My FIGHT Against breast cancer

Introducing Chandler Mae

2011-10-11T12:03:00.000-05:00

Wow! So much has happened since my last posting! The last time I posted I was sharing the good news that I was pregnant! This was something that my husband and I wanted greatly. We had accepted that we might not be able to have more children, so when we found out we were expecting, we were thrilled! We had especially wanted to give our oldest daughter, Charley, a sibling. On August 27th, Chandler Mae Wasson was born into this world. She has been such a blessing to our family. Every time I look at her, I am reminded of how truly blessed I am to have been able to bring her into this world.

So now, nearly 3 1/2 years after breast cancer, I have two beautiful daughter's and life is in full swing. When I found out I had breast cancer, Charley was just two weeks shy of her second birthday. Now that she is five years old, we often talk about "Mommy's breast cancer" and she remembers bits and pieces of that journey. What she remembers and knows most is that Mommy was sick. I always want Charley to see me as a fighter. Being that my breast cancer was genetic and I am a carrier for the BRCA 1 genetic mutation, I realize that both my girls have a 50% chance of carrying the gene as well. With that in mind, I can think of no greater impact than making sure my girls are well informed of their risks and the decisions that will lay before them should they test positive for the BRCA mutation.

I am so thankful for my life. I am blessed beyond belief with a wonderful, hard-working husband, two beautiful girls, a loving God, and my health. What more could a girl ask for?

Everyday women are being told they have breast cancer. Some of these women are young like I was, with their whole life ahead of them. When you hear the words, "You have breast cancer," your initial reaction is to reach out and search for women like yourself that have fought and won the battle. You are looking for hope in the midst of despair. It is my ongoing prayer that women who come across my blog will be encouraged and find that hope by reading about my journey. I am no doubt "Blessed to be a Blessing" believing that the "Best is Yet to Come."

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not harm you. Plans to bring you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Big News!!!!!

2011-02-20T09:08:00.000-06:00

Hello World! I feel so horrible for neglecting my blog for so long! I cannot tell you the number of times I have attempted to update my blog and something else has prevented that from happening. When I am working on a new post, I really like to be in the right mind-set. Knowing that so many are reading my blog, makes each posting so much more meaningful. So, here it is.....one of the most exciting post I have probably ever written. I really hope that the women reading this, especially the young women, will feel encouraged by what I am about to announce. I think the picture below says it all!

Meet Apple (This is what my daughter has named the baby! No worries.....it will not be named Apple.)

That's right! I am pregnant! 2 1/2 years after finding out that I had breast cancer and might never be able to have more children, a miracle occurred. My husband and I are expecting our second child in early September. Before I was diagnosed, we always knew that we wanted two children. In fact, we were planning on trying to get pregnant around the same time I was diagnosed, so our plans for more children were derailed. Our mentality slowly turned from wanting more children, to feeling so blessed that we already had a beautiful daughter and if no more children were a possibility, we would be OK with that. The doctors had all warned me that my fertility might be affected by the chemotherapy and part of what they said was true. Shortly after my first treatment, my menstrual cycles ended for 9 months. On June 12th, 2009, exactly one year from my diagnosis, my menstrual cycle returned and my husband and I knew that more children might very well be a possibility for us in the future.

I do think it is important to note that we did not decide to start trying for more children until I was given the OK from my oncologist. In fact, there was a time when my oncologist encouraged us to wait and we did just that. It is also important for those of you reading this to know that my breast cancer was Triple Negative.....meaning it was negative for all hormones. The only treatment available for this type of breast cancer is surgery, chemo, and radiation. With triple negative, I did not have to take any type of hormone therapy after the completion of my treatment. If you are a young woman who has been diagnosed with breast cancer and are worried about not being able to have children or perhaps add to your family, know that it is possible. Do not give up hope. However, listen to your doctor's. Every woman's situation is different and every woman must make decisions based on their individual circumstances.

This blog has been such an incredible tool in reaching women from all over the world who have been affected by breast cancer. My prayer is that women will continue to be encouraged and find strength and hope in reading about my journey with breast cancer.......and now my new little miracle.

God Bless!

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not harm you; plans to bring you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Back to Salt Lake City!

2010-11-14T07:51:00.000-06:00

This past week, I was fortunate to travel back to Salt Lake City and speak for the first time as an official part of the BRAC pack. What an incredible experience! Being the Type A personality that I am, I wanted to make sure that I was overly organized. I worked countless hours on making sure that my presentation would make an impact. My audience: new Sales Reps for Myriad Genetics. These are the men and women who go out in the field and try to stress the importance of genetic testing to oncology and OBGYN offices.....many of which are not doing genetic testing at this time. My job was to give these REPS an actual face and story to put with this genetic testing process.

I have spoke on several different occasions in the past......none of which have been about genetic testing. I love to share my story with others. This time was so different from past speaking engagements. I found myself feeling more passionate about telling my story than I ever have. I was not speaking to just any group.....I was speaking to individuals who have the opportunity to go out and potentially help save lives. I wanted my presentation to leave a lasting impression on these newly seasoned sales reps. The greatest part of the entire experience was the warmth I felt from all of them. They were all in tune to what I was sharing and I could tell that I tugged on some of their heart strings. Their job as a Sales Rep was no longer just "a job". It became a mission.

I am anxiously awaiting my next opportunity to share my story......wherever that may be. From the day I was diagnosed back on June 12th, 2008, I knew that God would use me and my journey to make a big impact someday. I just wasn't sure how or when. Almost 2 1/2 years later, I can now see both. I feel as if I am fulfilling a great part of my purpose in life. What excites me most is knowing that THE BEST IS YET TO COME and I can't wait to see what that entails!

God Bless!!

BRAC Pack

2010-10-23T16:27:00.000-05:00

This past week I traveled to Salt Lake City. It was an INCREDIBLE trip. I am fortunate to be a part of what is called the BRAC Pack. The BRAC Pack is made up of a group of individuals from across the country that have been tested for the BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 mutation. Our job is to help educate others about the importance of genetic testing and their risk for Hereditary Breast or Ovarian Cancer, also known as HBOC. Shortly after my diagnosis of breast cancer, I was tested for the mutation. I tested positive for BRCA 1. BRCA mutations increase breast and ovarian cancer risks. If you test positive for a BRCA mutation, you have up to a 50 % chance of developing breast cancer by age 50, up to an 87% chance of developing breast cancer by age 70, and up to a 44% chance of developing ovarian cancer by age 70. The statistics are outstanding. However, they are also avoidable.

If you have a family history of breast or ovarian cancer, PLEASE talk to your physician or OBGYN about your risks. I had my first mammogram at the age of 25 because my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at only 35 years old. Unfortunately, no physician or OBGYN shared with me the importance of genetic testing. At the age of 26, I gave birth to my daughter Charley. Two years later, my husband and I were ready to add to our family. However, that never happened. Instead, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Hearing the words "You have breast cancer" could have been avoided. If only at the age of 25, someone had seen my family history as concerning. If only someone would have talked to me about the importance of genetic testing, perhaps, I could have avoided hearing the words "You have breast cancer." I could have avoided facing death and the fear of leaving my husband and daughter.

PLEASE do yourself a favor, and talk to your physician about your family history and genetic testing. Sometimes, you have to be your own advocate. Unfortunately, not all physicians are as concerned about your health as you are.

If you would like more information on genetic testing, please visit BracAnalysis, or contact me at myfightagainstbreast@hotmail.com. Also, please contact me if you or someone you know would be interested in having me share my story. Genetic testing can potentially change the future of you or your loved ones.

I feel so blessed to be a part of something so great! My hope is that I will be able to share my story with women....AND men....all over the world, and that in doing so, more and more lives will be impacted and potentially saved from ever hearing the words...."You have breast cancer."

God Bless!!

Gearing up for Utah

2010-10-14T07:00:00.000-05:00

Whew! It has been a hectic couple of weeks around the Wasson house. We have been busy, busy, busy! Just last night I asked Ryan what happened to the relaxing days of summer? It seems that ever since Charley started back to preschool that our lives have been going full speed. Although things are somewhat crazy, I cherish each day for the simple fact that I am alive and have been blessed with another day......no matter how crazy!

Next week I will be leaving for Salt Lake City, Utah for my training as a patient speaker for Myriad Genetic Testing Lab. I will be joined by 10 - 15 other women who have also tested positive the BRCA 1 or BRCA 2. I am so excited for this opportunity! It is incredibly bittersweet! I realize that this opportunity came to be because I was diagnosed with breast cancer.....something that NO woman should have to face. However, I have always been a positive person when it comes to my breast cancer journey and believe that I have been healed because God has great things planned for my life. I am now seeing a glimpse into those GREAT things.

Whether it is breast cancer, divorce, or the death of a loved one, we will all face tragedy in our lives. I believe that within every tragedy, there is anopportunity to make a difference. I made the choice to Rise Up and use my tragedy to hopefully encourage and inspire women from all over the world......and you can do the same thing!

I can't wait to share all the details of my trip to Utah with all of you! Here I come Park City!

Blessings!

Blessed with another BIRTHDAY!

2010-09-18T08:34:00.000-05:00

Our age signifies so much about our life. Here are some examples:

1. I met Ryan when I was 14.

2. I started dating Ryan when I was 15.

3. I married Ryan when I was 22.

4. I gave birth to Charley when I was 26.

5. I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 28.

We remember events from our life based on our age. I NEVER thought that when I turned 28 years old, I would be diagnosed with breast cancer later that year. I wonder what the age 31 will bring? There are some great things happening in my life right now and I have to admit, I am so happy with all that God is doing. One of the consistent slogans at the church I attend is "The Best is Yet to come." I love believing that THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

I have no way of knowing what this year will bring. However, the one thing I do know is that I have been blessed with an incredible family. I have the most wonderful and supportive husband. Ryan is truly my best friend. I have an incredible daughter who absolutely loves life. I have two incredible parents who have helped mold me into the person I am today.

So, here's to another cancer-free birthday!
May this year be full of blessings, for THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

Being Your Own ADVOCATE

2010-09-16T11:39:00.000-05:00

Being diagnosed with cancer taught me a lot of things. One of the greatest things it taught me was the importance of being my own advocate.  You can't exactly treat cancer with an antibiotic. If you go to the doctor for a sinus infection and the doctor prescribes medicine, you may or may not take it. Regardless, the sinus infection will more than likely go away over time. Cancer is different. The majority of society knows little to nothing about the complexity of cancer and what drugs are necessary to fight it off. With that being said, cancer patients tend to trust their physicians without asking a lot of questions. I mean.....what do we know?  THEY must know what methods will work best in fighting this deadly disease. Our life is in THEIR hands. Since my diagnoses I have met numerous women who have found a lump in their breast and because they were "to young to be diagnosed with breast cancer", they were told to keep an eye on it over the next few months. For women without a family history or who are uneducated about the risk of developing breast cancer, this may not seem like an unreasonable request. They trust their physician knows best and they are given the confidence and comfort that it is more than likely nothing to worry about......and in most cases, this is true.  However, there are women who are not as fortunate. They wait, they watch, and a follow-up appointment leads to devastating news. The small lump that was there a few months ago, has grown, possibly spread, and is in fact....breast cancer.

Although I had a strong family history, I too was told that the lump I had discovered was more than likely nothing more than a fibroadenoma.  I found comfort in the fact that my doctor believed it was nothing more....despite a grandmother who had died from the disease and a mother that had been diagnosed almost exactly 20 years earlier. An ultrasound led to a mammogram, a mammogram to a biopsy, and a biopsy to a breast cancer diagnosis. All of sudden, that same doctor who had given me the confidence that I had nothing to worry about was now telling me that the prognosis of a woman my age diagnosed with breast cancer was not good.  That was 2 1/2 years ago.....and here I am, alive and well. I think the prognosis is better than what he assumed it to be. However, I might stand corrected had I not insisted on getting a mammogram.  I cannot speculate what might have been, however, I can compare my own circumstances to those who have been told they are to young to get breast cancer, and are now in the fight of their life.

This posting is not meant to speak against those in the medical profession. I credit all those involved in my journey to helping save my life.  Whether you have been diagnosed with breast cancer or not, the thing I want all women to remember is that YOU are your own advocate. YOU know your body. A lump in your breast is not normal.  Does it mean it's cancer? Not necessarily. But wouldn't you rather know that it's not cancer, than to wait and take the chance of it being something much more serious.?  No one can physically fight breast cancer for you. The physicians can administer the drugs, the surgeons can remove your breasts.....but at the end of day, you are still the one left fighting.  Do not settle for less than the best. Every woman has something to live for. If you are not receiving the care that you know you deserve, it's time to find that team of doctors that will support you.

If you are a young woman, don't wait to do your self-exams. Start now.   You are NOT to young to develop breast cancer. Your odds might be less, but the fact is, young women are being diagnosed everyday. Take control of YOUR circumstances and YOUR life. Those who are closest to you and love you will thank you for BEING YOUR OWN ADVOCATE!

Words of Encouragement

2010-08-25T20:03:00.001-05:00

Last night I decided to take a journey down memory lane and I began reading my blog from the very beginning. As I read each posting, it was hard for me to believe that I was reading about MY journey with breast cancer.....and not someone else's. I was surprised by the amount of information I was able to share and as I continued to read, I was reminded of the feelings that a newly diagnosed woman faces. I was reminded of the outpouring of love from my husband, family, friends, and those I never even met. I was also reminded of my faith. Although I experienced every possible emotion throughout my journey, I knew from the very beginning that God was the only one who could heal my body, give me life, and bring me out of the pit of despair. I also believed that God would use my journey and story of survival to bring hope to others. Much of what strengthened me, and continues to do so today, was knowing that God was with me all the time. I did not have to fight the battle alone.

Since my blog always post my most recent entry first, I felt it necessary to share with those finding my blog for the first time, or perhaps those revisiting it for the hundredth time, scriptures of encouragement. I realize that not everyone who reads this is spiritual, religious, or a believer in Christ. However, I believe that if you are reading this posting, it is not by coincidence. No matter your circumstance, God is the only one who can truly heal, restore, and renew. I pray that the scriptures below will bring you comfort and encouragement.

God Bless!!

Proverbs 3: 5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; and in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.

John 14:18
I will not leave you desolate; I will come to you.

Romans 5: 3-4
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:13
For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; and I will help you.

Matthew 6:8
Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

Psalm 5:8
Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness because of my enemies-------make straight your way before me.

Psalm 139: 13-14
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful

1 Samuel 17:47
All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands.

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Philippians 4: 6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Cancer CANNOT take my Spirit!!

2010-08-13T17:12:00.000-05:00

It has been several weeks since I have posted anything....and I suppose that it is a good thing! Life has been good and life has been.....BUSY! Everyday I am encouraged by the number of people finding my blog, reading my blog, and sharing my blog with others. I love knowing that God is using me to encourage others...whether that be newly diagnosed women, or those dealing with a different struggle. Whatever it is, I pray that God would continue to use my blog to reach those needing encouragment and hope. When I was newly diagnosed, I came across a video on You Tube titled "Stepping Into The Ring." I watched it daily and each time it gave me great strength. After almost a year, I watched it again tonight. I have to say, it gave me the same strength and encouragement as two years ago and I wanted to share it with everyone who reads my blog! Enjoy and GOD BLESS!!!

Stepping Into the Ring by Nicole Johnson

Today I Celebrate Being a Survivor for Two Years!

2010-07-16T07:48:00.000-05:00

Two years ago today I had a bilateral mastectomy. It was a bitter sweet day. Walking into the hospital at 5:30 in the morning I knew I was going in with my breasts and I would leave without them. However, I also knew that I was walking in with cancer and would walk out cancer free. Having the bilateral mastectomy was just the beginning of the journey. Months of chemotherapy and reconstruction would follow. Now, two years later, I do not look like a woman who has had breast cancer. July 16th will always be a milestone in my life....another year of being cancer free. Praise the Lord!

Here are some pics that were taken the morning of my mastectomy and during my time in the hospital.

Before Surgery.....

Right after surgery. Charley brought me one of her stuffed animals from home.

Relaxing....or trying to relax!

Charley, Me, and Ryan

Two years later!!!!!

Susan Komen Race 2010

2010-07-11T13:48:00.000-05:00

Thank you God for Life and for the ability to bring hope to others! On June 12th, I ran (ok....I ran 1/2 of the time but that is only because it was 115 degrees) in the Susan Komen Race in St. Louis. Last year was my first year to run the race and it was at that time I decided that I would participate every year that I could from that point on. Being a part of the Susan Komen Race for a Cure is amazing. There are no words to describe the number of women affected by breast cancer or the number of people who participate. This year there were nearly 72,000 participants and 3.4 million raised to end breast cancer forever! It felt so good to have Ryan and Charley there with me. Charley actually walked in the Survivor Procession with me and that was EXTRA special. If you have never participated in a Susan Komen Race, I would highly encourage you to do so...whether you have been directly affected by breast cancer or not. It is incredibly inspiring to see so many come together for an amazing cause. Below is a link to a slide show I put together of the Race. The song "I Run for Life" by Melissa Etheridge plays along with the slide show. I heard it for the first time the day of the race and it really prepared me to run (walk) 3.1 miles. You will have to watch the slide show several times to hear the entire of the song...but it's worth it! Enjoy!

Susan Komen Race 2010

Hope Comes From Having Purpose

2010-07-09T16:18:00.015-05:00

After several months of neglecting this blog, I decided to pay it a visit. I was amazed by the number of people who still continue to find my blog and read about my journey. With that being said, I was disappointed in myself for not having posted anything sooner. So, for those who are currently visiting the blog.....I am here to tell you that LIFE IS GREAT!!! I have been enjoying a fun-filled summer with my daughter, Charley, and husband, Ryan. Charley turned 4 on June 29th. Two weeks before Charley turned 2 years old I was diagnosed with breast cancer. So, every birthday is a milestone. Not only is my daughter one year older, but I am one year further away from that diagnosis. Praise the Lord!

When I was first diagnosed, I chose to believe that it was for a reason. Although I was consumed with despair and feelings of fear....I really did believe that God would one day use me and my journey to make a difference. For the past two years, I have waited patiently for the Lord to open that door of opportunity and in the past few months, I have seen that door slowly begin to open. Glory to God! Just recently I received a call from Oglivy marketing firm in NY,NY. They have asked myself, along with several other women across the United States, to represent Myriad Genetic Testing as a patient speaker. I will be a part of what is called the BRCA Pack. This is a group of women who have tested positive for either the BRCA 1 or 2. Of these women, some have had cancer, some have not. Some have chosen to have prophylactic mastectomies as a preventative measure, and again, some have not. Some are like me and tested positive after they were diagnosed. The BRCA Pack represents a number of women affected in one way or another with the BRCA gene who want to share their story and be an advocate for genetic testing. In October, Ogilvy will fly me to Salt Lake City, Utah. That is where the Myriad Genetic Testing Lab is located. I will have a chance to share my story personally, meet with people from the marketing firm, and tour the lab. Once I return home, I will be used by Ogilvy to travel around the country and speak to physicians, media, and others on the importance of genetic testing along with sharing my personal story. I am so excited for this opportunity and know that it comes from God!

In addition to being a part of the BRCA pack, I am working closely with an amazing photographer on a possible project that could be life changing for those affected by breast cancer. I won't go into much detail now, as we are just in the beginning stages of the project. However, there is no doubt that God's favor is working. My prayer is that this project will bring hope to not only women affected directly by breast cancer, but hope to those who are affected indirectly. There are so many people that often get lost in the mix when a loved one or a friend is diagnosed. This project will be one that impacts husbands, children, friends, physicians, and others.

If you are reading this and have been diagnosed with breast cancer, don't give up hope....no matter where you are in your journey. I am currently reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. The following is an excerpt from his book: "Hope is essential to your life as air and water. You need hope to cope. Dr. Bernie Siegel found he could predict which of his cancer patients would go into remission by asking, "Do you want to live to be one hundred?" Those with a deep sense of life purpose answered yes and were the ones most likely to survive. Hope comes from having purpose." Being diagnosed with breast cancer is a horrible thing. I know first hand. However, your journey with breast cancer also gives you a great purpose in life, if you choose to believe that. God Bless!

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not harm you; plans to bring you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Getting Back to Healthy

2010-03-30T07:58:00.002-05:00

I am not a winter person. I LOVE fall and I LOVE Spring, but whatever that junk is in between, I am NOT a fan. Since I choose to live in the midwest where every season is very distinct, I do try and make the most of the long, cold winter. My three year old daughter thinks that the snow is AMAZING. I will admitt that it is fun to watch her face as she sleds or makes snow angels. However, it always seems our "fun" lasts about 15 minutes before she is a wet, cold mess. 15 minutes of fun when it took us at least 30 to get all our snow gear on. Oh Well.

Something else that winter does to me is takes away my enthusiasm to work-out. About a year ago I started running. I have NEVER been a runner. I was the kid in elementary school that would run a 20 min. mile and be the VERY LAST one to finish. I HATED running. After I was diagnosed with cancer, I knew that I would need to make some major changes in my life following my recovery. One of them being I needed to start exercising regularly. I live in a great neighborhood outside of the city limits where I can run and run and run. Once my body adjusted to a daily run of 2 to 3 miles, I really began to love it. My body would crave it. I was actually fortunate enough to participate in several 5K's over the next 6 months.

Then, came Old Man Winter. Running in the cold is like soaking my lungs in ice water. Therefore, I pretty much quit running for about 5 months. I know some of you are wondering why I didn't choose to go to a gym and run on a treadmill. First, going to the gym with my daughter is not an easy task and not one where I want to dish out money for childcare. The other thing is, I HATE running and not going anywhere! When I run, I want to see that I have made progress....that I'm actually getting somewhere. So, after months of little to no exercise, I feel that I am starting over. I have only run a few times in the recent weeks and I will say that this time around seemed easier than last year. I feel amazing after a good run. My goal is to get back into the swing of things and make sure that I run at least 2 miles daily. I know to some of you this sounds like very little, however to me, it is as if I am running a marathon.

I will keep you posted on my progress. My hope is that I will be able to participate in several 5K's in the coming months. I know I won't come in first, but I also know I won't be that same kid from elementary school that always came in last.

God Bless!

A New Fight

2010-02-10T07:13:00.003-06:00

Cancer sucks. I just don't know how else to put it...well, I can think of a few other ways but I will keep those thoughts stored away in my head. I can't help but wonder what's in the water sometimes. Last week we found out that my father-in-law has throat cancer. Less than two years after my diagnosis and we are dealing with cancer in our family once again. It's just as hard to come to terms with his diagnosis as it was mine in June 2008. We do not know many of the details at this point. What we do know is that he has been told the cancer is inoperable without major disfiguartion. With that being said, Ryan and I have encouraged him and my mother-in-law to seek a second opinion.

