scrolling through different blogs, I realized that I had not updated mine since my last chemo treatment! This made me realize two things: 1) My life the past two weeks has resumed to almost the way it was before I was diagnosed with cancer. Since my last treatment, I have felt better and better each day. 2)Not updating the blog means that I have been spending less time on the computer and more time with Charley and Ryan, out and about. What a wonderful thing! I would normally be gearing up for another treatment this week and not having to plan a trip to St. Louis is a little odd, but I'm not complaining.

Ryan did have to give me the Neulasta shot last time and that has contributed to some bone pain, particularly in my lower back. I still have tremendous pain there occasionally. I know it is a side effect of the Taxol and that the Neulasta only magnifies that pain. The pain is getting better with each day and if this is the only lasting side effect, I am blessed!

I would ask for those of you reading this to pray for my friend, Mary, in New York. As many of you know, we were diagnosed at about the same time, and have undergone our surgeries and treatments at the same time. We met through my blog and have been great companions for each other through all of this. Mary is having her reconstruction surgery tomorrow along with a hysterectomy and her ovaries removed. Please pray that she would have a quick and speedy recovery and that the surgery would go smoothly.

I hope you are all having a blessed December!

Adios Chemos

Well I did it. I had my last chemotherapy treatment on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. I actually completed 8 treatments with the first four being Adriamycin and Cytoxin and the last four being Taxol. It's hard to believe that I stared chemo at the beginning of August, had my surgery in July, was diagnosed in June, and discovered the lump in May. Boy has it been a whirlwind of events since the beginning of all this. I am so thankful that my God held my hand through every treatment, every tear, every doubt, and every angry moment. Thank you God for never giving up on me.

Secondly, thank you Ryan for your unconditional love. If there is one thing that chemotherapy does to you, it really messes with your hormones and your mood. I wouldn't be being honest if I said that I never got angry or mad at Ryan at least once during each treatment. If you have had chemo, you understand what I am talking about, if not, don't bother asking. A good example of what chemo does is occurring at this very minute. It is currently 1:22 am and I am posting this blog. Not because I am just so excited to do a post, but because the steroid I am currently coming off of gives me more energy than I can stand. I will be lucky if I dose back to sleep tonight. Actually, if I leave about right now I bet I can get a great spot in line at Best Buy or Kohl's for Black Friday shopping! Uhhhh...no thanks! Anyway, back to what I was saying, Ryan has been a huge stepping stone for me throughout this entire process. I wasn't exactly the easiest person to live with before all of this, and then with chemo added to the mix, I know there were days where Ryan was just praying that he would make it through the day....and he always did, by the grace of God. Although I am Charley's mother and always will be, Ryan had to play the roll of Mr. Mom on several occasions. On the few nights I did feel like reading a book to Charley before she went to bed, I would always notice that she was able to point and say the different names of pictures that she had not been able to recognize before. I knew that Ryan had taught Charley these things and in those moments I realized there were some things I had missed out on.

Ryan and I definitely had our moments. I'm not going to lie. Not everything was always "peachy." In the same way I was fighting to beat breast cancer, Ryan was watching me fight breast cancer, feeling helpless, as if he should be the one with the cancer, not me. I think all to often I forgot how those closest to me were also affected by my cancer diagnosis and I have had to remind myself several times that I am not the only victim. Everyone had to deal with it in their own way. Ryan, you were an amazing husband to me throughout all of this. Your were ALWAYS there for me whenever I needed you. You took the weight of the world upon your shoulders and you rarely blinked an eye. You took care of Charley, you took care of me, and you continued to run a business and support your family the best way you knew how. I love you more than you could possibly ever know. You are such an incredible man of God and I have been blessed by you and Charley everyday. The screaming, laughing, and craziness is just what I needed.......sometimes! I love you!

Not only was I a wife and mother suffering from breast cancer at such a young age, I was also a daughter, an only child. My mom knew the battle I was up against when I was diagnosed. She had been diagnosed almost exactly 20 years earlier. She told me it wasn't going to be easy and when it was over I would wonder how I ever made it through. It certainly wasn't easy. That part she was right about. However, I know I made it because of the grace of God, and because of people like her, my dad, Ryan, my in-laws, and so many others who refused to give up on me. We were all suffering in one way or another in the beginning and honestly, I can't imagine what it must have felt like to hear that their only daughter had breast cancer. I pray those are words that my ears never have to hear. I would do it all over again, and again, if I knew it would spare my child. My mom and dad did countless things throughout this process that helped tremendously. One of those things was always giving me encouragement. When I would question the decisions I had made or just feel doubtful, my mom was always there to reassure me. That made a huge difference coming from my mom who had been through this exact thing 20 years earlier, and was still alive!! My dad called me every day that I had a treatment. He would call me from work just to wish me luck, tell me he loves me, and always to tell me how proud he was of me. The past week was extra special when he called to tell me that I had done it, I had beaten the cancer and the chemo journey was going to finally be over. I love you mom and dad and I could NEVER repay you for what you have done for Ryan and I throughout this journey.

My in-laws, Roger and Sharon, were also a huge help. They watched Charley numerous times over the past 5 months and were always there when we call at the last minute. We still do that!!! Our families have grown so much closer through all of this. Something like cancer really makes you value the importance of family and friends.

I could go on and on forever about all the people who have changed my life and made an impact. This post mentions the people closest to me. In the coming days and weeks I plan to write about more people who touched my life throughout this journey. For now, the chemo journey has ended and in the words of Dr. Ellis, "You are cured." Praise Jesus!

Final Treatment.....Number 8!

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