When we first learned of his diagnosis, Ryan and I couldn't help but praise God for knowledge and wisdom. Less than two years ago I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and had received treatment at one of the best cancer treatment center's in America, Siteman Cancer Treatment Center in St. Louis, MO. I had been blessed with an oncologist that believed I would survive and did everything in his power to ensure that is exactly what happened. With that being said, Ryan and I have arranged for his dad to see an oncologist at Siteman as well. We want nothing more than for him to receive the best possible care and be completely cured, both of which we know he will receive at Siteman.

When I first started this blog, the one thing I asked was that for everyone who read my blog to say a prayer for me. I have no doubt that the thousands upon thousands of prayers played a role in my complete healing. I would like to ask that anyone who reads this posting today or in the coming days or months, say a prayer for my father-in-law. His name is Roger and his wife is Sharon. We know God is faithful in his promises and we know that NOTHING is to big for God. Thank you in advance for your prayers!

Blessings!

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not harm you; plans to bring you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Bigger and Better

2010-01-27T06:10:00.014-06:00

I was so relieved last January when I had finally completed my last surgery and knew I was well on my way to living a healthy life. It took several months for my new boobies to heal and for me to get a good idea of how they would look. Once they were completely healed I noticed that they seemed a little flat and wide. I thought perhaps it was just my perception of them so I of course enlisted the opinion of my husband and several girl friends. The census was out and they were indeed flat...and wide. Now, after having gone through losing my breasts at a mere 28 years old, flat and wide was not exactly what I had pictured for myself when this was all said and done. Although I new that my boobs would never look as good as the woman who gets implants and already has boobs, I expected that something could be done to improve my look.

After visiting with my plastic surgeon (whom I adore) he explained to me that the implants I currently had were called Moderate Plus Profile. Apparently these implants are used in most cases. However, since I did not have any breast tissue to support these implants, the silicone inside just seemed to kind of spread out creating a flat and wide breast. I can't imagine the image you have in your head right now! My plastic surgeon explained to me that in some cases a high profile implant can be used. This type of implant sticks out further and sits up higher on the chest. I loved the sound of that and he was convinced I would be a great candidate for this type of implant. I was now scheduled for more surgery in less than a week! So, in April of 2009 I had my first set of implants removed and expanders put back in. These expanders stretched my skin forward, rather than out to the side. They were actually expanders that are used specifically for women who choose the high profile implants. After a few months of stretching skin, I had my high-profile implants installed. I LOVE THEM!!! Not only are they better...they are bigger! Now, don't worry, they aren't Heidi Montag big. They are just perfect...but certainly bigger than what I had before this journey began.

If you are facing breast reconstruction in the future, know that there are different types of implants! The thought of getting a boob job prior to breast cancer had never even crossed my mind...ok...maybe it had crossed my mind but it wasn't an option. I was uneducated so therefore I didn't ask many questions when discussing my implant options. Make sure you know what you are getting before it's to late. For me, the worst part about it was knowing that I was racking up another $5000 in medical bills. However, I new I wouldn't be happy until my flat and wide boobies were bigger and better!

The image below shows the three different types of memory gel implants. The second implant is the one I had the first time. The third implant is the one I currently have. Can You See The Difference?

For more information on implants, click HERE!!

I'm Back!!!

2010-01-26T15:05:00.016-06:00

A little over a year ago I made what I thought would be my last blog post. I have come back to this blog time and time again and read through my postings, sometimes not believing that what I read is MY journey. It seems unreal to think that almost two years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Wow. I continue to receive emails from women who are somehow led to my blog and are inspired. What a blessing they are to me knowing that my blog continues to serve the purpose I intended. With each new email I have often wondered if perhaps I should begin blogging again. Why not continue to offer a message of hope? There are so many wonderful things I could share since completing my journey. So...here I am. Renewed and Refreshed. I hope all of you who joined me on my journey with breast cancer will now join me in the journey of life. I am so excited for all that God has planned and how He will continue to use my blog to bring hope to others. God Bless!!

One Final Post: Goodbye To My breast cancer Journey

2009-01-07T13:25:00.004-06:00

I have been debating for about a week now on whether or not I should continue posting on this blog. The original purpose of this blog was to document my journey with breast cancer. I wanted a place to express my fears, my anxieties, my faith, and much more. I wanted to inspire others going through the same thing and I wanted to share all the ways in which God touched my life and the life of my family. In addition, I wanted to create this blog so that one day I could share it with my daughter, Charley. Because breast cancer is prevalent within my family, I do not know what the future holds for Charley. My hope and prayer is that she will never have to look breast cancer in the face. However, if that day should ever come, I want her to be able to read what was written in this blog and feel as confident and faithful as I did.

Now that my reconstruction surgery is complete, I am officially on the other side of what began almost 7 months ago. I have no idea what 2009 will bring and will not hesitate to add a posting if necessary. So, I would encourage you to check back occasionally. What I do know is that I am ready to resume a life that breast cancer is not a part of. For that reason, this will be my last posting. I will never forget all the people that I met and came to know throughout this journey. I will never forget all the meals that were provided, the cards that were sent with love, and all the different ways people showed Ryan, Charley, and myself grace. I will never forget how my mom and dad encouraged me everyday. I will never forget how Ryan stood by my side as he watched chemotherapy suck the life out of me. I will never forget how he supported and loved me in a way that I could never have imagined. I will never forget how 2008 changed my life.

I am a breast cancer survivor. My prayer is that as more and more women are diagnosed with breast cancer, they will somehow come across my blog and read from beginning to end how a woman in her 20's fought and won the battle. I hope other women will recognize the importance of being proactive. Most importantly, I hope all that read this blog will realize that all things are possible in Christ who strengthens them. God Bless!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T11:11:00.002-06:00

The past two days I have been trying to heal from my surgery. I have been REALLY sore - more than I expected. In fact, this surgery has been much more painful than my mastectomy. I do feel better today than I have the past two days. I came out of surgery wearing a very stylish bra that I am lucky enough to get to wear 24 hours a day for another week. Ugh. I will say that it is holding everything together very nicely.

This morning I got to see my new friends for the first time. I have to say I am very impressed. When I got home I was a little worried that I looked flat. Now that I have taken the guaze off, I can honestly say that I am pleased. My mom called me a couple of days ago advising me not to post any pics of my new friends on the blog. Don't worry mom, the thought of doing that had not even crossed my mind, although I know some of you out there are curious! I have to say the best part of it all is that my breast now feel like.......breast! No more cannon balls! I am looking forward to buying some new bras and some new clothes in the coming weeks!

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's Eve. I had never really thought much about New Year's Eve or New Year's Day. However, this year really symbolizes a new beginning. 2009 will be a year to remember for different reasons! Happy New Year!

The FINAL Chapter......Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009!!

2008-12-29T04:47:00.007-06:00

Well, I finally made it. December 29Th.......a day that I have been anxiously waiting for. This morning I will have surgery to replace my tissue expanders with implants. For those of you who have been keeping up with my blog, you know that I have not been a fan of the tissue expanders. First of all, they are rock hard.....and I am not kidding! Second, they have made my newly formed breasts very uneven. The purpose of the tissue expanders is to stretch the skin and that is about it. So, for more than five months I have walked around with what feels like cannon balls on my chest, absolutely no cleavage, and two "breasts" that are somewhat disfigured. However, today is a new day! I'm not exactly sure how long the procedure will take, but my plastic surgeon will remove the expanders, clean out all the scar tissue, hopefully create some cleavage (can you believe they can do that?) and then slip in some nice silicone implants. In addition, he is also going to remove my port. This is almost as exciting as getting new boobs. My port represents the beginning of this journey. It was the first thing I had put in just a few weeks after my diagnosis. It was used at every chemo treatment. Today, I get to kiss it goodbye.

I am so happy to be able to close out 2008 by having this surgery before the New Year. 2008 was not a very good year for our family or for many of our friends. Yesterday morning at church, Pastor Curt gave a sermon on being thankful. He explained how we are to be thankful in all of our circumstances, not just those that go our way. I have not been perfect by any stretch of the imagination, however, I have tried my best to be thankful for what God has done for me. I often think of all the prayers he has answered and am amazed by His graciousness and mercy. Yesterday Ryan and I were talking how in the midst of all the grief, pain, uncertainty, and doubt, that God continued to pull us through and ultimately made things easy for us. Please don't think for a second that the past 6 months were a walk in the park. However, because of our relationship with God and all the people praying for us, we were able to make it through this journey with our heads held high and with an end in sight. Praise God!

December 29Th has always been a significant day in our house. Ryan and I were married 7 years ago today. We could NEVER have imagined what our 7Th year of marriage would bring. Nor, could we ever have imagined that on our 7Th wedding anniversary I would be getting implants. (Happy Anniversary Ryan!) In addition to our anniversary, our daughter Charley is 2 1/2 today. I was diagnosed two weeks before her second birthday. To think that she is 2 1/2 today is just another reminder of how quickly the past six months have gone by. I am looking forward to being the mother and wife I was before my diagnosis....only better!

In closing, I am going to paste an older post below. This was the post that I did the morning before I went to the hospital for my bilateral mastectomy on July 16Th. That was a hard day, but also the day I became cancer free. When I left the hospital two days later, I still had a four months of chemotherapy ahead of me. Tonight when I leave the hospital, I have life ahead of me. I hope those of you who have continued to follow this blog have found yourself inspired. I hope you have found encouragement in the midst of your own trials. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. ~ God Bless ~

Blog Entry: July 16Th 2008

Would you believe that I actually slept for about 4 hours last night? God was gracious in giving me at least that much sleep. I did wake up a little earlier than I had hoped, but now I am able to squeeze one more post in before heading to the hospital. This is it. Today God is taking this awful cancer from my body and I am faithful that I will never have to worry about cancer again. Thank you Lord.

Most of you know my husband Ryan, but for those of you who do not, let me tell you that he is the most compassionate and loving man I know. Yesterday, he sent me an email that really portrays who he is as a person. I wanted to share it with all of you so you would know the strength and encouragement that I am so very fortunate to have from Ryan. Here is the email that he sent me:

"Mel, you are more than a conqueror! You are guided by God....you cannot lose....He battles for you! Be comforted, accept the peace He offers you through this journey...its yours for the taking.

I, along with our entire family, are backing you up 100%!!

Thank you for what you are doing about this breast cancer...THANK YOU!!! I can't wait to see the look on Charley's face one of these days when she realizes how much her Mommy loves her!!! That will be a great day!

Stay strong, there are many people who are relying on you right now. As for Charley and I, no worries, no drama.....just know we love you and will be by your side for every moment of this! We look forward to NOON tomorrow....cancer free."

Lord, thank you for Ryan. Thank you for giving me such a loving husband who stands firm in his faith and sees the goodness you are bringing to our family through this unfortunate circumstance. We know that this is all a part of your perfect plan for my life. Lord, be with me this morning. Take every ounce of this cancer from my body. I pray that the cancer would still be contained to the breast. Be with Dr. Cavagnol and Dr. Geter as you use them to heal me and make me whole. Be their hands and comfort them as they work on me. Bring me strength and healing Lord. Let this be a day of celebration as you heal me from cancer. Allow peace to overcome fear and perseverance to overcome doubts. God you are so good. I love you. Continue to use me to further you kingdom. Amen.

Time to be CANCER FREE!!!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-23T06:54:00.003-06:00

I cannot believe that Christmas is only two days away. I have to admit that Christmas caught me totally off guard this year. The past six months have been crazy, to say the least, and I just wasn't prepared like I should have been. I spent last weekend Christmas shopping, frantically shopping at Walmart yesterday for my baking ingredients, and I will spend all day today making a load of cookies. As crazy as shopping was this past weekend, it was a wonderful feeling to look around at all the hustle and bustle and to be a part of it. In years past, I would have NEVER gone out the weekend before Christmas to do my shopping. However, it didn't bother me this year. I loved knowing that I was alive and healthy and so happy that I could be a part of all the holiday frenzy. I am looking forward to the coming days and spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family. We all have so much to be thankful for this year!

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!

Waiting Patiently

2008-12-15T13:59:00.002-06:00

Two weeks from today I will have surgery to replace my extremely uncomfortable expanders with nice, soft, silicone implants. Tomorrow will mark 5 months since my bilateral mastectomy. That is so hard to believe. That same day I had my expanders put in and have been uncomfortable since. I can't tell you how much I am looking foward to getting them removed. December 29th will be the final chapter of this journey. I will continue to see Dr. Ellis throughout 2009. Although some days are harder than others, I am believing that I have forever been healed from cancer. I continue to pray everyday that God would show me how to use what I have been through to touch the lives of others. I will continue to listen and wait patiently. I know God will open that door when He is ready.

Now that I am feeling better and moving on with my life, I am trying to make the necessary choices to ensure a future without cancer. However, eating right and exercising (or just finding the time to do so) does not always come easy for me. I would appreciate your prayers in regards to this matter. I want nothing more than to take the life and body that God has so graciously blessed me with a second time, and honor and glorify Him. Doing this requires me to be less selfish with my time and more obedient in what He wants for my life. I want to do EVERYTHING I know how to live the rest of my life cancer FREE! Happy Holidays and God Bless!

Living a "Normal" Life

2008-12-08T07:18:00.002-06:00

Hello Everyone! Last night as I was scrolling through different blogs, I realized that I had not updated mine since my last chemo treatment! This made me realize two things: 1) My life the past two weeks has resumed to almost the way it was before I was diagnosed with cancer. Since my last treatment, I have felt better and better each day. 2)Not updating the blog means that I have been spending less time on the computer and more time with Charley and Ryan, out and about. What a wonderful thing! I would normally be gearing up for another treatment this week and not having to plan a trip to St. Louis is a little odd, but I'm not complaining.

Ryan did have to give me the Neulasta shot last time and that has contributed to some bone pain, particularly in my lower back. I still have tremendous pain there occasionally. I know it is a side effect of the Taxol and that the Neulasta only magnifies that pain. The pain is getting better with each day and if this is the only lasting side effect, I am blessed!

I would ask for those of you reading this to pray for my friend, Mary, in New York. As many of you know, we were diagnosed at about the same time, and have undergone our surgeries and treatments at the same time. We met through my blog and have been great companions for each other through all of this. Mary is having her reconstruction surgery tomorrow along with a hysterectomy and her ovaries removed. Please pray that she would have a quick and speedy recovery and that the surgery would go smoothly.

I hope you are all having a blessed December!

Adios Chemos

2008-11-28T01:05:00.004-06:00

Well I did it. I had my last chemotherapy treatment on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. I actually completed 8 treatments with the first four being Adriamycin and Cytoxin and the last four being Taxol. It's hard to believe that I stared chemo at the beginning of August, had my surgery in July, was diagnosed in June, and discovered the lump in May. Boy has it been a whirlwind of events since the beginning of all this. I am so thankful that my God held my hand through every treatment, every tear, every doubt, and every angry moment. Thank you God for never giving up on me.

Secondly, thank you Ryan for your unconditional love. If there is one thing that chemotherapy does to you, it really messes with your hormones and your mood. I wouldn't be being honest if I said that I never got angry or mad at Ryan at least once during each treatment. If you have had chemo, you understand what I am talking about, if not, don't bother asking. A good example of what chemo does is occurring at this very minute. It is currently 1:22 am and I am posting this blog. Not because I am just so excited to do a post, but because the steroid I am currently coming off of gives me more energy than I can stand. I will be lucky if I dose back to sleep tonight. Actually, if I leave about right now I bet I can get a great spot in line at Best Buy or Kohl's for Black Friday shopping! Uhhhh...no thanks! Anyway, back to what I was saying, Ryan has been a huge stepping stone for me throughout this entire process. I wasn't exactly the easiest person to live with before all of this, and then with chemo added to the mix, I know there were days where Ryan was just praying that he would make it through the day....and he always did, by the grace of God. Although I am Charley's mother and always will be, Ryan had to play the roll of Mr. Mom on several occasions. On the few nights I did feel like reading a book to Charley before she went to bed, I would always notice that she was able to point and say the different names of pictures that she had not been able to recognize before. I knew that Ryan had taught Charley these things and in those moments I realized there were some things I had missed out on.

Ryan and I definitely had our moments. I'm not going to lie. Not everything was always "peachy." In the same way I was fighting to beat breast cancer, Ryan was watching me fight breast cancer, feeling helpless, as if he should be the one with the cancer, not me. I think all to often I forgot how those closest to me were also affected by my cancer diagnosis and I have had to remind myself several times that I am not the only victim. Everyone had to deal with it in their own way. Ryan, you were an amazing husband to me throughout all of this. Your were ALWAYS there for me whenever I needed you. You took the weight of the world upon your shoulders and you rarely blinked an eye. You took care of Charley, you took care of me, and you continued to run a business and support your family the best way you knew how. I love you more than you could possibly ever know. You are such an incredible man of God and I have been blessed by you and Charley everyday. The screaming, laughing, and craziness is just what I needed.......sometimes! I love you!

Not only was I a wife and mother suffering from breast cancer at such a young age, I was also a daughter, an only child. My mom knew the battle I was up against when I was diagnosed. She had been diagnosed almost exactly 20 years earlier. She told me it wasn't going to be easy and when it was over I would wonder how I ever made it through. It certainly wasn't easy. That part she was right about. However, I know I made it because of the grace of God, and because of people like her, my dad, Ryan, my in-laws, and so many others who refused to give up on me. We were all suffering in one way or another in the beginning and honestly, I can't imagine what it must have felt like to hear that their only daughter had breast cancer. I pray those are words that my ears never have to hear. I would do it all over again, and again, if I knew it would spare my child. My mom and dad did countless things throughout this process that helped tremendously. One of those things was always giving me encouragement. When I would question the decisions I had made or just feel doubtful, my mom was always there to reassure me. That made a huge difference coming from my mom who had been through this exact thing 20 years earlier, and was still alive!! My dad called me every day that I had a treatment. He would call me from work just to wish me luck, tell me he loves me, and always to tell me how proud he was of me. The past week was extra special when he called to tell me that I had done it, I had beaten the cancer and the chemo journey was going to finally be over. I love you mom and dad and I could NEVER repay you for what you have done for Ryan and I throughout this journey.

My in-laws, Roger and Sharon, were also a huge help. They watched Charley numerous times over the past 5 months and were always there when we call at the last minute. We still do that!!! Our families have grown so much closer through all of this. Something like cancer really makes you value the importance of family and friends.

I could go on and on forever about all the people who have changed my life and made an impact. This post mentions the people closest to me. In the coming days and weeks I plan to write about more people who touched my life throughout this journey. For now, the chemo journey has ended and in the words of Dr. Ellis, "You are cured." Praise Jesus!

Final Treatment.....Number 8!

Click on the Album for more Pics!

The End is Near.....Take 2

2008-11-24T19:09:00.004-06:00

This time last week I was gearing up for my last chemo treatment. I was so pumped. Well, that treatment never happened and really put me in a slump. I couldn't believe that I would have to wait another week for my last treatment. Now, a week later, I am "gearing up" again for what WILL BE my last treatment. Despite it being the last one, I don't feel quite as relieved and excited as I did last week. Perhaps this will change as Wednesday approaches and it becomes more of a reality. I poured so much energy and emotion into last week only to have it ripped right out of my hands. I guess that's why I am not getting my hopes up again. I will celebrate when the treatment is actually over.

Here are the pics that Ryan and I took last week before we went out for our "celebratory" dinner. I guess we'll be having another "celebratory dinner tomorrow night.

Counting Down The Days......Again.

2008-11-20T05:36:00.009-06:00

As you have probably read already, my scheduled chemo treatment for yesterday was postponed. Talk about a total let down. Ryan and I had been out the night before for a wonderful "celebratory" dinner at P.F. Changs and then to a movie. We were both glowing at the thought that I had finally come to the end of my chemo treatments. Yesterday morning my appointments went as scheduled. First I had my labs drawn. Then is was off to see Dr. Ellis where Ryan and I both expressed our joy. We couldn't believe the day was finally here. After looking over my paperwork, of which did not include my labs, Dr. Ellis looked at me and said "See, you made it. Time flies when your having fun, right?" He then looked at me and said, "Congratulations, your considered cured." It felt amazing to hear those words. Before he left the room I had a few questions I wanted to get answered. He suggested I get dressed and then we would discuss whatever necessary. As Ryan and I sat there waiting for Dr. Ellis to return, all we could think about was getting over to chemo and getting started. Then, Dr. Ellis walked in with a piece of paper in his hand and gave me a slightly disappointing look. I immediately asked him what was wrong. He sat down and bluntly stated that my white blood cell counts were to low and that they were not going to treat me this week but rather next week. Ryan and I could not believe what we were hearing. I immediately burst into tears. I was devastated. If given time, I think Ryan would have burst into tears as well. All of this positive energy we had poured into the previous days, all the encouraging words, all the emails congratulating me on my last treatment, were gone. I kept thinking that surely he was just joking. Ryan and I tried to convince him of letting me take my treatment on Friday or even Monday, but he wasn't having it. How could my counts be so low and I feel so great?

After regaining my composure, which wasn't easy, Dr. Ellis showed me the lab work. There are about 20 different counts they check, but the one that really matters is the Absolute Neutrophil Count. A normal Neutrophil Count is usually between 1.8 and 3.6. Yesterday, mine was 0.2. Not Good. Our Neutrophils make up almost 75% of our white blood cells which is what fights off infection. Because mine are so low, I am at an extremely high risk for developing an infection and am very susceptible to germs. If I were to get sick, my body would have no way of fighting off the infection, which is extremely dangerous. Not exactly a comforting thought seeing that it is cold and flu season! Because chemotherapy lowers your white blood cells to begin with, there was no way I could get treatment yesterday. In the words of the nurse, "It could be fatal." Great. So, with all that being said, Ryan and I got in our car, slightly disappointed, and headed home. I am now quarantined in my house for the next 6 days. I won't be able to leave without a mask and that is not exactly the next best accessory. However, I guess it beats being hospitalized.

I do want to thank all of you who prayed for me yesterday and the days before. Please don't stop praying now. I would ask that you all pray that my counts return to an acceptable level by next week and that I would remain healthy until then. I want nothing more than to get my last treatment next Wednesday.

A minor bump in the road

2008-11-19T13:39:00.003-06:00

Hey guys...It's Hilary! I just wanted to fill you in on what has happed today while Mel & Ryan are in St. Louis for her "last" chemo treatment. Mel asked me to keep you informed so here it goes...

This morning Mel had her lab work done and then waited to see Dr. Ellis. Of course Mel & Ryan were ecstatic that today is her last 8 of 8 chemo treatments. After seeing Dr. Ellis he looked at her lab work results and said oh no. Mel's white blood cells are in a dangerously low range so she was not able to have her LAST chemo treatment today. Mel & Ryan are both devastated. She has rescheduled her "last" chemo treatment for next Wednesday (the day before Thanksgiving). They are on their way home as I type this. Please pray for Mel...she is very sad that this whole chemo journey is taking another week. On the positive side she knows that if she were allowed to have chemo today it could be fatally dangerous because she could get a blood infection or something else more severe. She needs a little boost so please say a little prayer for her. After getting off the phone with her this scripture immediately came to my mind.

Psalms 27:14
Rely on the Lord! Be strong and confident! Rely on the Lord!

There is a reason that Mel was not supposed to have treatment today. God is protecting her and her body. He will make her stronger and He will give her peace that it was supposed to happen this way.

The End Is Near

2008-11-17T22:08:00.003-06:00

Today Ryan and I leave for my final chemo treatment in St. Louis. The eighth treatment seemed so far away 16 weeks ago. And now, 7 treatments later, here it is. So, after Wednesday, this chapter will come to a close in my journey. I will move forward knowing I did everything I could to defeat cancer. I will never look back, other than to wonder how I ever made it through treatment after treatment. This trip to St. Louis will be different than those in the past. The people and places we have come to love will no longer be an ordinary part of our lives. I have been so blessed throughout the past 16 weeks. By the grace of God, Ryan, Charley, and myself have all remained healthy. After tomorrow, my life will return to normal. However, life won't be like it was before. Normal will take on a new meaning. When I was first diagnosed, Jeremiah 29:11 was the first verse I turned to. It still hangs on my refrigerator today. There have been numerous times where I have stood in front of that verse and read it over and over. Time and time again, I have come across this verse in different books or someone has shared it with me. Just yesterday I was talking with someone who asked if they could share a bible verse with me. Guess what it was? Then, this morning as I read a devotion from the book Praying Through Cancer, Jeremiah 29:11 was the scripture. Isn't God incredible? He continues to reassure and validate His promise to me through His word. Although I don't always understand why I was diagnosed with breast cancer at such a young age, why I had to lose both of my breast, or why I had to undergo 4 months of chemotherapy, I do understand that it was all a part of God's perfect plan for my life. I can't wait to see what He has for me in the future! Thank you God for holding my hand throughout this entire process, even when I tried to run away. Thank you for instilling a great amount of patience in Ryan and thank you Lord for blessing me with a healthy little girl who will hopefully never remember the days her mommy was so sick. Thank you for all the nurses and doctors who took such good care of me. Thank you for all those who brought meals three and four times. Thank you for my parents who were always there to encourage me and talk me through the hard times. Finally thank you for always reminding me that:

You know the plans you have for my life, plans to prosper me, not harm me, plans to give me hope a future! Jeremiah 29:11

Yea for Yoga!

2008-11-14T07:11:00.004-06:00

So this week I started taking yoga. My mother-in-law actually bought me 10 yoga classes for my birthday back in September. Having chemo every two weeks didn't exactly allow for me to get started right away. This week has been a great week, so I decided to go ahead and give yoga a shot. Wow!! I had taken Pilate's classes in the past so I was expecting something kind of long the same lines. Wrongo. Yoga is nothing like Pilate's. As I began following the instructors lead, I was amazed by how stiff I was. Sitting down and touching my toes is a thing of the past. I could barely reach my shins. Having been on the couch for the past four month doing nothing physical other than taking my daughter to preschool or running an errand has really taken a toll on my body. I had no idea it was so bad until I started doing yoga. When I saw Dr. Ellis last week he mentioned that I needed to start walking and slowly reconditioning my body. At the time I thought, no big deal, I'll just start walking 3 - 5 miles every morning like I used to. That is not going to be as easy as it sounds unfortunately. However, I am looking forward to slowly regaining my strength and flexibility in the coming months.

In the dictionary, yoga is defined as: 1: a Hindu theistic philosophy teaching the suppression of all activity of body, mind, and will in order that the self may realize its distinction from them and attain liberation
2: a system of exercises for attaining bodily or mental control and well-being.
Each time I left yoga this week I felt so relaxed. I would highly recommend yoga for everyone. It is a great exercise to help reduce stress and help you relax! Go Yoga!!

Blond or Brunette?

2008-11-11T12:47:00.005-06:00

Hello Everyone!!! Well, I am officially on the countdown now. Only 8 more days until I have my final chemo treatment!! I can't believe it. When I first started chemo, my last treatment seemed so far away. Now, it only 8 days away. I know this treatment will be bittersweet. I will be so glad to be done, but in the same way, I will be sad. For the past 16 weeks I have traveled to St. Louis twice a month. I have established relationships with my doctors and nurses. I have met incredible people who are in the fight of their life. Most of them, I will never see again. I will move on from this journey while others are just beginning. At each of my treatments I have seen "first timers" being shown the ropes. To know the fear and anxiety they are facing breaks my heart. I have been there and hope to never again experience such feelings of helplessness and despair. Through my relationship with Jesus Christ I know I will be strengthened in the coming months. My prayer is to move forward knowing that I have been given a second chance at life.

On a lighter note....I purchased myself another wig yesterday. When I first lost my hair I refused to wear a wig. It was so weird. Now I have two of them and they are completely different. I'm not sure Ryan is completely sold on it. We have been married almost seven years and I have never had hair as long or as dark as my new wig. Ryan has gotten so used to seeing my bald head or my blond wig that I think I kind of threw him for a loop yesterday when I "surprised" him. Losing my hair was not fun. I loved my hair. However, why not take advantage of this time in my life and have whatever kind of hair I want! My new wig is fun and I am looking forward to wearing it out on the town. So, if you see Ryan with a hot brunette, it's just me, not another woman! God Bless!!

Me as a Blond

Me as a Brunette

HOME STRETCH!!!!!

2008-11-05T15:23:00.003-06:00

14 weeks......I can't believe it has already been 14 weeks of CHEMO treatments. We are very excited to get home (we're currently in our room at Siteman Cancer Center getting treated) and see Charley, but equally excited that there is only ONE MORE TREATMENT! One last treatment. That sounds great.

Appointment with Dr. Ellis went very well this morning. Melody's bloodwork came back perfect, all normal. We will not be taking the Neulasta Shot tomorrow since we ended up in the emergency room a couple of weeks ago with Neulasta Fever. Darn it....I was getting kinda used to giving Mel a shot in the arm....kinda liked it too.

Another hour here and we'll head for the car and hit the road home. Thank you all for your prayers. Please continue to pray for healing for Melody, overall health for our family, and for our business as we look forward to getting back to a normal routine this season.

And certainly don't forget to pray for our nation, and our president.

Love you, God bless you,
Ryan

Vote Your Conscience!

2008-11-03T08:32:00.005-06:00

You will need to pause the music on the right-hand-side of the blog before playing the video. God Bless!

Pictures Speak Louder Than Words

2008-10-30T13:34:00.003-05:00

First let me way that if you haven't read the post from earlier today, I would encourage you to do so. Just scroll down to get caught up on what is going on!

Yesterday, Ryan, myself, and Charley had our pictures taken. I guess you could say these pictures were more for me than for Ryan or Charley. Jessica Oatman, the same photographer who took our pictures in the early summer, was kind of enough to take some more photos yesterday in honor of Images of Hope, a non-profit organization that brings awareness to childhood cancers and illnesses through photography. When Jessica took our pictures back in the summer, I had just been diagnosed one week prior. Because Jessica has a son battling Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, she new what I was up against with surgery and chemotherapy in my future. At the time, Jessica offered to take my pictures as part of her Images of Hope. So yesterday, we did just that!

My journey with breast cancer is not one I would wish upon anybody. However, it is also a journey that I would never give up. The past 5 months have brought many tears and much laughter. I have grown as a person and more importantly in my relationship with Jesus Christ. I am continuously learning valuable lessons throughout this process that I desire to apply to my life.

Thank you Jessica for capturing the real me...bald and all. These pictures document a time in life where I changed as a mother, wife, and a woman of God. I will cherish them forever.

To see some of the pictures, please go to www.jessicaoatman.blogspot.com. I will post the rest of the pictures when they are available. Enjoy and God Bless!

God is so Good!

2008-10-30T07:30:00.003-05:00

Hello Everyone! I am so happy to report that since my little trip to the ER I have been feeling great! This week Ryan and I took Charley to the Spooktakular at the Zoo and we also managed to carve a pumpkin. What fun! I love this time of year and am so grateful that I have felt well enough to enjoy it! This week I received an email from a sweet girl that only lives about 2 1/2 hours from me. Her name is Erica and she too is a young 30 year old mom of three. She was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and will begin chemo this Friday. The ironic thing is, she will be getting her treatments at the Siteman Cancer Center as well. She is an amazing woman of God and has a great attitude which will get her through this entire process so much easier. She too has a blog of which she is constantly posting updates of her journey. I encourage you to check out her blog and say a prayer for Erica. The first treatment is the scariest and probably one of the hardest...not that they ever really get easy. The "unknown" seems to be the scariest part. Erica's blog address is http://ericaexercisesneats.blogspot.com/.

This week God also answered prayers in regards to my mom. Ever since having been diagnosed with the BRCA 1 gene, my mom has been taking the necessary steps to proceed with having her ovaries removed. Last week she had an ovarian ultrasound. Thankfully her ovaries looked great, but her bladder showed a .43cm solid mass. The OBGYN actually thought it might be a polyp, but without a full examination there was no way to tell for sure. Yesterday my mom went to the urologist. After an uncomfortable exam, the urologist told my mom that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her bladder and it was in great shape! What an answer to prayers! Ryan and I had been praying faithfully everyday that whatever had been there would be gone by yesterday! Praise God! Once again He showed us His power to answer prayers and heal us.

Yesterday I also went to the Plastic Surgeon. In the past two weeks I have gotten two more fills in my expanders. Yesterday, I finally had a discussion with my PS about my "final" size. I currently have 600 cc's of saline in each breast, or mound, whatever you prefer to call them. He said for someone my size, that the current size of my breast fit my body well. However, so that the breast will lay more naturally when he puts in the implant and so that he can create some cleavage, he has to stretch the skin 20 % beyond my final size. So, if I want my breast to be 540 - 600 cc's (full B to small C) he has to put in 800 cc's. Whoa! My surgery is a little less than two months away and I guess I will just have to be a little uncomfortable for awhile and deal with the idea that my breast are going to be pretty large until then. Being large wouldn't be a problem if they looked normal, but these are anything from normal. However, the PS reassured me that our only goal right now is to stretch the skin and not to worry about what they look like now. I am confident he knows what he is doing!

I hope you all have a blessed rest of the week! Enjoy the great weather and have a Happy Halloween!

A Day At The Emergency Room

2008-10-25T11:21:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was not a good day for me. As you know I had my 6Th chemo treatment this past Wednesday. On Thursday, Ryan gave me my Neulasta shot which helps boost my white blood cells. Neulasta is very powerful. I have had the Neulasta shot six times now and each time I have experienced achy muscles and bone pain. The Neulasta is extremely hard on my body after Taxol because Taxol also causes bone pain.

Thursday evening I started getting some body aches. When I woke up Friday morning I was so sore and in such pain, I could barely move. I had what felt like a migraine and was running a fever. When Ryan and I realized that I wasn't getting any better, we called Dr. Ellis. He suggested that I go to the Emergency Room because of the fever. Unfortunately, I have spent a lot of time in the Emergency Room over the past year and know firsthand how unpleasant it can be. However, if you are a chemo patient, that changes everything. When we arrived, Ryan immediately told them that we could not sit in the waiting room and had to be seen right away. He also mentioned that I was undergoing chemo. However, it wouldn't have taken a genius to figure that one out seeing that I had on my little hat and a face mask. Some might have thought I was dressed up for Halloween just a little to early!

We were immediately taken to a room where they began to do blood work. I also had a chest X-ray to rule-out pneumonia. Luckily, the X-ray and all the blood work came back normal......except for my white blood cells. They were at an extremely elevated level because of the Neulasta. Therefore, my body thought it was trying to fight off an infection somewhere and that is why I developed the fever. After a couple of Tylenol and some anti-nausea meds they sent me home. I was a little disappointed that I had to go all the way to the ER just for some Tylenol. On the other hand, they did do an X-ray and knowing that it was clear and everything looked good made the trip well worth it.

Today I am spending lots of time resting. Charley is spending the weekend at her grandparents which is hard on Ryan and I because we miss her so much. However, we know that she is being well taken care of. I would ask that you pray for me and that the last two treatments would be easier on my body. Also, please pray for the health of our entire family and Charley's grandparents. I have been so fortunate to have not gotten a "bug" throughout this entire process. We need everyone to stay healthy so that we can continue to move forward and eventually put it all behind us! Thank you and God Bless!

WhattaTrooper.....my WIFE that is!!

2008-10-22T19:57:00.006-05:00

Isn't she wonderful?! Geez....6 Chemo treatments down and only 2 to go!!
This trip up to "the LOU" was another blessed one. Melody, myself, and my parents went up for another blood test (everything was perfect), another meeting with Dr. Ellis (what a great guy, I am so thankful he is Melody's Oncologist), and another chemo treatment (can you say PRIVATE SUITE!?).

Melody did great during the treatment as she again rested most of the 4 hours while I spent that time surfing the net and watching some very, and I mean VERY, interesting election coverage in her PRIVATE SUITE at Barnes Hosp. OK, so the election coverage was the same ole junk, but entertaining nonetheless.

Yesterday, when Melody, and my parents and I arrived in St. Louis, we found out that the Historic Soulard Market was closed so we dashed over for a stroll in the "Archway Park". We soon stirred up our appetites and found ourselves puttin' back some chicken wings and spinach artichoke dip at a local favorite, Caleco's. Then we were off to the hotel to check in and we ate dinner that night at P.F. Changs. Yum in my Tum!

I used a GPS for the first time on this trip. VERY cool I might add, but somewhat stressful......however, I cannot wait to get one......Charley and I might even try to get lost and find our way back home....that would be fun!

Anyway, only TWO treatments left.....that is GRAND! My little memory can't hold the capacity of information that my wonderful wife's memory can, so I will let her fill you in on any specific details about the meeting with Dr. Ellis that I left out. I just know God is so good....and continues to show His awesome grace and always confirms He will never fail us....He's always there for us.

With love,
Ryan

5 Down.....3 To Go!

2008-10-20T14:36:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I leave for my 6th chemo treatment. Wednesday will mark 4 weeks until my last treatment! Holy Cow! This has been quite the journey and I am amazed by how quickly the days are going by. This is one time in my life when I don't mind if life moves quickly! With my final surgery planned for December 15Th, I am only 8 weeks away from "The End" of my journey with breast cancer. I suppose it never really ends since I will be seeing my oncologist for years to come. However, when I look back and realize that all this started 19 weeks ago, it is hard to believe. Thank you Lord for giving me 19 weeks to fight the fight and beat cancer!

This past weekend I attended a women's conference at my church. I was so touched by every speaker. Time and time again I received confirmation that God is going to use me to do something great. However, in order for that to be possible, I must allow God to take me through a process and ready my heart, mind, and spirit. In order for God to use me, I must be willing to be "uncomfortable." I don't know how or when God will use me in the future but what I do know is that everyday I have to be preparing all that he has for me by being obedient and obeying His word. This is not always something that comes easy and I often fail. However, spending time with the Lord and immersing myself daily in his Word will strengthen me spiritually and open up doors to opportunities that I cannot possibly fathom. I can't wait to see all that God has planned for my life!

Can You Say Bone Pain?

2008-10-15T07:13:00.002-05:00

Today is Wednesday and I am finally coming out of my post treatment side effects. Taxol really kicked my bootie this past week. The doctors and nurses had warned me about the bone pain associated with Taxol, but I had no idea it would be so bad. Supposedly it doesn't affect all women the same and some never experience any bone pain. Unfortunately, I think I had enough pain to make up for the few who never have any. You are welcome. The doctors tried to explain it to me in a way that makes it sound similar to the the achiness you feel when you have the flu. Bologna. I would describe it as feeling as if your bones are about to break. There were a few days where my ankles hurt so bad that I could barely walk. Every thing I did created throbbing pains from my feet all the the way to my head. I would literally have to stop moving at times until the pain passed. My back actually hurt bad enough that I became nervous there might be something else going on and I called Dr. Ellis' nurse. She reassured me that the pain was undoubtedly from the Taxol. I was happy to hear that. I will say that today is the first day I haven't woken up in a great amount of pain. I am actually feeling quite normal. Praise God.

OK, time to get honest. With all that has been going on, I feel that I have not been spending an adequate amount of time with the Lord. Sometimes I wonder if He feels like I have abandoned Him. He has blessed me in so many ways and I am so amazed by His grace. However, why is it that we often get "to busy" and that God gets pushed to the end of our long list of things "to do"? Chemotherapy is an emotional roller coaster. There are days were I really feel sorry for myself and if I were in a swimming pool, I would drown in my self pity. There are days when I cry at the drop of a hat, I am angry, and just down right mean to the ones who love me the most. There are days when I wonder if November 19Th will truly be my last chemo treatment for rest of my life. Will I actually live long enough to see Charley go off to college and get married? In my heart I know the answer is yes. However, the enemy likes to try and convince me otherwise.

Since the beginning of this journey I have known that God has big plans for my life. I am convinced that He does not want this to just be a "season" in my life that comes and goes. I know He wants me to use this experience to do great things and bring glory to Him. I am just waiting for that door to open. I love the Lord with all my heart. My prayer is that God would forgive me for my laziness and in not acknowledging His blessings everyday of my life. The past 5 months have been one heck of a journey. There have been so many ups and downs.

This weekend I will be attending the Designed for Life conference at James River Assembly. God has been so gracious throughout my treatments. I know he purposefully planned that I would not have a treatment this week so that my body would be strong enough to attend. Thank you Lord. I am looking forward to all that He is going to do! Thank you God for healing me. Open my mind and heart to you in the coming days so that I may see my purpose more clearly.

I pray you all have a blessed day! God Bless!

Meals to Bless the Wassons

2008-10-12T21:23:00.006-05:00

Hey..It's Mel's friend Hilary. First of all thank you to all who have provided a meal, two meals, or gift cards for meals. I can tell you first hand that Melody & Ryan greatly appreciate each one of you who have helped out. Personally, I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love the Wasson's have received. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

I wanted to give an update on the Meals on Wheels for the Wassons. My goal is to get meals throughout Mel's remaining 3 chemo treatments AND for the recovery process of her reconstruction surgery on Dec. 15Th. So, if you have not had a chance to bring a meal you have until before Christmas to sign up. If you have already brought a meal or two...thank you. If you want to sign up again, you are more than welcome to do so.

I am currently booking meals for a couple dates in October and for the entire month of November. The two dates in October that I have open are Monday, October 20Th and Friday, October 24Th. As for November, the dates available are the 3rd, 7Th, 10Th, 14Th, 17Th, 21st. Those are all Mondays & Fridays. If a weekend works better for your schedule, just e-mail me and I will check with Mel to see if that works for them.

A lot of people have asked as to what Mel is eating...to be honest she really does not have any taste buds at this time due to the chemotherapy. So if you are not a good cook this is your time to make something. Mel will never know that you can't cook. HA! I appreciate your willingness to help out and so do the Wasson's. Thank so much. You can e-mail me at hilaryaustinrdh@yahoo.com

Thanks again and God Bless, Hilary

Treatment Number 5: Just The Girls

2008-10-09T13:52:00.006-05:00

Doreen, Melody, & Hilary

Yesterday was treatment 5 for me!!! I can hardly believe it! Only 3 more and I'll be on with my life! This was one treatment I was looking forward to in so many ways. First, it was my fifth treatment meaning that I am now over half-way done with my chemo. Second, I was fortunate enough to have two girlfriends, Hilary and Doreen, accompany me on this trip. I have written about both of these girls numerous times. Hilary and I have been best friends for 17 years and she has gone above and beyond for me through this entire journey. I am amazed by her generosity and kindness every day. Doreen is a breast cancer survivor herself and that is what brought us together. What a blessing she has been to me over the past 5 months. Our friendship is one that will last a lifetime and I am so thankful for her. Had it not been for breast cancer, we might have never met.

We left Springfield on Tuesday morning and headed up to St. Louis where we enjoyed a day of shopping at The Galleria and lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. It seemed like every second we were chattering away. It was amazing how fast the three of us bonded and it was like we had all been friends forever. That evening we freshened up and rode the Metro down to Laclede's Landing. We ate dinner at a wonderful restaurant called Asia. I have actually eaten there every time I have been to St. Louis. That would be a total of 6 times so far. If your wondering if I am sick of it, the answer is no. Asia has the best food and I have been able to try something different every time. After dinner we headed back to the hotel where we spent another couple of hours exchanging stories, laughing, and just being girls. What fun!!

The next morning we enjoyed breakfast at The Majestic Cafe. By 9:00 we were at Siteman to begin my day of appointments. I was very fortunate this visit because I actually got to see Dr. Ellis and I was so glad that Hilary and Doreen had the opportunity to meet the man I had been telling them about. I was greeted with a warm hug from Dr. Ellis. We discussed several different things including the possibility of children after chemotherapy. Dr. Ellis said there is 50% chance or greater that my menstrual cycle will return after chemo. If it does return, then having another child will be an option for me. When I asked him the length of time I should wait before trying to get pregnant, he stated that there is no set time. As long as I am menstruating regularly, then I can get pregnant at any time. I thought this was very encouraging. The one thing he did stress was that I needed to have my ovaries removed by the age of 35 because of the increased risk of ovarian cancer. I also asked Dr. Ellis what happens after treatment. He said that as of now I am considered cancer free and I have absolutely no reason to believe that I am not cured and will not stay that way. He went on to explain that ordering unnecessary scans do more harm than good. Dr. Ellis said that for many women it creates a level of anxiety leading up to the scan that is not healthy. In addition, one cat scan is equal to 40 chest X-rays. After I am done with my treatment, I will see Dr. Ellis every three months for one year, then every six months, and then once a year for who knows how long. I hope to be followed for a very long time.

After my appointment with Dr. Ellis it was on to chemo. This is where things get a little foggy for me. Since I could have only one person in the treatment area at a time, Doreen was the first to accompany me. The treatment began just like any other treatment.....until it came time to give me the Benadryl. Now, I have never been one to take Benadryl and stay awake for long. Well, this Benadryl was given through a syringe directly into my vein. Let me just say I have NEVER done a drug in my life but I have to believe that the feeling I experienced from the Benadryl was similar to getting really high. Within 30 seconds of receiving the Benadryl, my head was swimming, my speech was slurred, and I literally almost fell over getting up to go to the bathroom. I would like to apologize to Doreen now for anything I may have said that she really didn't want to know hear. What happens in chemo stays in chemo! I can remember moving from the recliner I was in to a bed and then that's pretty much it. Hilary was able to come back for a short amount of time but I was to out of it to hold a conversation. The chemo treatment that my two friends were to "keep me company" at, was a doozy. I slept the entire three hours! Thank goodness they both came because they had each other to talk to for that entire time!

This is me on my Benadryl "High". Did I actually ask you to take this picture Doreen?

I finally woke up when my IV machine started beeping to alert the nurse that the medicine was finished. When I looked around, the other 8 people who had been in the same pod with me when I stared were all gone. I was the only person left. I was able to dial Hilary's number and before long Doreen and Hilary were back there to help me gather up my things and get on the road for our three hour drive. I love those girls! We got home at around 10:00 and the Benadryl was FINALLY wearing off.

It's unfortunate that our girls trip to St. Louis had to involve a chemo treatment, but it will be a treatment that I will never forget! Thank you so much Hilary and Doreen for being such great friends and taking such good care of me!

Eating Lunch at The Cheesecake Factory

Ready for our Girls Night Out

Me and Hilary at Asia

Me and Doreen.....2 breast cancer SURVIVORS!!

Hilary and Doreen

Breakfast at The Majestic Cafe

Ready or Not Taxol......Here I Come!

2008-10-07T05:47:00.002-05:00

Today I leave for my fifth chemo treatment? Did I actually just type that? There are days that I still can't believe I am being treated for breast cancer. What's even more difficult to believe is that this will be my fifth treatment!! That means only 3 more after this one. You know, chemo is a funny thing. When I was diagnosed, I think the word "chemo" might have actually scared me more than the word "cancer". The crazy thing is, a lot of women with my diagnosis would have opted to not have chemotherapy and perhaps it would not have even been offered. However, because of my age, I was offered this choice. As much as I dreaded taking chemo, I never thought twice about it. There were times when I would hear about another women with a similar diagnosis who was not taking chemo and I would wonder how I was chosen as the "lucky" one. I have to sometimes remind myself that taking chemotherapy means I have done everything possible to beat this cancer. There are people everyday who wish they could take chemotherapy, but that is no longer an option for them. I am blessed to have had this choice and to know that it IS going to save my life. My first treatment was 8 weeks ago tomorrow. My last treatment is in just 6 short weeks! Wow! I am going to make it through and God is going to be right there when I ring that victory bell at my last treatment!

I am blessed to have two great girlfriends taking me up for my treatment this week, my best friend Hilary, and a great friend from church, Doreen. As many of you know, Doreen is a breast cancer survivor herself. She is such an inspiration to me! It's unfortunate that our trip has to involve a chemo treatment, but at least it will allow me to feel halfway normal for part of the trip! Ryan returned home from Las Vegas yesterday so he is going to get some much needed one-on-one time with Charley!

On one final note.....BRACE YOURSELF.....I have been wearing my wig the past week! I know, call me crazy! I was so SICK of wearing hats. Plus, I was constantly running into people because I could not see out the sides due to my glasses. It also affected my ability to drive safely, but that's another story. So, last week before I headed out I decided to put my wig on just for kicks. It didn't look half bad and if felt GREAT to have hair on my head! So, I ventured out into the world, just me and my wig. Now, I am pretty aware of people's reactions to others so I was constantly watching to see if someone was looking at me any length of time that would be considered unreasonable. I have to say, I don't think anyone, besides those that know me, knew I was wearing a wig. Yesterday someone even told me I had "the cutest hair." Thank goodness she didn't ask me where I get it cut! Wearing my wig gave me a new outlook. I feel more like a real person when I wear it. I feel healthy. I feel that I don't have "She has cancer" screaming at everyone. What I wish everyone knew is that I HAD cancer. Unfortunately when you are being treated with chemotherapy everyone just assumes you have cancer. Oh Well. I was guilty of making those same assumptions. Thankfully, now I look at all people going through chemotherapy differently and you should do the same.

I will be posting pictures from our girls trip in St. Louis so keep checking back. Oh, and by the way, just in case you get confused, I'm the Hot Blond! God Bless!

Day By Day

2008-10-02T07:25:00.002-05:00

Hello Everyone!!! I hope you are all doing well and that your lives are richly blessed! I am doing fairly well and have been busy the past couple of days. Ryan left for Vegas on Monday and won't be back until next Monday. Don't worry, he is there for a bike show, not because he needed to escape the insanity around our house! I have to admitt it was VERY HARD to say goodbye for an entire week. I was so depressed at the beginning of the week. The steroids I have to take after each treatment do not help. I just kept thinking how desperatly I need some time away and how much I wish I could have been going with him. I can't remember the last time Ryan and I had some time away alone, with the exception of going to St. Louis for a chemo treatment and I'm NOT counting that! I feel this past summer and our circumstances robbed us of so much. Every ounce of our energy has been invested in Charley, Cancer, and Chemo......The 3 Big C's! I have said goodbye to cancer (thank you God) and am looking forward to saying goodbye to chemo in just 7 weeks. I will then be able to invest ALL my energy into the most important "C"! What a gift that will be!

This time next week I will have one more treatment under my belt and only 3 left! From what I have read the next set of chemo treatments are not as hard on the body. Someone actually said that it is a "walk in the park" compared to Adriamycin and Cytoxan. I pray that is the case! I am also praying that God would bless me with some hair soon! Ryan swears it is starting to grow but I'm not sure I am convinced. Who knows, maybe by Thanksgiving I'll have at least what looks like a buzz cut.

I hope you all enjoy the beautiful weather this week and don't forget to thank God for all the blessings in your life!

Think Pink Survivors!

2008-09-26T10:14:00.013-05:00

As many of you know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have always loved the month of October, but now it holds an extra special place in my heart, especially since I have been affected by breast cancer personally. Not only have I been affected by breast cancer at a young age, my mom has also been down this road. By the grace of God we are blessed to be able to call ourselves survivors.

Throughout my journey with breast cancer I have felt my soul purpose was to empower other women to remain positive and not allow breast cancer to take their spirit. More importantly, I wanted all those reading this blog to be inspired by the grace and mercy of God and to see how He truly performs miracles and answers prayers. All we have to do is call out to Him.

As a way to kick off Breast Cancer Awareness Month, my husband, Ryan, and myself have created a new website, Think Pink Survivors, with a variety of custom-made products. These products are hand-made with compassion and love and each product is made using genuine leather. The possibilities are endless when it comes to colors, stitching, lacing, names, size, tooling, etc. Each product is made to reflect your personal journey with breast cancer. This is a wonderful way to help promote awareness and celebrate your life.

Let's Think Pink Survivors and be an inspiration to all women fighting against breast cancer!

A Surprise from Ryan and Charley

2008-09-25T10:53:00.006-05:00

This is no secret......I LOVE FALL!!! It is my absolute favorite time of year. I especially love decorating for fall. Each year I buy tons of mums, hay bails, cornstalks, and pumpkins and use them to decorate the flower garden in our front yard. There is nothing that says fall like some mums and pumpkins. I also enjoy decorating the inside of my house which is my project next week when Ryan is in Las Vegas. Yesterday on my way home I received a text message from Ryan telling me there a surprise for me in the front yard. I honestly was expecting a John McCain sign or one of those Huge Halloween Inflatables. I would not have been happy about the inflatable. Thankfully, Ryan knows me better than that. He actually went and purchased all my outside fall decor for me and arranged it outside in my flower garden. I was so happy to see that when I drove by. I had been worried about having the energy and the time to do that this year. However, I won't have to worry about it now because my wonderful husband took care of it for me. I have posted some pics for you and hopefully it will help you get into the fall spirit! Of course, Charley wanted to be a part of the pictures and show me how much she helped her daddy with mommy's "prise."

Then, as I walked into the kitchen the most delicious sugar cookies were awaiting for me and they were decorated with pink ribbons. I know, I have the best husband and your all jealous! Thank you Ryan for all you have done and all you continue to do. I appreciate you so much and love you more and more every day! Your the greatest!

My Beautiful Fall Display...Don't worry, we bring Charley in at night!

Ryan and Charley did a great job!!

They even got decor for my mailbox!

The Yummy Sugar cookies with pink ribbons!

Half-Way Done! Praise The Lord

2008-09-25T09:03:00.005-05:00

Let me just start out by saying that yesterday was my mom's 55Th birthday! For this treatment, my mom and dad took me up to St. Louis and we had a GREAT time. My birthday had been last week so we decided to wait and celebrate as a family while we were in St. Louis. We enjoyed eating a great lunch at Fitz's on the The Loop Tuesday afternoon and that evening we took The Metro down to Laclede's landing for some sight-seeing of the arch and a wonderful dinner at a restaurant called Asia. I think since my trips to St. Louis have begun I have eaten there at least 5 times....maybe more! They really do have great food! After we got back to our hotel, we walked down to The Majestic Cafe and enjoyed Apple Pie and French Silk Pie. I have never been so full in all my life! My excuse for all the eating is that I won't eat much for the next week! Yesterday morning we headed back to The Majestic Cafe for blueberry pancakes and biscuits and gravy. Then, after chemo, we ate at the Wild Flower Cafe where we enjoyed BLT's and soup and salad. Yes my friend, we ate like Kings on this trip! It would have been a bit more enjoyable had we not been there for a chemo treatment, but needless to say, it was a great trip!

Well, Yesterday was my 4Th Chemo Treatment which means that I am officially half-way done with my treatments and all done with the first set of drugs. It really was a huge milestone. I have climbed the hill, hit the peak, and am now racing my way towards the finish line!!! Yea! I did meet with the doctor yesterday and there was a little bit of confusion. Throughout my entire treatment I have thought after the first four rounds my next four rounds would be with the drug Taxotere. When I was talking to the nurse yesterday she said that with Taxotere I would be put on an every three week schedule because the body cannot tolerate every two weeks. Of course when she said this I was devastated because I was counting on my last treatment to be November 19Th. In addition, Dr. Ellis had made no mention of this when I first met him back in August. He had clearly stated that I would be on Dose Dense Chemo which means that my treatments would be over the course of 16 weeks in two week intervals with a total of 8 treatments. The nurse was a little confused as to why Dr. Ellis would be giving me Taxotere rather than Taxol. Taxol is in the same family as Taxotere but works differently and can be given every two weeks. Since we were all confused, Dr. Ellis came in and cleared things up. He greeted me a great big hug and kiss on the cheek and proceeded to tell me I look beautiful. Everyone seems to be surprised by how well I am doing through all of this and I credit God 100%. Anyway, I will be taking Taxol every two weeks rather than Taxotere every three. Thanks Goodness....I'm back on schedule! So, if all goes well with the Taxol, my last treatment will be November 19Th. Yea!!!!

The negative about the Taxol is that it is administered over a period of three hours. The first treatment will actually take 5 hours. They administer it so slowly the first time to make sure you don't have an allergic reaction, which is rare, but could happen. The side effects seem to be less than with the first drugs I had. There is little to no nausea but your hands and feet can go numb for long periods of time. Weird. I guess there is no way to know how it will affect me until I have my first treatment. I hope you will all join me in praying for minimal side effects and no allergic reactions. My good friends Hilary and Doreen will be taking me to my next treatment so as least I will have some good entertainment during the 5 hours! Doreen is a nurse so that is an extra plus! I couldn't ask for better!

Before I left for treatment on Tuesday morning, this is what I saw when I walked into the bathroom. I thought I would share this with you! I think Charley could pass at Rambo's daughter. By the way, she put all those hair bands on herself!

Check back later for another update of my special surprise from Ryan and Charley when I returned home!

A Great Few Days

2008-09-20T14:19:00.003-05:00

For those of you wondering, I had an incredible 29th Birthday. I was showered with lots of cards, presents, and warm wishes. The best part of my day was my date with Ryan that evening. He took me to Ocean Zen and then we went to a movie. First let me just say that I am pretty sure the food I ate at Ocean Zen was by far the best food I have ever eaten in my life. It was so amazing! I want to thank everyone who called, sent a card, and wished me well on my birthday. It really made turning 29 such a special day in my life!

For the past week I have been battling a nasty cold. I kept thinking it was allergies until my snot turned green. Sorry.....but that's how I knew it was an infection. I woke up this morning with an incredible amount of pain on the right side of my face. That's when I knew that I was starting to get a sinus infection. Yuck. I called the Dr. on call up in St. Louis and within 30 minutes I had an antibiotic in my hand. Now that is what I call good medical care. Since I only take the antibiotic for five days, I am hoping to be over this nasty cold and feel great by my next treatment which is this coming Wednesday. Where has the time gone!? Next Wednesday will mark huge progress in my treatment schedule. First, it will be my 4th treatment which means that I will be 1/2 way done. Yay! Next, it will be my final treatment of Adriamycin and Cytoxin! Yay Again! Ryan will be staying home with Charley for the next treatment so please pray for the both of them as they enjoy the time together. My parents will be taking me up to St. Louis and my mom's birthday is actually that Wednesday. It will be nice to celebrate both of our birthday's. Please add safe travels to your prayer lists and that I would kick this nasty cold before then. Thanks and God Bless you all!

A Brand New Year

2008-09-18T06:36:00.003-05:00

Today I am 29. I don't think I have ever looked forward to a birthday as much as this one. I know that 30 is the "BIG" one for most people, but for me, it's 29. I have accomplished a lot in my 20's. For example, I graduated from college, I got married, I moved away for 2 1/2 years, I began my teaching career, I moved back to Springfield, I got pregnant, I had a miscarriage, I got pregnant again and gave birth to Charley Ryan, I ended my teaching career, Ryan and I started our own business, and.....I got breast cancer. Whew! I have been busy the past several years! Out of all the years in my 20's however, 28 was the hardest. I started 28 sick in the hospital with an unknown bacterial infection. Two months prior, my dad had been in the hospital for a week because of pneumonia. In March, Charley spent several days in the hospital due to dehydration from a nasty bug. Charley felt bad for being the only one who was sick so she was kind enough to pass it on to Ryan and I for several days. In May, I discovered a lump in my right breast. No big deal right? Wrong. Two weeks before Charley's 2ND Birthday I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Two weeks after Charley's birthday I had bilateral mastectomy's. In August I began chemo therapy and am almost half-way done.

Don't get me wrong, 28 wasn't ALL bad. Our family has some wonderful memories from the past year. However, age 29 has never sounded so "fresh" and "new" to me. Although I am starting age 29 in the same way I ended age 28, I feel an abundance of life ahead of me. I feel that God is going to do some amazing things in my life this year. I am so thankful for another birthday. Goodbye 28......Hello 29!

Calling on All Prayer Warriors

2008-09-13T05:50:00.003-05:00

Hello Everyone! The past couple of days I have felt OK. I have been waking up really early in the mornings, which isn't so bad because it is very peaceful and quiet. However, I don't think I feel quite as good after this past treatment as I did with treatment number 2. Before I started chemo therapy, several people told me that after the third and fourth treatment, you sometimes start to feel worse because it starts to catch up with you. The good thing is, I only have one more treatment of Adriamyacin and Cytoxan and the I am half way done with my treatments. The next four will be a drug called Taxotere. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to my last treatment in November. That last treatment means that my body finally begins to heal from all of this, I get new, softer boobies, my hair begins to grow back, I get the opportunity to be a better mom and wife, and I can continue to glorify and honor God by reaching out to others. I don't think that sounds so bad! As I do every so often, I would like to request a few specific prayer request for this week:

1. Please pray for strength in the coming days. My body is achy, my bowels are out of whack, and the fatigue is almost unbearable. I have had a dry cough for several days and the drainage in my throat is making it scratchy.

2. Please pray for patience. Chemo therapy does strange things to your mind and body. Please pray that I would be quick to listen and slow to speak. Pray that I would be reminded that Charley doesn't understand what I am going through and as much as Ryan is trying, it is nearly impossible.

3. Finally, next Thursday is my 29Th birthday! I never thought I would be going through chemo therapy at the age of 29. However, God is so good and my birthday just happens to fall during a week that I don't have treatment. Ryan and I have dinner plans Thursday and then we are taking Charley to see High School Musical at Little Theatre with our best friends Hilary, Kevin, and Zach! Thanks Rachel for the tickets! This birthday is so special to me in so many ways. I have beaten cancer at a young age and my life has forever been touched by the hand of God. Please pray that God would bring an abundance of strength and energy on September 18Th.

Thank you all for your prayers! Everyone of you reading this are incredible. I love you all and pray that your lives are blessed everyday by the grace of God!

Our Trip Home

2008-09-11T07:02:00.005-05:00

Ryan and I enjoying lunch after chemo.

Yesterday after chemo, Ryan and I decided to stay and grab a bite to eat before heading home. I never eat anything during chemo therapy for fear of getting sick myself or someone else getting sick because of the smell. The nurses do provide little snacks if you need something to hold you over which is nice. However, the last thing I want to do is get in the car for a 3 hour drive on an empty stomach. Our hotel is in the heart of Central West End in St. Louis. There are so many quaint little shops and places to eat. For breakfast I enjoyed blueberry pancakes from The Majestic Cafe and Ryan had a Greek Omelet. It was so good! Then after treatment, we headed over to the Wild Flower Cafe where we sat outside and dined like true St. Louis residents. I enjoyed a BLT with a spinach salad and lobster bisque soup and Ryan had the fried calamari. We are working on getting away from fried foods and have been praying that God would give us more wisdom when it comes to our eating habits. If having cancer doesn't change that, I don't know what will. Here are some pics of our travels home.

Ryan enjoying the ambiance!

Me, enjoying the beautiful weather!

This is my first time out in public without my hat. Luckily we were just at some scary truck stop. I think I actually scared the truckers. Whatever works, right?

Another truck stop. At least this one had a pretty sunset in the background.

3 Down......5 to Go!

2008-09-10T14:36:00.006-05:00

Cheese! It's Treatment 3!

I am officially receiving my third chemo treatment as we speak. I was actually supposed to start treatement at 1:00 but ended up having to wait over an hour to see the Dr. so that put me behind schedule. Oh Well. I did ask the doctor today about my chances of reoccurance. She (the doctor's nurse) told me there is actually a program where they can enter in information about the size of my tumor, the type of cancer, my age, and lymph node involvement and then the program will give a percentage for reoccurance based on those factors. I chose NOT to have this done. I don't want my life to have a percentage tagged to it. The nurse did make the point that even if I had an actual "number" it wouldn't change my plan of action. I am doing everything I can to ensure that my cancer won't come back. Also, I'm not the type of person to believe that a statistic is the "end all, say all." God is using me to do great things, and this is just the beginning. I believe He is preparing me mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically for something big. As to when that door will open, that is up to HIM. My statistics show that God has healed me forever. I have seen Him answer my prayers and the prayers of others and I will serve Him and honor Him for the rest of my life. God is bigger than any percentage!

Just another day in my life!

Thanks Doreen!

2008-09-08T06:46:00.003-05:00

One of the most amazing people I have met throughout my journey is Doreen. Doreen and I attend church together and I met her within days of my diagnosis. She, like me, was diagnosed with breast cancer at a young age. Early on in my diagnosis, I felt like a deer caught in the headlights. There were so many decisions to be made and not a lot of time to make them. However, my conversations with Doreen always led to reassurance, confidence, and hope for my future. I now have a picture of Doreen and her family on my refrigerator. It is a reminder to me everyday that I will overcome this obstacle in my life and that I will be whole again. My hair will grow back, my breast will be reshaped and resized, and I will live my life strong and healthy. She has become such a great friend and I thank God for her.

Last Wednesday, Doreen gave Charley a book titled The Hope Tree. It is a book filled with short stories written by children whose mother's have been diagnosed with breast cancer. The stories reflect how breast cancer affects a child and a family. The very first story is written by an 8 year old boy named Anthony. He talks about the day his mom received the news. He didn't understand why his mom had been crying all day. However, he knew something wasn't right because his house was utter chaos and it had never been that way before. Because of the chaos, he ended up eating cookies for dinner, his dad put the milk in the pantry, and his sister fell asleep that night wearing her tutu. This story was such a great reflection of how I felt in the days following my diagnosis. My entire world froze in time as watched the world around me continue to move on day after day. I couldn't even think about what I should fix Charley for dinner. Who knows, she may have eaten cookies herself a couple of nights!

Thank you Doreen for this book. It will hold a special place in my heart for the rest of my life. You have been such an inspiration to me and I thank God for our friendship!

Charley reading her new book.

Thank you Doreen! I love it!

One Amazing Night

2008-09-06T07:04:00.004-05:00

Last night I went with my best friend Hilary to a Women's Rally at my church. First just let me say that I LOVE MY CHURCH! I thank God for bringing me and my family to James River. Ryan and I began attending James River a little over three years ago. We have continued to find ourselves blessed time and time again. It feels so wonderful to walk into our church and feel an incredible amount of warmth and love. We have met a lot of wonderful people, including several who have had a huge influence and impact on my life throughout this journey. I truly love these people and thank God for bringing them into my life.

Last night at the rally, I was overwhelmed by the presence of God. There was a calling for women to be prayed over who were having trouble conceiving, women who currently had cancer, and for women who had survived cancer. I was touched by the number of women laying their hands on me and praying for strength and continued healing. As I have seen throughout this journey, the power of prayer is incredible. Time and time again I hear stories of miraculous healing and this continues to encourage me and remind me of how big God is.

I continue to get daily emails from people I don't know and from people that I do know telling me what an inspiration I am to them. I love knowing that God is doing a great work in my life and therefore will do a great work in the life of someone else.

This blog was created to document a part of my life that will soon be over with. When you hear you have cancer, the world stops. You quit doing things that you once enjoyed. Everything moves in slow motion. Making decisions don't come easy. Before I was diagnosed, I took a lot of things for granted. The things that were important to me, where things that did not matter. Things such as keeping my house in tip-top shape. Making sure there was not one dirty piece of laundry in my laundry basket....ever. Complaining about the things that I didn't have. God really taught me a lesson in that area. I love knowing that I am inspiring others. However, I am a work in progress. God continues to work in my life. I am learning everyday how to submit myself to Him and allow Him to take on all my worries, all my doubts, and all my fears. This doesn't always come easy for someone who loves to be in control. I am not any different from those of you reading this blog. When I was diagnosed I just made the choice to live my life differently. I knew I couldn't battle cancer alone and I knew the only person that could battle it and win was God Himself. It was at that point that I quit trying to control every aspect of my life and those around me. I do relapse every so often, but then somehow I am reminded that I don't want to live my life as I did before my diagnosis. If you will allow Him, God will make a profound mark in your life just as He did mine. You don't have to wait for a life-threatening diagnosis to change the way you live. I pray that each of you reading this continues to be inspired by just a regular girl who is not perfect, but who has chosen to allow God to do great works in her life. You too can be that person. God is so great and He wants to use you to further His kingdom. All you have to do is allow Him.

A Scooter Babe

2008-09-04T15:05:00.003-05:00

This blog is for my friend Mary in New York. Most of you reading this know that Mary and I became friends because she came across my blog and decided to email me. Our breast cancer journeys parallel one another. We were both diagnosed at around the same time, both had bilateral mastectomies, and are now both undergoing the same chemo regimen on the same day of each month. We are also both scheduled for reconstruction in December. Mary has been such a blessing to my life. I always look forward to her emails and she is always offering me words of encouragement. A couple of weeks ago Mary was kind enough to send me two bandannas from Orange County Choppers in NY. In case your not familiar, Orange County is where the American Choppers show on TLC takes place. Since Ryan builds custom motorcycle seats, this was an extra special treat for us because that is one of our favorite shows. If only those guys needed a motorcycle seat from Anvil Customs! I wanted to show Mary my appreciation by sporting the bandanna on my blog. Since Ryan doesn't own a motorcycle, I had to model on the next best thing......his scooter. Thanks Mary!

Meaningful Pictures

2008-09-03T09:03:00.004-05:00

Hello Everyone! I hope those of you who saw the hair buzzing pictures haven't lost any sleep! I know there were probably several of you who were frightened, especially by the pictures of Ryan. I apologize. Things have been going fairly well. I definitely did better with this round of chemo. It didn't seem to be quite as hard on my body. I wouldn't say the fatigue was better, but the overall side effects did seem to be less. It's hard to believe that this time next week I will be getting yet another treatment. The weeks are flying by which is a good thing. However, Fall is my favorite time of year and I hate that it will be over with before I know it.

I imagine that everyone reading this blog knows someone who has been affected by cancer. Perhaps you have lived through cancer yourself. If so, then you know how cancer can get the best of you. I have chosen to remain positive and optimistic through this journey. However, that doesn't mean that I don't ever experience doubt, fear, or anger. Just last night I was looking at a picture of our family from Easter, 2007. Charley was nine months old at the time and our life seemed perfect. The picture shows a happy family with little to no concern. Less than two years later, our lives were flipped upside down. Pictures taken before June 12Th, 2008 appear differently to me. I am reminded in those pictures that I could never have prepared or known what was coming. I would never have thought that at age 28 I would be fighting cancer. Luckily, I beat it, even though chemo makes me feel like it is winning at times. When I look at pictures taken after that historic date in June, I see a family that has grown closer together. I see a husband that never thought he would watch his wife go through cancer. I see a daughter who will never know the sacrifices her mommy made so that she could see her grow up. And I see me. A mom, a wife, and a daughter who has more appreciation for life. I see a strong woman who is a fighter.

Pictures really do speak a million words.

Easter 2007

August 2008

Bald Is Beautiful.......I Beg To Differ!

2008-08-28T10:52:00.009-05:00

Well I did it. Or should I say Ryan did it. I can fully blame him. As I mentioned in my earlier post, my hair really started thinning and falling out the past two days. It was difficult to fix and was becoming a real pain. The funny thing was I had two different nurses at Siteman tell me how great my wig looked yesterday. All I could do was laugh and then I told them it was my real hair. They couldn't believe it because normally my hair would have already fallen out. Then, two other ladies went on and on about how cute my haircut was. Just what I need to hear on the day I am preparing to shave my head!

Last night when I got home I just felt it was mentally time to do it. I wasn't really all that nervous, and to be honest, my scalp was starting to get very tender from all the dead hair. I was worried about waking up in the morning with hair all over my pillow or hair falling out in Charley's breakfast or some other meal I might be preparing. So, I decided that Aug. 27th, 2008 would be the last time I would give in to my cancer journey. The chemo is giving me my life and from here on out, the cancer that I once had can take nothing more from me. The one positive thing, I was really impressed with the shape and size of my head. No wierd moles or birthmarks that I didn't know about. All the hair that is left on my head will go ahead and fall out in a couple of days and then I will officially be slick. I hate to say it, but Britney Spears doesn't have anything on me!

I have posted a few pics of us below, but if you want to see how it all went down, click on the album below. All I ask is that you don't cry. That would be allowing cancer to do it's job. Rejoice and be happy. I am, why shouldn't you!?

Now you see it...............

Now you don't!

My little angel supporting me every step of the way!

This is a bag that Ryan custom-made for me! I love it!

This is a picture of my wig. Not bad.

This is me going out for the first time since "The Big Buzz".

Hair Buzzing

Click on the Album for more Pics!

Chemo Treatment # 2

2008-08-28T10:14:00.003-05:00

I was so happy to see that Ryan had actually accessed the blog and did a post on my behalf. What a sweet guy to update everyone on my latest treatment. Yesterday went really well. At 9:30 I met with a dietitian who offered some much needed advice regarding my diet and nutrition during chemo. However, when I met with Dr. Eillis's nurse later that morning, she stressed not worrying to much about what I am eating during chemo as long as I am just eating something. She went on to say that after chemotherapy is complete that Dr. Ellis will begin setting me up on a diet and nutrition plan that will help benefit avoiding any possible chance of recurrence in the future. So, for now, I eat what I want to eat, when I want to eat and then after chemo complete it is on to better eating habits.

My blood counts looked great yesterday. I can thank the $3500 Neulasta shot that I take the day after chemo. Don't worry, I don't have to pay that much for it. I have little to no nausea today, but day 3 and 4 are always worst. I think the Neulasta shot has something to do with that. I know it makes my bones ache for several days which is miserable.

I met a man at chemo yesterday who was given a grave diagnosis last March after hearing that he had been diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. He lives in Illinois and his doctor had basically told him to begin making "arrangements." However, his doctor also said that he was going to go ahead and refer him to The Siteman Cancer Center because they had been known to perform miracles. After chemo, radiation, and surgery, he is now considered cancer free. He, like me, is now undergoing chemotherapy to just ensure that any microscopic cells that might be wanting to set up house somewhere are destroyed. Another miracle at Siteman. God is at work in the lives of the doctors, physicians, and nurses and they want nothing more than for you to believe that you can be healed. I know that a positive attitude has a lot to do with recovery and I can see a direct correlation between the patients and those that you come in contact with at Siteman.

Yesterday also marked the day that my hair officially began to fall out...in clumps. This was very annoying. After washing, drying, and fixing my hair, I had some VERY THIN spots where it was apparent that there was no hair left there. So, last night, Ryan shaved my head. Don't worry, I know everyone is curious to know and see how that went I did take pictures to document the experience. However, you'll have to wait until this evening for that posting, but I can guarantee you it will be worth it.

At first I was a little concerned about posting pictures of my bald head out there for all to see, but then again, that is what this blog is all about. It is a journey of my experience of having HAD breast cancer and now undergoing chemotherapy. I had made the decision that when my hair began to fall out, I would now allow that to happen. cancer took my breast but in turn I took the cancer. The chemo is a result of the cancer so allowing it to take my hair would be giving in. Not a chance. The hair is gone on my behalf...or Ryan's and I couldn't be more happier...just a little bit colder! Ha!

Thank you God for the little to no side effects. Give me strength and a positive attitude over the coming days. Thank you Lord for giving me such a supportive and loving husband who has looked so far beyond my physical body. I love you Lord and pray that you continue to work miracles in my life and that in turn, others lives would be encouraged and strengthened.

2 down...2 to go....kinda

2008-08-27T14:47:00.003-05:00

Woo-hoo! Wasson here.....I just got a call from Mel and she is finished with CHEMO NUMERO DOS!! Only 2 more treatments of A & C and then its onto T!!

I must say, ever since Mel and her mom left yesterday morning, I was called about every hour from Melody wondering how things were going with Charley and just to let me know she was eating or sitting or whatever she was doing at that particular moment. The COOL THING is.....she always sounded completely UPBEAT....completely POSITIVE.....completely COOL, calm, and collected. I don't know how she does it folks! Actually, I do know God is sooooo good to us. We are blessed to be blessed by God and I see it everyday in Melody.

So, Melody is currently at Applebee's outside their hotel awaiting her scrumptious little snack and then they'll hit the road (trust me, Pat's driving....they're HITTIN' the road!) and will be home in no time at all.

God is good.

Here We Go Again

2008-08-26T06:31:00.002-05:00

Well, today I leave for St. Louis so that I can have another chemo treatment tomorrow. Lucky me. I didn't sleep all that well last night and I am hoping that I might rest better tonight. Ryan is staying here with Charley and my mom has the honor of driving me up there. I know Ryan hates the thought of not being there with me, but we thought it would be better for him to stay here with Charley. I will need him every second when I get home tomorrow evening.

I would like to round up all my prayer warriors this week. I know I have people constantly praying for me, but I have some specific request if you don't mind.

1. Please pray that I would recover faster from this treatment. I know that the first few days will be difficult, but I would like to regain my strength so that I feel somewhat like a normal person.

2. Please pray that the drive home would be easy. It's always kind of scary to think that you have a 3 hour drive home after a chemo treatment. Pray that I would make it home without getting sick.

3. Please pray that God would give me patience with my family. When I'm not feeling well I tend to be impatient and crabby. I'm not always the most pleasant person to be around. I know that some of you would say that I have an excuse, but I don't agree. Chemo is not an excuse to treat my loved ones poorly. This entire experience has and is robbing me of so many things physically. I don't want it to rob me mentally and emotionally.

4. Finally, please pray for Ryan and Charley while I am gone. Pray for their safety and that they would be protected. It is so hard leaving the both of them, even if it is just for a day. I love them both so much.

Thank you for your prayers.

Blessings Above & Beyond

2008-08-23T20:56:00.005-05:00

The past couple of days have been a whirlwind. I really started feeling like my old self on Wednesday. Since then, I have been running around like the mother and wife I was before this whole mess. All the energy I used up in the past couple of days must have finally caught up with me, because today I was pooped. This afternoon I actually laid down for a 2 hour nap....my first since last Tuesday! It's hard to believe that in just two more days I will be on my back up to St. Louis. I don't know what's worse; the first treatment because I didn't know what to expect, or the second treatment because I know what to expect. My prayer is that God will bring me out of "chemo world" a little faster than last time. Feeling great the past couple of days has been such a blessing. I am faithful that God will restore my strength after each chemo treatment and give me the opportunity to play wife and mother before getting zapped again. After next week I will have only 6 more treatments. I am looking forward to when I can count down my treatments on one hand.

This past week God not only brought me much needed strength, but He used a number of people to bless our family. These are just a few of the ways God has continued to show Himself to us:

1. We continue to receive wonderful meals from people. I love to cook, but due to my lack of energy, it is not something I feel up to. Having a meal provided twice a week has been such a blessing.

2. My parent's Sunday school class took up a collection for our family to help cover travel expenses to and from St. Louis. Although my insurance pays for my treatment at the Siteman Cancer Center, the expense of traveling back and forth is not covered. What a blessing to be able to apply that towards hotel and gas costs.

3. My friend Mary from New York sent me a generous check to also help cover the cost of travel. Mary is a wonderful wife and mother who is also going through chemotherapy. She and I are actually on the same chemo schedule so we correspond by email frequently to discuss our side effects and offer each other support. What is so incredible about Mary is that she found my blog by googling "faith during breast cancer." After keeping up with my blog for several weeks, she sent me an email and we became instant friends. Despite never having met me, God used her to be a blessing to me. I would ask that you all pray for Mary just as you all pray for me.

4. God used my sister-in-law Kristen to help provide a way for Charley to still be able to attend preschool this fall. She really went above and beyond and once again, God blessed us in a unimaginable way .

5. I received an email from a local Spa letting me know that I had been chosen for a free massage for the month of August. My good friend Kristen (yes, another Kristen) nominated me for a massage that is given away once a month to someone extra deserving. I was chosen as that person and have to admit that I am looking forward to little extra pampering. God had already blessed my life through my friendship with Kristen. He is a God that just keeps giving.

When I was first diagnosed, Ryan and I did the only thing we knew to do and that was to totally turn the situation over to God. We knew that any hardship we faced in the coming months would be battled by our glorious God. I just don't think we could have ever imagined what that would mean. Just as God has used so many people to bless me, I pray that He continues to use me to bless others. I don't have much to offer right now other than my faith in Him. I will continue to honor and glorify Him and I pray that the lives of others would be strengthened as they read of the ways He continues to be a blessing to my family. Our faith continues to grow and despite the hard days that are ahead, we continually look forward to all that God has to offer us. I pray that you and your family would see God's blessings and hear God's whispers as you live each day.

Deflated

2008-08-19T14:38:00.002-05:00

I'm alive...in case your wondering. It's hard to believe that in just one week I will be on the road to St. Louis for another chemo treatment. I'm just now getting over the last one. The good thing is that I am feeling better. The worse symptom at this point is achy bones. I know this comes from the Neulasta shot that Ryan has to give me 24 hours after my chemo treatment. The Neulasta shot helps get my white blood counts back up to a healthy level so that I can have another treatment, which is a good thing. However, one of the side affects of the shot is mild to moderate bone pain. The best way to describe it is the way you feel when you are achy from the flu and we all know how that feels.

My other major complaint this past week was my chest. Since I have spent so much time sleeping and not up moving around, the weight of my chest was really starting to get to me. I woke up several nights in a row gasping for a breath. The lack of oxygen was making me nauseated. The pain and nausea meant taking more pills which meant more sleeping. I really didn't like the way the pills were making me feel and I knew that I could not continue this pattern until my final implant surgery in December. So, I went to the plastic surgeon today and got deflated. Not all the way, but he did remove enough saline on each side to provide some relief. There was an instant difference. My chest had been so tight before and now there is actually a little give. I'm happy and hopefully I will rest better tonight.

I know some of you are wondering, and yes, I still have my hair. I feel like a weird science experiment. Everyday I wake up expecting to see a huge clump of hair on my pillow. I was told I would start losing it within 10 - 14 days and today is day seven. I figure I have just a few days left with my hair and then it's Asta La Vista Baby. Oh Well. It'll grow back.......right?

Finally, I want to thank everyone who has sent me an email. So far I have received 110 emails and I'm pretty sure I have responded to every single one. All the encouraging words and kind gestures have really helped me the past week. I would like to give an extra special shout-out to Ryan. He has been incredible. God has blessed him with a kind and gentle spirit. He has made every effort to help me, encourage me, and remind me why I am fighting so hard right now. I love him for the husband he is to me, and even more, for the dad he is to Charley. I am truly blessed to have such a supportive and loving family. God is so good and I know He will continue to strengthen me each day.

Struggling

2008-08-17T07:25:00.002-05:00

Chemo stinks. I'm not gonna lie. I am so tired it is all I can do to get up, go to the bathroom, and make it back to the couch. Chemo is a weird thing, especially for me. When I was diagnosed with cancer on June 12Th, up until my first chemo treatment, I never once felt "sick." Even through all my surgery, I never felt as if I had cancer. Now that I actually don't have cancer and am just being treated for preventative reasons, I feel more affected by cancer than I ever have. My bones ache, my throat hurts, I'm tired, I have no energy, and the list goes on. I just can't seem to get it together. The ONLY thing, and I mean the ONLY thing that is keeping me going at this moment is knowing that I don't have cancer, no matter how bad I might feel. I also keep telling myself that this part of the journey will be over in just a few months. I didn't expect everyday to be a walk in the park, but I also didn't expect this to be so hard on my body. I know that God is not going to give me more than I can handle and there is comfort in that.

Please pray that God will give me strength. I am looking for just 10 or 15 minutes where I really feel like playing or reading a book with Charley. I know it seems like such a small, insignificant amount of time, but just 10 minutes would mean the world to me.

Hanging In There

2008-08-15T07:34:00.002-05:00

Well, this is the third day after chemo. This is also the day they say is sometimes worse. I am hanging in there hoping that today and tomorrow won't be all that bad and that next week I will be slowly bouncing back......just in time for another treatment! I wanted to share something with all of you so you can add another young girl to your prayers. I went with my mom last night to her breast cancer support group meeting. It took all I had to make it there, but God clearly showed me His purpose when a newly diagnosed 27 year old walked into the meeting. She had actually just been diagnosed on Monday. I don't know to much about her diagnosis, but I know that she could use a lot of prayer. She is from Korea and does not have any family here in the United States. She is living with her boyfriend who is actually suffering from cancer himself. She has yet to find the right words so that she can tell her family back home. I only had a few minutes to talk with her, but in those few minutes, she was such a blessing to me. Please pray that God would take her hand, just as He did mine, and guide her through every step of this journey. She needs Him and all prayer warriors.

God blessed our family once again this morning when I received an email from a wonderful friend. She had volunteered to send us some gas cards to help cover the expense of our travels. Thank you God for allowing this incredible person to be a blessing in the life of my family. God is so good and is doing so many great things. Praise you Lord!

I Made It Home

2008-08-13T21:02:00.012-05:00

Ready for Chemo!

I actually started this blog last night after I got home, but I was just to tired to finish it. Ryan and I returned home last night around 7:00. I thought we made pretty good time since chemo didn't actually start until 1:00. I can't say it enough, Siteman Cancer Center is incredible. I believe that everyone who works there has been called there for a reason. Before my chemo treatment I met with Dr. Ellis. Did I mention that he is awesome? I was a little concerned because when I woke up yesterday morning, my breast appeared to be a flushed red color. This made me nervous because I had just had my drains out two days prior and wasn't sure if I might be developing an infection. Dr. Ellis took a look, but didn't seemed to be to concerned, but because he likes to play on the safer side of things, he prescribed me an antibiotic. Then, it was off to chemo. I was lucky enough to get a bed. I like the beds so much more than the chairs/recliners. Once I got back to Pod 5, that was my Pod for the day, I met the kindest nurses ever. Marilyn was my primary nurse and the words sweet, nice, and kind could not even come close to describing her! In no time at all I was hooked up to my port getting a strong dose of anti-nausea meds. Then, it was on to the real good drugs. The Adriamycin took only about 10 minutes to put in. Only 10 minutes and it's the one that takes my hair. Potent little booger! After the Adriamydin came the Cytoxin. That one took a little longer because it can give you ice cream headaches if your not careful. I didn't have a problem with it however, Praise God.

I noticed when I walked into Pod 5 that there was a man on the other side of the room diagonal to me. He was in is late fifties, maybe early sixties. He was dressed nicely and his wife was right there with him. As Ryan and were leaving, he was still there with his wife. We had been talking to those around us about how we were from Springfield and it was quite a drive but that we didn't care because we knew we were getting the best medical care possible. As Ryan and I left Pod 5 and were walking out of the treatment center, the wife of this man approached us. She said she had overheard us talking about driving back and forth to and from Springfield for the next 16 weeks. She said that her husband has always been a diabetic and was just recently diagnosed with congenital heart failure and lymphoma. She then explained that she and her husband live in Chesterfield and have a home with 3 extra large bedrooms that we could come and stay in at anytime. She has some family in Nixa and Ozark so she was familiar with the drive and the expense. All I could do was cry. She gave us her name and number and I'm not so sure that Ryan and I won't take her up on her offer one of these times. God put that woman right in our path, on our way out, in the middle of a conversation Ryan and I were having about wishing we had a place to go back to rather than getting in the car and driving 3 1/2 hours home. Blessed to Be a Blessing! Thank you Charlotte for your kindness and showing God's love to us.

The ride home wasn't to bad. I did have Ryan pull over once so that I could get some nausea meds. They helped and at this point, I am staying on them whether I feel like I need them our not! I have some pictures of my first chemo treatment that I am going to post for all of you at the end of this blog. But first, some praise reports and more prayer request:

Praise:

1. I have yet to feel that nauseous. I am very sleepy, but sleep can be handled easily.

2. The bowels are working! This is a serious praise!

3. Ryan and I made it home safely.

4. The presence of the Lord was with us yesterday leading us through every step.

Prayer Request:

1. That the next few days I would get well rested and slowly regain the energy I need to function as normal as possible.

2. That God would bless us financially. We have applied for assistance, but it is a waiting process and seems to be just little bits here and there. Although well-worth it, the expense of traveling to and from St. Louis twice a month has added a bit more stress to our already stressful financial situation.

3. That God would give Ryan the strength and energy to take care of his wife, Charley, and the business and that we would all rely heavily on the word of God in the coming months.

4. Finally, that God would continue to allow us to be a blessing to those around us. God's purpose for my life is greater than anything I could ever imagine at this point, but I continue to feel the push and the shove to get out there and spread His word. I can't wait to see what He has in store for me, my family, and all those I come in contact with.

Praise you Lord for your answered prayers and blessings. Be with all those who received chemotherapy yesterday, from the people I met in Pod 5 to my new friend Mary in New York. God protect these people and their families through this difficult time.

My Pre-Chemo Meal: Oatmeal with Walnuts from Panera

The Parkway Hotel - Home away from home

Siteman Cancer Center - My second Home away from Home

Ryan supporting his wife, as always!

I can't believe that this is actually happening!

This was my nurse Marilyn. She is a wonderful woman.

I was freezing. It's not as bad as it looks!

Marilyn is teaching Ryan how to give me my neulasta shot at home. Scary!

I'm glad he got to practice. Hope he does that well on me!

In The Process

2008-08-13T13:49:00.002-05:00

Well, here I am. I am laying here in my bed getting my first official chemo treatment. So far, so good. They have given me major doses of nausea meds and I have had my first dose of Adriamycin. I will now officially lose my hair, probably within 10 days. Whoopie! Ryan and I did hit up a wig shop yesterday but just didn't find anything that we really liked for the price they wanted us to pay. We plan of visiting LA Wigs when we get back to Springfield. They had a great selection and were even willing to offer me a discount since I am a cancer patient. I should be done here in about an hour and then we are going to high-tail it home. I am faithful that I will make it home with no problems. This place is so incredible. I plan on doing a blog update later this evening depending on how I feel. Please continue to pray for me. Specifically that I would not experience any nausea and my bowels would begin working properly again. Sorry for that last prayer request, but you have no idea how important that it is! Love you all and God Bless!

World's Greatest Mom

2008-08-12T20:41:00.004-05:00

I have the most incredible mom in the world. I don't know how else to start this post. Yesterday before leaving for chemo, I went by my mom's house to pick up all my medications. My mom had been kind of enough to take all my prescriptions and have them filled for me. Throughout this entire process she has done SO MUCH! It is because of her (and the grace of God) that I am able to get my treatment at Barnes. She is the one that overnighted all my information to Barnes so that I could get a second opinion ASAP. She has also taken care of numerous issues with my insurance. I am so glad that God healed her 20 years ago and that she is here to help through every step. She's been there. She's knows what I can expect.

Yesterday she presented me with a chemo kit to put in my car for our trips up to St. Louis. She had purchased a blanket for me, a small cooler to keep bottled water and lemonade in (she even purchased a pink lemonade for me to take to chemo), a good book to read, a bag of lifesavers to suck on during treatment, a bag of trash bags, a box of Kleenex, an extra pillow, and even a container of wet wipes (don't ask!). As she was giving me all these things I realized how incredibly lucky I am to have a mom that is alive and cares so much about me. I cannot begin to imagine how it must feel to see her daughter go through this. I would be devastated if I had to witness my child go though anything remotely similar.

Mom you truly are the greatest. You and Dad have both gone above and beyond. I love you so much and I know you will be with me in spirit tomorrow. This in an incredible place filled with hope. Thank you. God has had a hand in your life though all of this. He has allowed you to be in the right place at the right time, working efficiently. I could never thank you enough. Please know that you are amazing. I love you and dad so much!

I'm A Free Woman

2008-08-11T15:23:00.002-05:00

Today was the day! I finally got my drains out. It wasn't exactly pleasant, but their out and I am never looking back. I honestly wasn't expecting to get them out today. My fluid was pretty much at the same level it had been a week ago. I was very disappointed walking into Dr. Geter's office today. Leaving the drains in meant that chemo would be postponed an entire week. That was something I really didn't want to deal with. I was mentally prepared to have my first chemo treatment this week. One down would mean only 7 more to go. When Dr. Geter came in, I think he could sense my frustration. He explained that because my fluid level was remaining the same, he felt it would be OK to go ahead and take the drains out. What!? Take the drains out!? I'm not prepared for this today! He went on to explain that leaving the drains in to long could cause an infection. I certainly didn't want that!

Dr. Geter left his nurse to do the dirty work and I immediately went into panic mode. I could hardly stand to have her touch me before I was flinching and breathing heavily. Before Dr. Geter had left the room he told me he could give me a local anaesthetic to make it less painful. However, he said that most people prefer to just have the drains taken out quickly rather than be poked with a needle. Sorry, poke me with the needle. I had the nurse go back and get Dr. Geter so he could numb me up. It certainly helped, but it didn't take away all the pain. I was instructed to take a deep breath in and out on the count of three. I know I breathed in, I'm just not sure I ever exhaled. When she pulled out the drain, it made this popping sound on the inside and then I could literally feel it being pulled out of my breast. I know, it sounds weird because it is weird. Ryan was with me and I'm not sure he took a breath throughout the whole ordeal either. I did hear him give a big sigh when it was over. After she did one side, she had to go and do the other. I personally think they should have one person on each side so that they can both be done at once! I'm glad it's over to say the least.

Now comes the hard part. Ryan and I will leave for St. Louis at 7:00 in the morning. I have an appointment at Barnes at 1:00 for an echo cardiogram. This is to make sure that my heart is healthy enough for the Adriamycin. If all goes according to plan, I will start my first chemo treatment on Wednesday at 11:00. I'm feeling a bit anxious and I am sad that I have to leave Charley every two weeks, but I know the benefit of it all will pay off in the end. I will try and update you as often as possible.

I do have one very specific prayer request: Please pray that I would not experience one ounce of nausea during my treatments. I can handle fatigue and an achy body, but I can't handle nausea. I know that God is bigger than any anti-nausea medicine. I don't expect chemo to be a walk in the park, I just need it to be as gentle on my body as possible. Thank you prayer warriors and Praise God for His promise to us!

Incredible

2008-08-09T14:11:00.002-05:00

I know I just did a new posting a few moments ago, but this is to good to not post right away. A very good friend and fellow breast cancer survivor just sent this to me and I had to share it with all of you! (Thank you Doreen!) If you want to watch the video, you will need to pause the music on the left hand side.

I pray that this video has the same impact on you as it did me!

God Bless!

New Hair and A New Friend

2008-08-09T13:19:00.006-05:00

Well, I did it. I chopped my hair off. I am not happy about it, but I know it is going to make things easier when my hair actually starts to fall out. The past couple of days have kind of been a downer because this haircut is not for me. I miss my long(er) hair. The only good thing about it is that it only takes me about one second to style. I am actually kind of looking forward to my hair falling out now. Is that bad? Just about the time I actually get used to it, I expect it to be gone. Oh Well. I'll have my old hair back in no time.....I hope! My daughter, Charley, insisted that she pose with her mommy for the pictures. I could hardly believe that she didn't go running in the other direction when she saw me! As you can see, Charley has a busted lip. Her dang "blankie" has a tendency to get caught up in her feet when she walks. This was a bad fall with a face plant right on the hard wood floor. However, she sure didn't mind showing off her "ouchie" for the pictures!

The past couple of days I have been exchanging emails with a lovely girl who lives in Albany, NY. For quite sometime I had noticed that someone from Catskill, NY was keeping close tabs on my blog. I was thrilled to know that I had a New Yorker keeping up with my journey. Thursday, I received an email from her. She is a wee bit older than I, but not by much. What is strange is that our journeys with breast cancer mirror each other somewhat. She had a bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction and is currently undergoing the expansion process as well. We are actually to begin chemo the same day, next Wed., and are going to be taking the same drugs the same amount of time. So, we will not only start chemo at the same time, we will finish at the same time as well. Like me, She is scheduled to have her final implant surgery in December. God is so incredible!

When she first emailed me, she said she came across my blog by googling "faith & breast cancer." Praise God! God is using my blog to reach women all over this nation! I am excited for my new friend and I to begin our chemo journey together. I am sure we will have all kinds of stories to share with one another. God continues to bring so many people into my life. Thank you Lord for your incredible love for me. I pray that throughout this journey I would continue to meet new people and that you would use me as a way to offer them hope. God Bless!

Siteman Cancer Center...Here We Come!!

2008-08-07T14:04:00.007-05:00

I have finally found some time to update the blog. I will warn you, this is going to be quite lengthy. As many of you know, on Tuesday I headed up to The Siteman Cancer Center at Washington University in St. Louis, MO. The point of my visit was to get a second opinion from another oncologist in regards to my chemo regimen. I wanted to make sure that I was going to receive the best treatment with the right drug combinations. My mom and Ryan both accompanied me to the appointment. Now, before I go any further, I think it is important that you know why we chose Barnes.

Last month, my mom and I attended her monthly breast cancer support group meeting. I was the "newby" and by far the youngest one there. Each woman took the time to introduce themselves to me. One woman in particular mentioned that she always advises anyone with any kind of cancer to seek a second opinion. She explained that she had seen a wonderful oncologist by the name of Dr. Ellis at Barnes in St. Louis. With that being said, my mom and I began to consider doing the same for me. After researching the doctor online, we found that Dr. Ellis had written numerous research reports on breast cancer and that he is currently Head of the breast cancer program at The Siteman Cancer Center. Everyone agreed that I needed to try and get an appointment with Dr. Ellis. My mom began frantically scrambling around to get every film, slide, path. report, and doctor's note from the past two months. Within one week, all my reports had been sent to Barnes and they had called to schedule me an appointment with Dr. Ellis. We were thrilled.

As my mom, Ryan, and myself waited in his office, we began to wonder how our visit would turn out. Would Dr. Ellis be personable? Would he be optimistic? Would he agree or disagree with my diagnosis? Would he find something that I didn't know about it? After a short while, a doctor that works closely with Dr. Ellis came into my room. He asked me some standard questions and went on to say that Dr. Ellis was very interested in my case and that my kind of cancer was right up his alley. After he left the room, we sat there still hoping we had made the right decision. A few moments later, Dr. Ellis entered the room. He was followed by the doctor that had been in just a couple of minutes earlier, a Washington University student doctor, and a nurse. There were now seven people in a small room.

Dr. Ellis introduced himself to us as Matthew. He looked around the room and the first words out his mouth were, "I see we have two breast cancer survivors in the room." I almost fell off the table when I heard those words. I couldn't believe that he considered me to be a breast cancer survivor. Since my surgery, I had always considered myself a survivor; but now a doctor (a really smart doctor) agreed with me. Wow! He then went on to say that his hope was by the end of our meeting we would all feel reassured and more optimistic about my diagnosis. Is this guy for real? With his entourage of doctors, he explained, in very detailed terms, my kind of cancer. What it meant, what it didn't mean, how to treat it, how not to treat it, and so on. He said it was very unlikely that my cancer would ever spread beyond the breast because it was caught early. However, he said if by chance a cell had floated off to a distant location, the chemo would, not may, would kill it.

He mentioned several times that my mom was such an inspiration for me and how I can look at her and know that breast cancer can be beaten. He is so right. When we started talking about treatment he agreed with the drugs I would be given during chemo, but not with the way they were going to administered. Rather than taking all three drugs at the same time over the course of 18 weeks, he suggested I take two of the drugs together four times, for a total of 8 weeks, and then the other drug by itself for the same amount of time. So, instead of having chemo for 18 weeks, it would only be for 16 and it would be easier on my body. He explained that by administering the drugs separately, they work more effectively. Sounds good to me!

When I thought our appointment was just getting ready to wrap up, Dr. Ellis asked if it would be reasonable for me to take my treatments at the Siteman Center. I thought this meant taking my treatments there, but still seeing my oncologist here. No...he meant that I would take my treatments there and that HE would be my oncologist. I could not believe that one of America's Top Doctors (not-kidding) was offering me the chance to be treated by him at a top-notch cancer center. I'm not sure I even thought twice about it. Neither did Ryan. Neither did my mom. Dr. Ellis explained that I will have an entire team of doctors assigned to me, not just one doctor with one nurse. As he left the room yesterday, he stopped to look at me and told me that one of the most important things about the entire process is the relationship an oncologist has with their patients. Then he told me there was NO REASON to believe that I am not cured and will not be cured for the rest of my life. You could feel the presence of God in the room and with each word spoken we were reassured by our decision to come to St. Louis for what we thought was just a second opinion.

I feel overjoyed that I am not only going to get the very best treatment, but I have a doctor who truly believes that I am healed and has my very best interest at heart. The Siteman Cancer Center is a place of hope and I feel so blessed to be a part of something so great. I know this is just another wonderful part of God's plan for my life. I can't wait to see how God uses me each time I go to St. Louis. My prayer is that I can continue to be a blessing to all those I meet throughout this process.

I am currently scheduled to begin chemo next Wednesday, August 13th, at 11:00 am. I still have these dumb old drains (although they are improving) and as you all know they have to come out before treatment. The plan for now is to have the drains out by next Tuesday. On Tuesday, Ryan and I will travel to St. Louis and return home on Wednesday after chemo.

I would like to add that Dr. Ellis was kind enough to prescribe something to help me sleep. It also helps with nausea and anxiety. I took one of the micro-mini pills last night. Are you ready for this......I did not wake up all night long. This is not to say that your prayers aren't working, I just needed a little boost so I could get some much needed rest. Here in about an hour I am on my way to get my pre-chemo haircut. It is probably going to be the shortest I have ever worn it. However, I figure in just a few weeks it is going to be a heck of a lot shorter!

God continues to work miracles in my life. I pray He blesses you in the same way.

I found this video on YouTube. It will give you an idea of how incredibly blessed I am to be a part of Siteman Cancer Center and patient of Dr. Ellis'.

Another Restless Night

2008-08-05T06:01:00.002-05:00

Sleep in becoming an issue for me every night. My back hurts so bad and there is no comfortable position. I'm not sure if my back hurts because I have been sleeping on it for three weeks straight, or because I have what feels like a ton of bricks on my chest. Although getting expanded has been such a blessing, I am beginning to wonder if it is the source of the problem. I have heard of women complaining of back pain because of their large bust size, but I never expected to fall into that category. I don't think it is their size, but rather their lack of movement. I would give anything to lay on my side and have everything just kind of relax, if you know what I mean. I do know this, I can't go another four months with only a few hours of sleep each night. With that being said, I am going to put a call into the doctor to see if he can't provide me with any amount of relief. Not getting enough sleep is so frustrating and annoying. I haven't felt well rested since my surgery.

We are headed up to St. Louis today and I am a little worried about the amount of sleep I will get in the hotel. Maybe I'll rest better, but I'm not counting on it. Please pray for safe travels and that my back pain would subside.

Calling On All Prayer Warriors

2008-08-04T05:44:00.002-05:00

Prayer warriors, I need your help. There are several important things I need you all to pray for this week. I know it's easier for me if I see a specific list of things I need to pray for, so I will number them off at the end of this posting. This past weekend was great. On Saturday my mom and I put in an 11 hour shopping day. Yes....11 hours......with Charley. We had a such a great time and Charley was an angel. She loves to shop with her mom and Nana! Since I will more than likely, okay, very likely, be losing my hair in a couple of weeks, my mom and I began the search for hats, caps, and scarves, oh my. We were able to find some very cute hats and I am now fully prepared to lose to my hair. Well, I am at least prepared to cover my shiny head, maybe not lose my hair.

This morning I go back to the plastic surgeon for another expansion. I was really hoping to have my drains taken out before we head up to St. Louis tomorrow, but I don't think that is going to happen. Who knows though, maybe I'll go in this morning and for some unforeseen reason, they will decide to take them out. That would be fabulous.

Ok, here are the things that I really need you all to pray for:

1. That my drains would be taken out sometime this week. I really need chemo to start as scheduled.

2. For safe travels as Ryan, Charley, myself, and my parents travel to St. Louis tomorrow.

3. That Dr. Ellis would be receptive to our needs and concerns. That he would either provide reassurance when it comes to my chemo treatment plan or give us a better option that is cutting edge when it comes to breast cancer.

4. For me, that I would begin taking better care of my body through diet and exercise.

5. Finally, that God would continue to use me as a tool throughout this journey.

Thank you all for your prayers. I find such comfort knowing that you are all praying on my behalf. God Bless!

Staying On Track

2008-08-02T06:22:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I met with Dr. Geter, my plastic surgeon. I still wasn't able to get my drains out. They are not cooperating very well. However, Dr. Geter was optimistic that I would be able to get them out on Monday......perhaps. Prayer warriors, start praying. Although I have become quite used to them and feel as if they are a part of who I am, I could easily say goodbye and not miss them one bit. A couple of weeks ago Ryan told me a story about a dog he had when he was little. The dog kept killing his neighbors' chickens, so in order to teach the dog a lesson, his dad tied a one of the dead chickens around the dogs neck for several days. I know...it's morbid. Ryan said that after one day, his dog didn't even want to move because he was so sick of the dead chicken rubbing up against him. Unfortunately, the dog didn't learn his lesson despite the punishment because he continued to kill more chickens. I don't blame him. It probably only made him want to kill them even more! Anyway, I kind of feel like that poor dog with a dead chicken tied around my neck. The drains have to go before I go crazy!!

The good thing about my appointment yesterday was that I got expanded.....again. Two more expansions and I am done! I am pretty sore this morning. It is amazing how much the skin will stretch if done gradually. The expansion process is a lot like when a woman's belly expands during pregnancy. The skin is tight and extremely hard. It is really amazing. My cannon ball chest is slowly becoming more like a bowling ball chest. At this point, you would never even know that I had a double mastectomy! Yesterday I asked Dr. Geter how long he has to wait after chemo in order to put in the permanent implants. He told me no less than 4 weeks. So, if everything stays on schedule, and I am faithful it will, my last chemo treatment will be November 24Th. As I have mentioned before, because of insurance purposes, I am desperately trying to get as much done as I can before the end of the year. So, my permanent implant surgery is scheduled for December 29Th! If we make that date it will be by the skin of our teeth. Ironically, December 29Th is my 7Th wedding anniversary to Ryan. Happy Anniversary Ryan! How many other women can say that they gave their husbands "breast augmentation" for their anniversaries?!

The other bit of good news that I have is that next week I will be going to Barnes in St. Louis for a second opinion regarding my chemo regimen. I just want to make sure that I am going to get the most up-to-date treatment and the most effective chemo drugs for my cancer. I pray everyday that I never have to go through this process again. With that being said, if I have to battle it now, I want to do it right the first time. I am looking forward to the appointment. Dr. Ellis is the doctor I will be seeing. He is head of the breast cancer program at Washington University and Barnes. He has done extensive research in the field of breast cancer and I feel so fortunate that I will be able to meet with him and seek his advice. It never hurts to get a second opinion, especially from someone who has been rated one of America's Top Doctors! Thank you Lord!

Bigger & Bigger & Bigger

2008-07-29T15:22:00.006-05:00

In case your wondering, everything is going great. There hasn't been a lot to report during the past couple of days. However, today I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Geter, and now I have some things to report. First of all, I DID NOT get my drains out today. They are still draining more fluid than what they need to be in order to be removed. I am now holding out for Friday. Hopefully, they will be removed then. Dr. Geter made the comment that he would hate to remove them just to have to put them back in if necessary. I agreed with that, so the drains stayed in place and will hopefully be out on Friday. I think having the drains removed would bring a lot of relief so please pray that this would be possible. In addition to having my drains checked, I had my first expansion today. That has got to be the strangest procedure I have ever had done..........besides having my breast removed! I went into Dr. Geter's office today with very small breast, probably an A cup, and walked out a B cup. Literally, a 5 minute transformation. Ryan was standing there with his mouth hanging open as he watched my breasts grow right in front of his eyes.

Now, for those of you wondering, the actual procedure was not that uncomfortable. However, now that it has been about 5 hours, I am beginning to feel the pain of it all. Dr. Geter assured me that I would only have some discomfort for about 24 hours. I am holding him to his word. In addition to hopefully having my drains taken out on Friday, I will be expanded again. The idea is to expand me to a size that I am comfortable with. Once the right size is achieved, I will be expanded just a little more. At the rate I am going....or growing....I predict it will take only a few more expansions before I am happy with my size. The worse part about the entire process is that the expanders are rock hard. There is no give, whatsoever. So, until I have my final implants, I will have to get used to having what feels like cannonballs for breasts. I guess that's better than nothing!

Praise God for doctors like Dr. Geter who are able to put a person back together again. Dr. Geter has helped me feel better about myself and my future. Reconstruction is truly a journey within itself!

Day By Day

2008-07-25T13:09:00.003-05:00

I am pleased to report that the past three days have been terrific! Yesterday was a great day! I had enough energy to do three loads of laundry and take Charley outside to play in the sprinkler. God is so good! Besides these stinkin' drains, I am feeling great! I spoke with my oncologist yesterday and we have my first chemo treatment set up for August 11Th. That is just two weeks from this coming Monday. I am hoping to be fully expanded by that time so that chemo can go on as scheduled. If all goes as planned, my last chemo treatment would be November 24Th allowing enough time for my permanent implants to be put in place before the end of the year. It really is cutting it close, but I continue to be faithful that God will allow everything to work out in His perfect timing.

My mom went to visit her oncologist today for her yearly check-up. While at her appointment, she picked up all of her records from when she had cancer. On August 17Th, 1989, my mom had her first chemotherapy treatment. That is almost 19 years to the day that I will begin chemo. I'm sure my mom never thought that 19 years down the road she would be witnessing her daughter go through the same thing. I pray that 19 years from today there will be a cure and chemotherapy will be a thing of the past.

I know this journey with breast cancer is something that God is using in my life for His purpose. I'm not clear exactly sure how He plans to use me, but I would ask that you would all pray that He guide me in a direction that is glorifying and honoring to Him. I know this is just the beginning of something great for my life and my family. I just have to sit, wait, and listen as the Lord prepares me for whatever it is that I am supposed to do.

Finally, I would like to mention that I over the past week I have received some wonderful meals. Ryan and I feel so blessed to have had meals provided for us. Thank you Hilary for being the meal coordinator. This afternoon I see my surgeon for a post-op check-up. Hopefully, he will think everything looks great! I'll keep you posted!

Today Is A Better Day

2008-07-23T14:14:00.002-05:00

Wow. What a difference a day makes! This is the first day I have actually felt pretty close to normal....with the exception of having drains and no breast. OK, I guess I should quit saying that I don't have breast. The plastic surgeon was kind enough to expand me to a pretty decent size. I woke up having more than what I expected. Now I just have to focus on getting them the right size and looking equal to one another. I will be glad when the expanding process is over because it is really uncomfortable, especially since the expander's are under my breast muscle. I just keep telling myself that this time next year (hopefully this time in six months) this journey will be behind me and I can look forward to a living the rest of my life cancer free.

A couple of days ago I did a post requesting that you all pray for some very specific things. Well, I knew I could count on you because like always, your prayers worked. Today, I was actually able to wash my greasy hair, dry it, and yes girls...even straighten it with my best friend, Chi. And, on top of that, I applied my make-up. I know.....shocking! Please keep you prayers coming! If all continues to go well today, Ryan and I are planning on going to the Wednesday night prayer service at church. I want nothing more than to get out of this house and go and praise God for all that He has done for me.

I love what God is doing in my life. I pray everyday that He would continue to use me, strengthen me, and show me the true meaning of life! Thank you Lord!

Drive Through Mastectomy's

2008-07-22T15:14:00.005-05:00

Well, I am happy to report that today is a better day, not by much, but it is a better day. I did see my plastic surgeon today just to make sure I am healing like I should and that my drains "working appropriately." He reassured me that everything is going just as it should. That was good to hear. We are still set to have the drains removed next Tuesday. I am looking foward to that!

Now, to the real purpose of this post. My mom sent my an email last night that I felt was absolutely necessary to share with everyone who reads my blog. Please know that this is not an email that was forward to me. Rather, it depicts the difference between health care 20 years ago, when my mom had cancer, and health care now. If your reading this, then you probably know someone, besides myself, that has been affected by breast cancer. This is your chance to do something to help those that you know and love. Please read the following email and check out the links. You can make a difference!

This was written to me from my mom. Thanks Mom!

Hello..normally, I delete any forwarded emails with "stories" or "requests" to respond or forward to "10 of your friends", however, after your last post, perhaps this is the time to send this out to the many readers of your breast cancer blog. Thankfully, you have a wonderful husband and supportive family to assist in your recovery.

Twenty years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer in both breasts, within six months. I had two mastectomies, six months apart. After each surgery, I was kept in the hospital for a minimum of 7 days. I needed every day! This gave me time to recover my strength, eat correctly, get all of my "systems" going again, and have drains removed before going home to my family. I also was able to meet with support volunteers for emotional support and physical therapy (Reach to Recovery Volunteers).

A lot has changed in twenty years mostly for the good, but not always! While most
mastectomies today are not as radical and recovery is quicker, it is still a major surgery with an extended recovery time. Not only that, the majority of women going through this are older women, many with no husbands or assistance at home. I have met countless women who are on their own, OR may have husbands that are not able to
support them for valid reasons or selfish reasons. Regardless, the thought of
having a mastectomy in the morning and going home that evening OR the next day is
ridiculous! This is the norm today!

Not only are women having to deal with the emotional trauma of having cancer surgery
and losing a breast, they are also having to be their own nurses: milk and empty surgical drains, control their own pain medication, watch for infection, and wonder if they need to call the doctor when something unexplained happens, basically recovering on their own.

Below are two links: they are safe!

The first is a link explaining the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act, which, has no surprise, languished in Congress for years. There is a letter on this link dated 2001 from the AMA endorsing this legislation. Thanks to the representative who keeps
sponsoring this bill. Please read about it!

The second is a link to a petition through the Lifetime Network to make our voices
heard. While the petition is a great idea, direct contact with our own representatives who want our votes, is a better way to get the message across. As long as we continue to accept "blanket" medical decisions rather than personalized medicine, we will lose more and more control. I say put the decisions back into the hands of the doctors and patients!

To the many readers, this may someday effect you!

http://www.snopes.com/politics/medical/mastectomy.asp

http://www.lifetimetv.com/breastcancer/petition/signpetition.php

Hard Days Behind Me with More Ahead

2008-07-21T19:58:00.005-05:00

Well, the past few days have not been easy. It is so hard to for me to describe the pain but the best way I know how is for you to imagine what it feels like to have 50 pounds of pressure on your chest. You can't sit up, you can't lay down, you can only sleep on your back. There is no comfortable position. On top of that, you have a drain coming out of each of your sides that sucks fluid from your body and disposes of it in what looks like little plastic grenades that are pinned to the inside of your shirt or gown. These must be emptied twice a day...thank you Ryan. You can't shower and are barely able to bathe. You can't shave your armpits and washing your hair is something that you only do when it starts looking really greasy. And on top of all this, the pain medicine that you are taking causes constipation. Welcome to my world.

I have been feeling really down the past couple of days and have been waiting to post a blog until I was feeling better. However, I'm not sure when that will be. Because I know that so many of you are checking the blog religiously, I decided to go ahead and do a post and let you know how things are really going. I guess every blog can't be rosy posy. Also, if you all are checking the blog, then I know I can rely on you to pray. So, I am going to make a short list of some very specific things I would like for you to include in your prayers. Here goes:

1. That I would gain back some of my strength and that the pain, or whatever is making me so uncomfortable would subside.

2. That with each new day I would start feeling less victimized by my surgery.

3. That God would continue to pull my family through this.

4. That I would remember and continue to be thankful that I am CANCER FREE.

Thank you and I know I will reap the benefits of your prayers. This is the first time I have ever had a major surgery and I had no idea what to expect. I really thought I would be able to just bounce back. Ryan keeps reminding me that having both breast removed is NOT like having a tooth removed. It will take me longer, much longer, to recover.

One Day At A Time

2008-07-19T16:05:00.002-05:00

Last night went pretty well. After adjusting myself at least 10 times, I finally found a comfortable position to sleep in. I honestly think the hospital bed was more comfortable than my bed at home. I really wish that I had one of those mechanical beds like they have at the hospitals. It sure would make getting out of bed easier! Ryan has been a great nurse! I'm sure the nurses would be happy to know that he is doing a fabulous job on emptying my drains, accurately measuring the fluid, and recording the information. He has been at my beckon call. I can't do much of anything on my own and that is so frustrating for me. Just getting a glass out of the cabinet is a struggle. However, the most difficult thing has been my inability to take care of Charley. I have only seen her a few times since Wednesday. She is smart and I know she can sense that something is wrong with her mommy. I am looking forward to gaining a little bit of strength back each day. With that strength, I am going to hug, kiss, and hold Charley until she is just sick of me! Please pray that her sweet, innocent heart would be comforted over the next couple of days as she spends time with her grandparents and others. Also pray that she would be overwhelmed with love and that I would recover at a speedy rate!

On one final note, I have added my email address to this blog. I know there are a lot of people out there keeping up with my journey, some of which I know, and some of which I have never met. No matter how you discovered my blog, I don't believe it was by accident. If you wish, feel free to email me. I would love to know who you are!

Home Sweet Home

2008-07-18T18:51:00.002-05:00

I am finally home! There really is no place like home. I was greeted by Charley and that was just what I needed. All she wanted to do was give her mom some lovin'. Feeling her little arms wrap around my neck was incredible. She is at Nana & Grandpa's tonight and I know that she is being well taken care of. The house is extra quiet and I'm not sure I like it, but I know it is for the best while I rest and regain my strength. I am actually not in a lot of pain. However, I am also taking some pretty strong pain medicine so it must be working.

This morning, Dr. Geter, my plastic surgeon, came into my room bright and early to remove my bandages. I was a little nervous about this because I didn't know what to expect. I have to say, I was really impressed. I don't have much, but what I do have is shaped nicely and actually looks like a breast. Ryan and I were both very impressed by Dr. Geter's work and are looking forward the next couple of weeks as my breast really begin to take shape. It's exciting to know that I get to pick the size of my new breast. I know a lot of women who would love to have that opportunity! I will see Dr. Cavagnol next week and Dr. Geter the following week. Dr. Geter will remove my drains and that is a day that both Ryan and I are looking forward to.

When I left the hospital today, there was still not a pathology report. God heard my prayers once again because Dr. Cavagnol called me at home around 5:15 with the results. The pathology report showed no additional cancer beyond the breast! The tumor measured around 2.2 cm which was a little larger than first thought. The tissue surrounding the tumor was all clear meaning that the tumor HAD NOT spread any further into the breast. In addition, the lymph nodes that were removed with the breast did not show any cancer. They also checked my left breast for cancer and it was all clear! Thank you Lord for using Dr. Cavagnol to take the cancer from my body.

For those of you wondering if I will still be doing chemo, the answer is yes. Although the cancer is gone and I am considering myself to be cancer free, I am still going to take the opportunity to kill any microscopic cells that could contain cancer. These cells could be completely unrelated to my breast cancer. As I have said before, God had walked me through this entire process and I know that chemo is something that He has planned for my life, therefore I will obey Him.

Thank you for your prayers and continued support. May this journey continue to strengthen my life and yours. Praise God for His healing power!

I'm Cancer Free!!!

2008-07-17T16:01:00.006-05:00

Yea! I finally feel alert enough to give you all an update! First let me start out by saying thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers. I cannot even begin to describe the peace I felt going into surgery. My fears were swept away and I knew that God was right there with me, holding my hand every second. I have to admit that I don't remember much from yesterday. However, from what I understand, Dr. Cavagnol couldn't even see the tumor when he removed my breast. We are waiting on a pathology report, but that is just standard procedure after a bilateral mastectomy. As of now, there is no evidence that the cancer has spread. I am faithful that God was with Dr. Cavagnol as he did the procedure and that the cancer is completely gone. I am so happy that I went ahead with the surgery first and that I can now focus on healing and preparing for further treatment.

I will be going home tomorrow. The unfortunate part of that is that I will be going home with my drains. I will have them for about another 12 days. Apparently, I have a lot of fluid in my chest area that needs to be drained out. I want to do what is best, so I guess I will have to get used to living with the drains for awhile. At least I don't have to actually clean them out......that's Ryan's job. I can't tell you how much he is looking forward to that!

I really haven't had a lot of horrible pain. I have been on fairly strong pain medication which I know has helped. The downfall of that has been a horrible itchy feeling I have developed. So, in addition to the pain meds, I am now taking benadryl. Let me just tell you that the combination of those two drugs is almost enough to make you comatose! I am actually holding off on the drugs until later tonight so that I can eat dinner with Ryan and visit with my family. However, I am excited for the great amount of rest I will get this evening.

As I mentioned earlier, I know that so many of you have been praying because I can feel it within my soul. My mom and dad's Sunday school class held a prayer vigil for me during the hours of my surgery yesterday, and at last night's prayer service at James River, the pastor and entire congregation prayed for me. That is incredible. The power of prayer continues to work in my life. I know that through this blog lives are being touched. I pray that everyone who reads this blog knows the God that I know or comes to know Him. I am so excited because I feel that He has great things in store for my life. I can't wait to see how He uses me to bring others closer to Him. As crazy as it sounds, this is such an exciting time in my life. With each new day I am encouraged and strengthened by God's love and His work in my life. My prayer is that you are encouraged and strengthened as well.

I would like to end this posting by thanking all the wonderful doctors and nurses who have taken care of me the past two days. I will always remember Dr. Cavagnol and Dr. Geter as two exceptional doctors, chosen by God, to heal me and put me back together again. Thank you! I have also met so many amazing nurses while at the hospital. Thank you Mandy, Bobbie, Tammy, Deb, Candace, & Shelly for your exceptional care. I will always remember your compassion and the care you gave me, even when I was a little difficult to handle. Also, I can't thank my family enough for everything they have done. Thanks Sharon and Roger for taking such great care of Charley while I was in surgery yesterday. I know that she had a great time playing with her MiMi and PaPa. Thank you Ryan for your great care and compassion. I know this is affecting you as much as it is me and I really appreciate your strength. My mom has also been a great help during all of this. She has sat with me and been at my beckon call. Thanks mom. You are so awesome and I am so glad to have had you by my side through this experience. You are such an inspiration to me and I love you so much. To my dad, thank you so much for the wonderful prayer you said before I headed into surgery. Your prayer meant so much to me and comforted me in a time of fear and anxiousness. I am so blessed to have such loving parents.

I am looking forward to going home tomorrow and sleeping in my own bed. Although a big part of this journey is over, another part is just beginning and I continue to need all of your prayers. Please pray that I would recover quickly and gain my strength back. I can't wait to hold Charley in my arms again. Also, please pray that the pathology report would come back all clear. Remember, I am human and waiting for a pathology report is not something I enjoy. There is always some fear hanging over my head and following me around no matter how hard I try to get away from it. Please know that just as you are all praying for me, I am praying for you as well. We can all use prayer, and I pray that God would touch your lives and show himself to you just as He has done for me. Thank you and Praise Be To God for His unconditional love and miraculous healing.

Mel's Out Of Surgery!

2008-07-16T12:30:00.006-05:00

Hey guys this is an update from Hilary. I told Mel I would do some blog updates until she is up and ready to do them herself. Mel is doing great. Here are the details. She arrived at the hospital at 5:30 am with Ryan and her parents. She was taken back to surgery around 6:50 a.m. They told us that she would be in surgery approximately 4 hours. At 9 a.m. Dr. Cavagnol came out and informed us that she was doing great. That the mastectomy was completed. He said the cancer was isolated to the right breast. Praise the Lord! At 11:00 a.m. Dr. Geter the plastic surgeon came out to say that he was done with the reconstruction and placement of the expanders. Mel did fantastic!!! They were very pleased that she did not lose a lot of blood. After an hour in recovery she got a PRIVATE room. Another prayer request answered.

Currently, Melody is sleeping in her room. She will probably be out of it most of the day. Her family and I cannot thank you enough for your prayers. Please keep them coming. If I hear anything else I will be sure to update the blog. Mel's Cancer Free....Thanks be to God!

The Time Has Come

2008-07-16T03:22:00.002-05:00

Would you believe that I actually slept for about 4 hours last night? God was gracious in giving me at least that much sleep. I did wake up a little earlier than I had hoped, but now I am able to squeeze one more post in before heading to the hospital. This is it. Today God is taking this awful cancer from my body and I am faithful that I will never have to worry about cancer again. Thank you Lord.

Most of you know my husband Ryan, but for those of you who do not, let me tell you that he is the most compassionate and loving man I know. Yesterday, he sent me an email that really portrays who he is as a person. I wanted to share it with all of you so you would know the strength and encouragement that I am so very fortunate to have from Ryan. Here is the email that he sent me:

"Mel, you are more than a conqueror! You are guided by God....you cannot lose....He battles for you! Be comforted, accept the peace He offers you through this journey...its yours for the taking.

I, along with our entire family, are backing you up 100%!!

Thank you for what you are doing about this breast cancer...THANK YOU!!! I can't wait to see the look on Charley's face one of these days when she realizes how much her Mommy loves her!!! That will be a great day!

Stay strong, there are many people who are relying on you right now. As for Charley and I, no worries, no drama.....just know we love you and will be by your side for every moment of this! We look forward to NOON tomorrow....cancer free."

Lord, thank you for Ryan. Thank you for giving me such a loving husband who stands firm in his faith and sees the goodness you are bringing to our family through this unfortunate circumstance. We know that this is all a part of your perfect plan for my life. Lord, be with me this morning. Take every ounce of this cancer from my body. I pray that the cancer would still be contained to the breast. Be with Dr. Cavagnol and Dr. Geter as you use them to heal me and make me whole. Be their hands and comfort them as they work on me. Bring me strength and healing Lord. Let this be a day of celebration as you heal me from cancer. Allow peace to overcome fear and perseverance to overcome doubts. God you are so good. I love you. Continue to use me to further you kingdom. Amen.

Time to be CANCER FREE!!!

The Final Countdown

2008-07-15T06:49:00.002-05:00

Well, it's Tuesday. This time tomorrow morning I will be checked into the hospital awaiting my bilateral mastectomy. I can't believe it. It really is bittersweet. Today, I have my breast. Today, I have cancer. Tomorrow, I am CANCER FREE. Tomorrow, I don't have breast.....or at least my own. I am anxious. I am so ready to get this entire procedure put behind me so that I can move on with my life. I know requesting this is not necessary, but please pray for me and my family tomorrow and in the coming days. I am more worried about Ryan and Charley than myself. I can't imagine what it will be like for him to sit out in the waiting room for hours while I am in surgery. Please ask that God would bring peace to my family as they wait and wonder how things are going. For me, I would ask that you pray for the surgeons. Please pray that God would guide their hands and that there would be no complications. Finally, please pray for Charley. I know she will be in good hands and for those helping to watch her in the coming days, please make sure you give her lots and lots of lovin' from her mommy. I have instructed Ryan to bring the laptop to the hospital and am hopeful that I will be able to give you all an update tomorrow afternoon or evening. Your prayers have been incredible through this entire process. Please continue to pray. I know that it is not always the most convenient. I'll even admit that sometimes my mind is thinking more of the day ahead than of the prayer I should be saying with ALL my heart. I just want you all to know that when you are praying, I know it. I can feel peace in my heart and there is no fear. God hears your prayers.

Yesterday, Ryan and I celebrated the life of his grandpa, Kenneth Wagner. He passed away last Thursday at the age of 91. Ryan was actually named Kenneth Ryan Wasson and is so proud to carry on his grandpa's name. It was a beautiful ceremony and celebration of life. As I passed by the casket at the funeral, I was reminded that our bodies are just a shell that protects the spirit within us. I felt such peace knowing that his grandpa was dancing in heaven and that his spirit would live on forever. We must remember, that what makes us who we are is not what we can physically see on the outside. Who we truly are is displayed by the actions we show and the words we speak.

On one final note, I did get the results from the ultrasound of my ovaries. My right ovary showed a very small cyst. However, after speaking with my OBGYN, she said it is so small, that it is nothing to even be concerned about. They are going to do another ultrasound in eight weeks and re-evaluate the situation. Hopefully, the cyst will be gone and I won't have to worry about that part of my body.

Thanks again for all the prayers. I have a lot to be thankful for. Tomorrow will be a day of celebration and rejoicing as I am healed from cancer.

Bad Genes

2008-07-11T06:53:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I got the results of my genetic testing. I tested positive for the BRCA 1 gene. We pretty much new that this would be the result because of my cancer being hormone negative. Having this gene means that I had a 85% chance of getting breast cancer sometime in my life. I actually have an even higher chance of developing breast cancer in my other breast now that I have already had cancer. With this gene, there is also an increased risk of developing ovarian cancer by age 40. My mom actually went with me yesterday to get the results and was told since I tested positive, she also has the gene. Her paternal grandmother died of breast cancer at the age of 44. Because my mom has the gene, my great-grandmother also had the gene and it has continued to be passed down all the way to me. Charley has a 50/50 chance of having inherited the gene from me. However, if she did, I am confident that by the time she even has to worry about breast cancer, there will be a cure.

Because of the increased risk for ovarian cancer, I had an ultrasound done yesterday of my ovaries and a blood test. I should know the results of those on Monday. Receiving the results of the gene test yesterday only reinforced my decision to have a bilateral mastectomy. I'm not so sure that having the gene is such a bad thing. At least I know why I developed the cancer and how to prevent it from showing back up.

Last night I went to my mom's support group that she has been attending for almost 20years. I met some awesome women and was very encouraged by their stories of recovery and survival. It was nice to go with my mom and meet some of the women I had heard about for so many years. I am looking forward to going back and being an inspiration to them. This week, I would ask that you pray for strength. In addition, please pray that the ultrasound of the ovaries would come back negative. I am ready move forward in this journey so that I can move on with my life.

Bye Bye Boobies

2008-07-10T06:26:00.004-05:00

This past Tuesday, Hilary threw me a special party. It was a going away party for my boobies. When I first got my diagnosis, several people told me that before they had their mastectomy, they had a "going away" party. I loved the idea! Throughout this entire process I have really tried to remain positive and keep my humor up and running. I could not think of a better way to celebrate and honor my boobies than with a going away party. Hilary organized the entire event and it was so much fun. We met at Big Whiskey's downtown where we had our own private room upstairs complete with arcade games and a pool table. It was so great having all my friends come and support me. We were able to laugh, visit, and most importantly celebrate life and all that God has done for me so far. Of course, I had some boobie awareness stickers that I passed out to everyone. Hilary's sister, Rachel, was nice enough to go the breast cancer Foundation of the Ozarks and get a bunch of pink bracelets, ink pens, and other free hand-me outs. By the end of the party I even had our waiter wearing a "Feel Your Boobies" sticker and bracelet.

As we were leaving the restaurant that evening, Tom, our waiter, approached us and told us how his aunt and grandma had been diagnosed with cancer recently. He told us that this party had given him a more positive outlook on cancer and that he would be praying for me. Wow! How incredible! Another life touched by the grace of God.

Thanks Hilary for throwing an incredible party and thanks to everyone who was able to make it! Bye Bye Boobies!

Bye Bye Boobies

Click on the Album for more Pics!

A New Plan of Action

2008-07-09T06:38:00.003-05:00

When you have cancer, things change from one day to the next. As I have mentioned before, throughout this entire process I have been very proactive in finding out information about my condition. I have been responsible for my own well-being and the gathering of information. My oncologist was on vacation all last week which made things hectic for me. Once I had my surgery scheduled for this Friday, I called the oncology office so they could let Dr. Hoos know of my plans. I also mentioned that three weeks after surgery, Dr. Geter, my plastic surgeon, would be putting in my expanders so that throughout chemo he could slowly expand my breastless chest. It was then that she informed me that having the expanders put in three weeks later would delay starting chemo and that I would not be allowed to have any injections during chemo because of the risk of infection. This was very discouraging to me. What's the point in having the expanders put in before chemo if I can't even have them expanded?

Monday of this week I put a call into Dr. Geter's office. I explained to Dr. Geter what I had been told and thankfully, he gave me another option. The reason that he did not want to do the expanders at the time of surgery is because my skin needs to be able to scar to my breast muscle. If he were to put the expander in immediately following surgery and my muscle were to contract, it would create a ball in my breast that would never go away. Allowing the skin to scar to the muscle first, prevents this from happening once the expander has been put in. However, there is a procedure that Dr. Geter can do at the time of surgery to prevent this from happening. After my breasts have been removed (that still doesn't sound right) he is going to take a piece of cow skin, yes...I said cow skin, and stitch it to my breast muscle. Now, before I go any further, let me explain this. First, the cow skin has been stripped of all it's cells and is very sterilized. It serves as just a collagen. That is then stitched to my breast muscle which keeps it from contracting. At the same time, he can go ahead and put in the expanders and even expand them somewhat. This will all take place at the same time as my bilateral mastectomy. Then, after I have healed some, Dr. Geter will be able to fully expand me before I begin chemo. This will eliminate the injections during chemo and means that after chemo is finished, I will be able to have my permanent implants put in.

Dr. Geter's schedule was already full this Friday, so my surgery has been pushed back to next Wednesday, July 15Th. Since this procedure is obviously more invasive than just the bilateral mastectomy, I will be in the hospital for more than just one day....thank goodness! I am very anxious to have my surgery. That will be a huge step in the right direction. I can hardly believe that it was just one month ago that I was having my biopsy done. Who would have ever thought that one month later I would be preparing for mastectomy's and chemotherapy? Oh, how your life can change in just one day.

On one final note, my genetic test is back. I have to go into the office tomorrow to get my results. Both Ryan and I know what the results will probably be. However, we also know that God is bigger than any gene test. Please pray that the test would be negative. I would love to not have to worry about whether or not I might have passed the gene to Charley. God is so good and I know he will continue to carry my family through this process. I like to imagine myself being carried by God's arms to each appointment and each procedure. Once I arrive, He puts me down and stays with me until that part of the journey is complete. When it's over, He picks me back up and takes me to the next destination. I don't have to do anything. He does it all.

Me Oh My, It's Almost Surgery Time

2008-07-06T17:52:00.002-05:00

After today, I will only have four more days to enjoy my breast. I know that sounds a little weird, but I think I may have taken them for granted in the past. Thinking about never seeing them again kind of makes me sad. It does help when I think about my breast being deadly. That helps convince me that they must go. The one thing I have noticed over the past couple of weeks is that the only time I actually see my breast is when I am getting out of the shower or getting dressed. Other than that, they are always covered up. With that being said, I am at ease knowing that I will one day have breast again, maybe ones that are even better than these!

I haven't been sleeping very well at night. The thought of surgery is always looming over my head or present in my dreams. Today, Ryan hung a new calendar in our office. I purchased this calendar so that Ryan would be able to help me keep track of when to take my anti-nausea medicine throughout chemo. The calendar won't be serving that purpose for a few more weeks. However, today I went ahead and wrote all the dates on it for July and started filling in the days with our scheduled appointments. When I got to July 11Th, I first thought about writing "Surgery" accompanied with a sad face. However, I knew that this was not something to grieve over but rather to celebrate. So instead, I wrote the words "Cancer Free!" with a smiley face. God does not want me to fear nor worry about next Friday. I firmly believe that He wants me to hold my head up high and know that I am being obedient to Him. He has been so gracious to me through this entire experience. He has answered prayer after prayer. And now, He has given me the opportunity to completely remove this cancer from my body. I will obey Him and I will glorify Him through the entire experience. I will continue to allow Him to use me as a tool to further His kingdom, no matter what that may entail.

God Is So Good!

2008-07-03T15:23:00.002-05:00

Praise God! Today I got my results back from the PET scan that I had done yesterday. The test results indicated that there was no metastasis (spreading) and that the cancer is strictly confined to the right breast! Yea!! I cannot believe how God continues to pick me up and pull me through all of this. He is so incredible. Ryan and I are so happy. The wisdom and discernment that we so desperately needed, God provided. Thank you for your prayers. I hope you are all seeing the glory of God and how He is so much bigger than any of our problems. I am so thankful for all the prayer warriors I have out there! Keep praying and praising God for all that He has done.

Going into surgery next week will be indescribable. I know going in that I am coming out without my breast. However, I also know that going into surgery I have cancer, and coming out I am CANCER FREE! Wow! How could it get any better than that? Looking back on the experience so far, I have to say that I would not have done one thing differently. I feel fully armed to battle this cancer. I would encourage all women to gather their information before diving in and making decisions that will affect you for the rest of your life. The way I feel about my diagnosis and the decisions I have made are completely different than when I first found out I had cancer. God granted me the wisdom to slow down, ask questions, and make informed decisions. Thank you God!

Doing What's Right For Me (continued)

2008-07-01T16:45:00.002-05:00

For those of you checking the blog, you might want to read the post from earlier today if you haven't already done so. This morning I got a call from the oncology nurse and I am scheduled to have PET scan tomorrow morning at 8:15. Thank you God for providing this before my surgery. A PET scan is a full-body scan that uses very high imaging to detect cancer anywhere in the body, with the exception of the bones. A PET scan is one of those things that is comforting, yet scary at the same time. I am truly faithful that I don't have cancer anywhere else in my body. However, knowing I will be having a scan to check for this is nerve-racking. For now, it just gives me one more thing to worry about. However, I would much rather know what I am up against if there is more cancer somewhere else. Not knowing is much more nerve-racking. If the scan is clear, I will know for sure that I am making the right decision to have surgery first. If the scan shows anything unordinary, I will be able to have a chemo treatment at the end of the week. Having a PET scan will undoubtedly be a great way of gauging whether or not I am making the right decisions. I should have the results back from the scan on Thursday afternoon.

I also met with Dr. Cavagnol this afternoon and I am scheduled to have a bilateral mastectomy next Friday, July 11Th. Bring it on. I am so ready to have this cancer removed from my body. I am confident in Dr. Cavagnol and know that he will do a great job. The crazy thing is that I will only be in the hospital for one day! From what I understand the actual procedure is not horribly painful, which is good.

I am in need of a very specific prayer over the next couple of days. Please pray that the PET scan would be all clear. This is a HUGE thing and I desperately need to know that my cancer is ONLY in my breast. Thank you!

Doing What's Right For Me

2008-07-01T06:49:00.005-05:00

Well, I finally have some decisions made and some time to update everyone. There has been a lot going on over the past couple of days. As you all know, my lymph nodes where negative which is an amazing blessing from God! After finding out the nodes where negative, I had still planned on going ahead with chemotherapy first. However, because I had not spoken or met with my oncologist since first finding out I had cancer, I thought it would be a good idea to call him and make sure that having chemo first was still the best option for me. I had begun to wonder if having the surgery first, knowing that the cancer is strictly confined to the breast, would be a better plan of action. I called Dr. Hoos (my oncologist) last Thursday morning and received a call back that afternoon from his nurse. She told me that Dr. Hoos did want me to proceed with chemo first because I had been diagnosed with triple negative breast disease. When I asked her what this meant, she wasn't so sure herself. Being the end of the day, I hung up the phone and immediately began researching triple negative breast disease (tnbd). I would highly recommend that you don't do this. I am going to add two very reputable sites at the end of this post where you can read about it if you wish. After doing some research, I was completely paralyzed with fear. Basically, TNBD is a fairly new term used to describe a breast cancer that is completely hormone negative. This means that hormone therapy will not benefit me whatsoever and that chemo is the only regimen by which to kill this kind of cancer. In addition, TNBD tends to spread at a faster rate and has a greater risk of recurrence somewhere else in the body. The one good thing about it is because it does not respond to hormone therapy, it is known to respond better to chemo than other hormone positive breast cancers.

Ryan and I had a lengthy discussion about my situation and where beginning to lean more and more towards having the surgery first, followed by chemo. I called Dr. Hoos Friday morning and once again left a message for him. I requested to meet with him that afternoon to discuss my concerns. This was very important to me knowing that I was scheduled to have chemo on Monday. The nurse finally called me back later in the day and said that Dr. Hoos had left for vacation and would be gone all next week. I cannot tell you the feeling of abandonment Ryan and I had at that moment. Here I had just learned (through my own research) that I had a very unique cancer that only affects 10 - 15% of all breast cancers and I had no one to discuss my options with.

Later that afternoon I met with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Geter, and he discussed with Ryan and I the different options for reconstruction. Ryan got to handle a silicone implant and he enjoyed that part. I thought for a second that he might even try to sneak one in his pocket to bring home! After leaving Dr. Geter's office, we headed over to Dr. Cavagnol's for any last bit of hope or insight as to what our decision should be. Dr. Cavagnol explained to us the benefit of having chemo first. He also said it could be possible that there are tiny cancer cells somewhere else in my body that need to be zapped and by doing chemo first we would get a jump start on killing those cells. When we left his office, Ryan and I thought we had made up our mind and had decided to go ahead with the chemo first. However, there was a bit of doubt within the both of us that this was the right decision, despite what the doctors where advising. Over the weekend, we talked about the pros and cons of both scenarios. Every waking minute was spent hashing over what we should do. We gathered the opinions of others (some in the medical profession) and really prayed that God would give us a discernment, wisdom, and peace in regards to making a decision. When you have cancer, you don't have a lot of time to make decisions and that is very difficult. If my nodes had been positive, I would have been having chemo first, no questions asked. However, my nodes where negative, by the grace of God, so surgery seemed liked a better option. The problem is, my nodes are negative, but my cancer is aggressive, fast-growing, and tends to spread.

Ryan and I came to the agreement that it was absolutely critical that I meet with an oncologist yesterday before having chemo or surgery. We felt that it was our right as the patient to be informed about my condition. So, yesterday afternoon at 4:30, we met with Dr. Holden, the oncologist on call for Dr. Hoos. We told him that we had decided to go ahead with the surgery first. I did discuss with him the possibility of getting a PET scan before surgery. He told us that this wasn't really standard procedure because the size of my tumor is less than 2cm, my nodes where clear, and my blood work looked good as well. However, he said that if I really wanted one, he would order one. Well, I'm not going to turn that down. He went on to explain that there isn't any research to show that chemo before or after surgery makes a difference. He also said that because I am young and healthy, he believes that the chemo will destroy any cancer cells that might be floating around elsewhere. He had no reason to believe that the chemo wouldn't do its job.

Ryan and I left his office feeling huge amounts of relief and with this decision made: I will have surgery first, followed by chemo. We are hoping to have the PET scan done before surgery, but we aren't sure if that is going to be possible. The only reason I would end up having chemo first would be if I have the PET scan before surgery and something shows up other than in my breast. If there is cancer somewhere else (and we have no reason to believe that there is) then we want to start killing the cancer as fast as possible. If nothing shows up, then we are on to surgery. Surgery would mean that I am cancer free! There is a chance that I won't be able to get the PET scan before surgery because of scheduling conflicts. If that ends of being the case, then I will have the surgery, forget about the PET scan, and never look back.

Through this process so far, Ryan and I have realized that we have to do what is right for me. We have to also treat what we know, not what we don't know. What we know is that I have a triple negative breast disease that is Stage I with no node involvement. We know that the cancer is confined to the breast. We know that by having the surgery first, I am staying one-step ahead of my cancer. We know that by having chemo, I am killing any little cancer cell that is still trying to set-up shop in my body. Leaving a cancer in my body, no matter how small, is not a risk I am willing to take. While speaking to someone on the phone this week, (thank you God for bringing this person into my life) they stated that you have to make sure your entire body is moving forward in this process. I have to keep my eye on the ball and treat what I know, and what I know is that after surgery I will be cancer free!

I am meeting with Dr. Cavagnol this morning to schedule surgery and to make sure he knows how to use a scalpel. As soon as I know when I will be having surgery, I will update you all! Now that decisions have been made, please pray that this process would begin very soon. The sooner it begins, the sooner it ends!

Thank you God for giving Ryan and I the wisdom and peace we so desperately needed!

http://www.tnbcfoundation.org/2007peaceloveandacure.htm

http://nosurrenderbreastcancerhelp.com

A Few Changes

2008-06-29T20:12:00.002-05:00

Hey Everyone! Wow. It seems like forever since I have posted anything. Things have been extremely crazy to say the least. Today was Charley's 2ND Birthday. It is so hard to believe that two years ago Ryan and I were celebrating the greatest thing to ever happen in our our lives. Now, just two years later, we are facing the greatest fear of our lives. However, we don't allow ourselves to remain in fear for long. We know that God commands us to not be fearful, but rather faithful. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail in this posting, but I wanted everyone to know that I am not beginning chemo tomorrow. After receiving the news that my lymph nodes tested negative, we are leaning towards having the surgery first. However, because of my diagnosis (more on that later) and the aggressiveness of my cancer, we are trying to make the right decisions. Unfortunately, my oncologist is on vacation this entire week, so I have been left with a lot of unanswered questions and no where to turn. I am going to try and get in touch with my primary care physician tomorrow. Ryan and I are both hoping he can help us with some decision making. My plan by the end of the week is to be scheduled for a bi-lateral mastectomy or have had my first chemo treatment. Ryan and I have talked about our situation and probably come up with at least a hundred different ways to handle it. Please pray that God would give us discernment and wisdom in the coming days. We are longing for a feeling of peace in this decision making process. We are also aware that our way may not necessarily be God's way. Finally, please praise God for answering our prayers and giving me negative lymph node results. The journey ahead is a long one, but God is holding our heads up high. Thank you God for all you have done. Please take this cancer from body. Give me strength and healing.

Our Pictures Are Ready!

2008-06-26T07:02:00.002-05:00

The pictures we had taken last week are ready to be viewed! If you live in Springfield and ever need pictures taken, I would highly recommend using Jessica Oatman. To access our pictures, go to the link below. Then click on clients and enter charley as the password. All of the pictures are in both color and black & white. They will play automatically. Enjoy!

http://www.jessicaoatmanphotography.com/index2.php?v=v1

YOUR PRAYERS ARE WORKING!!!

2008-06-25T18:02:00.002-05:00

Today I got some of the best news. Both lymph nodes tested negative for cancer!!! God is so good and just as I was faithful, so were all of you who prayed on my behalf. He heard all of us and our prayers were answered! Since neither of the nodes tested positive, this means that the cancer is strictly confined to the tumor and has not spread! Yea!!! Thank you Dr. Cavagnol for calling me personally to tell me the good news! You made my day! Even though the nodes tested negative, I am still going to receive the same amount of treatment. Ryan and I went to Chemo School today. We were given some very valuable information. My first chemo treatment will be on Monday, June 30Th at 9:30. This is the day after Charley's second birthday. I never would have thought that I would be faced with cancer just two years after her birth. I did ask today about the possibility of having children after chemo. That doesn't look to promising at this point, but I know if God intends for me to have more children, then I will.

Before my chemo class today, Ryan and I visited LA Wigs. We both laughed as we walked in. That was one place that we had never been together. I tried on a couple of wigs. Wigs are weird. Some of them looked better than others, but they all looked liked a wig. I think I am going to be more of a scarf kind of girl. Easy for me to say now. We'll see.

OK, since your prayers are so powerful, I am requesting that you now pray for a smooth chemo treatment next week. I kind of know what to expect, but that first treatment is going to be a scary one. Please pray for little to no nausea those first few days. If I can make it through the first four days, I should be OK. Also, please pray that the genetic test would come back negative. This particular prayer is more for Charley than for myself. I would hate to think that I might have passed this gene down to her. God is so good and I have every reason to believe that He will continue to answer all of my prayers, no matter how big! Thank you all!

What A Long Day!

2008-06-25T06:32:00.004-05:00

Ryan and I were finally home last night around 8:30. Charley's Nana and Grandpa (my parents) were in charge of her all day. I'm pretty sure they were as tired as I was once we got home. Thanks Mom and Dad for taking such great care of Charley yesterday! Well, after my quick update yesterday afternoon (I'm still not over that procedure) I waited, and waited, and waited. While I was waiting, my best friend Hilary and her son Zachary came by to visit. She had gotten me some special dental toothpaste and other dental items to use during chemotherapy. Apparently the chemo can do some pretty yucky things to your mouth. Yippee! Just add it to the already long list of chemo side affects. Did you know there is actually something called Chemo Brain? This means that the chemo can somewhat affect your memory and make you feel disorganized and forgetful. I think Ryan is actually hoping I develop a little bit of this so called "Chemo Brain." Ha! Anyway, back to Hilary. For those of you who know her, you know she is an incredible person and would do anything for anyone. I feel so blessed to have such an awesome best friend. If you haven't checked the blog for awhile, she did a posting a few nights ago called Meals on Wheels. Scroll down and check it out and if your interested and be sure to email her. By the time this whole process is over, she is going to need meals provided for her family just to give her some much needed rest. You are the best Hilary and I love you to death!!

OK, back to yesterday. Around 1:30 I was taken back down to the torture chamber, also known as Nuclear Medicine. I am happy to report that this procedure was painless, just a little nerve-racking. The lowered a machine almost down to my forehead where I had to lay very still while a camera took pictures of my breast. This scan helps to give the doctor an idea of where the nodes are located so he can remove them more easily. The entire procedure only took about 20 minutes. Then, it was back up to my room where I dozed until they came and got me for surgery. The best part about yesterday was being put to sleep. I hate to say it, but I loved the feeling of just floating off to a "happy place." Where that was, I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure my "happy place" was anywhere but the operating room. Prior to that, I met with an anesthesiologist who attempted to get an IV started....twice. This is exactly why I had the port put in. I have horrible veins and it always takes more than one try to get an IV in. Once the IV was in place, it was smooth sailing. I spoke with Dr. Cavagnol briefly and then it was sleepy time. When I woke up, I was back in my room (after an hour and half of surgery and an hour in recovery) and Ryan was using his outdoor voice to stir me awake. I do not like his outdoor voice. It was very difficult for me to keep my eyes open and stay awake after having been in such a deep sleep. I did overhear the nurse saying that I wouldn't be able to go home until I woke up, so Ryan and I developed a secret code. If the nurse was coming into my room, he would cough and I would open my eyes. That seemed to work because I was going home in no time.

Ryan spoke with Dr. Cavagnol briefly after surgery and he told Ryan that they removed two lymph nodes from the right breast. He said that he didn't see anything unusual but that the nodes has been slightly swollen. However, Dr. Cavagnol didn't seem to think to much of it. He said they could have been swollen just due to the trauma my right breast has already been through. We are meeting with him on Friday afternoon and we should know the results. Please continue to pray that God would take whatever cancer they may have had. The port for my chemo is actually located on the left side just below the collarbone. I do have quite the incision and right now it looks pretty nasty. I am sore, but not has bad as what I expected. I was unable to lay on either side last night, and being a side sleeper, made sleeping on my back the entire night slightly unpleasant. The worse part today is that my right arm and hand have a little bit of a numb feeling. I'm not sure what that's about, but I am going to call the doctor later today to make sure it's not something to worry about.

Now that yesterday is over, I feel that I am all ready and prepped to begin my chemo treatments. Ryan and I have chemotherapy school today (yes, they actually make you go to school before treatment) and I should know when my treatments will start before leaving. I'll keep you all posted and thanks for the continued prayers.

On one more note....The night before last, Ryan and I were reading a devotion titled, There Will be Storms in Life. It is from the book Men Under Construction by Bob Barnes. He describes five principles that can help us when we encounter those storms that seem to knock our legs out from under us. They are:

1. God has a purpose for our lives.
2. God is for you.
3. We have God's presence.
4. We have the peace of God.
5. We have God's power.

He goes onto to say that when storms do occur, we shouldn't look down, or back, but rather upward toward the heavens, calling out to God for a new vision and a purpose for this event. I know that God has given this storm to me for a greater purpose and I am seeing it unravel everyday.

The Worst Pain Ever

2008-06-24T11:29:00.003-05:00

I have just experienced the worst pain ever. Thankfully, it is over with. I am currently at St. John's waiting for whatever it is I am supposed to have done next. I am so excited because they actually have wireless internet and I am able to give all of you a quick update. Ryan and I arrived at 9:30 this morning. Upon our arrival, I was immediately put in one of those lovely gowns. I didn't have to wait very long before I was taken to Nuclear Medicine. This is a scary place. I was warned prior to my procedure that it would be the worst part of the entire day. I couldn't imagine how with surgery scheduled the same day. I now understand why they warned me although I don't think anything could have prepared me for the pain I just experienced. Dr. Cavagnol came into to see me and explained that they do not give a local anesthetic because it can interact with the "radioactive dye" that they inject. What am I supposed to do with that information? Obviously I had no choice so we proceeded. The initial stick was not that big of a deal. I mean I did just have a biopsy done two weeks ago. However, when Dr. Cavagnol began injecting the dye, I thought I was going to come up off the table. I'm pretty sure that I was screaming, or at least moaning. I also remember saying that I thought I was going to pass out. In fact, I think I may have said a prayer that I would pass out. Once the needle was out, the pain only lasted a few more seconds (long seconds) and eventually subsided. Now I sit and wait. I will be taken back down to Nuclear Medicine within about an hour for some imaging. After that, it is back to waiting until I am taken to surgery for my port. Dr. Cavagnol and I have decided that for the procedure this afternoon I will be put to sleep rather than just "sleepy." I will have to go to recovery for about an hour, but it will be worth it. I do not want to be awake for anything else the rest of the day.

Meals On Wheels

2008-06-23T20:22:00.005-05:00

Melody has been blessed to have SO many friends that care for her. She has gotten lots of offers to help with food, babysitting, and other household chores. This is where I come in. My name is Hilary and I am "officially the meal organizer". In order to make Mel and Ryan's life a little easier and to eliminate lots of incoming phone calls, I am going to organize a meal schedule. This is how it is going to work. If you would like to be on an e-mail list to sign up for meals let me know by e-mailing me at hilaryaustinrdh@yahoo.com . Right now, Melody is thinking she would like meals two times a week. This might change...she will let me know if they need them more or less. Mel and Wasson LOVE all types of foods. They do not have any allergies and they like spicy. They don't have any dislikes or personal preferences.

There is also another way you can help. If you don't cook but would like to participate you can always mail gift cards for pizza delivery, carry out, etc to the Wasson's. If you e-mail me I can give you their home address. One other thing is if you chose to sign up for meals please try to put your food in a disposable dish or foil pan. That way they do not have to worry about returning your favorite casserole dish or plate during this busy time. Well, I look forward to hearing from you so that we can bless Mel and Wasson with yummy dinners. Thank you for taking such good care of Mel. E-mail me. Hilary Peacock Austin

I'm Tired!

2008-06-23T18:39:00.001-05:00

Wow. What a day. I think this is the first time I have actually sat down all day, with the exception of dinner and when I had blood drawn. Whew. I know most of you are probably wondering how my dentist appt. went. Well, I am proud to announce that I did remember where I was and did not make a complete fool of myself. Some of you were actually kind enough to remind me of my appt. today and I am grateful. I have to say that when they put the X-ray protector on me, I couldn't help but smirk. The thought of wearing only that was amusing.....and somewhat scary. Despite the crazy, stressful day, some good did come out of it. First, I had no cavities and my teeth were in great shape. For those of you that know me, you know that this is not common. I have bad teeth. Always have, always will. However, God was gracious today and for once I was able to walk away from Dr. Rosen's office with a "clean bill of health." I was also comforted in knowing that Dr. Rosen's office is praying for me. I am amazed by the banner of prayer that Ryan, Charley, and myself continue to receive. Keep it coming!!!

After the dentist I ran a few more errands in preparation for Charley's 2ND birthday this Saturday. I am so thankful that I won't have to begin chemo until the following week. Once again, God has been so gracious in His timing. Thank you. From there it was on to to the hospital for some pre-admission paper work and lab work. Tomorrow is what I consider the "kick-off" to chemo and treatment. Tomorrow is the day I get my port. For those of you who are not familiar with a port, it is a small device that goes under the skin between the breast and collarbone. The port will be used to directly administer chemo without having to find a vein and do an IV each time. I will have the port until I have surgery in November. I am so anxious about this procedure. A part of me can't wait because that means I am one step closer to being cancer free, and another part of me is scared, anxious, and somewhat fearful. I know having the port will make this whole ordeal much more real. The port will symbolize that I am sick and will be a reminder that I have cancer. Heck, now that I think of it, the port shouldn't be a big deal at all. If I want a reminder, I'll get that in a few weeks when I lose my hair!! Never mind.....Bring on the Port! I check into the hospital at 9:30 tomorrow morning but the procedure won't actually begin until after 12:00. In addition to the port, they will be doing a biopsy on my lymph nodes. I'm not sure if we'll know anything tomorrow, but please continue to pray that they would be negative. The less involvement, the better. Charley will be spending the day with her Nana and Grandpa so I know she will be in good hands. Hopefully I will have enough energy when I get home to give you all a quick update.

I also heard back from my OBGYN today regarding my annual exam that I had done last week. ALL CLEAR!!!!! This was very comforting to hear. I now have one less thing to worry about. I am working very hard on keeping all my medical issues above the waist....OK, above the ribs and below the shoulders.

Thank you for your continued prayers and please don't give up on me. I know sometimes we feel like we are repeating ourselves or that our prayers become redundant. However, I know a God who hears our prayers and especially those that are repeated over and over and over. We show our faithfulness to Him when we don't give up and continue to ask for His healing hand to come upon us.

A Sneek Peek at Our Family Pics

2008-06-20T22:45:00.003-05:00

I mentioned in my previous post that we had family pictures taken this morning. Jessica has posted a few on her blog and I would love to share them with you. She is so amazing! Enjoy the pics!

http://www.jessicaoatman.blogspot.com/

Finding The Right Genes

2008-06-20T12:03:00.004-05:00

I can't believe it has been one whole day since I have posted anything! Ha! Yesterday afternoon our power was knocked out due to a mother storm and I wasn't able to access the internet all day! Going without the internet has got to be similar to going without food and water. OK, maybe not that bad, but Ryan and I both go into panic mode when we can't access the internet. I know, we're pathetic. Anyway, yesterday Ryan and I met with a genetic counselor. She went over a lot of information in regards to the breast cancer gene. There are a lot of stats involved, but basically, if I have the gene, I am also at risk for developing ovarian cancer in addition to the breast cancer. It was important for me to have the gene test done so they will know what to do with my ovaries. If I test positive, they will check my ovaries to make sure there is nothing going on with them currently. If they are OK, I can keep them for maybe another 10 years or so and then I would need to have them removed. If I don't have the gene, they won't even mess with any testing right now. That is our prayer. The good thing is that ovarian cancer does not run in my family so I feel that threat is much less. If for some reason there is something wrong with my ovaries, they will have to be removed immediately. So, for $3150 I had some blood drawn and will know if I carry this gene in about two weeks. Don't worry, my insurance is paying for the test. Thank goodness.

I woke up today discouraged because it was pouring down rain. Ryan, Charley, and I had our family pictures scheduled for today. This was so important to me because I wanted to have pictures taken before starting chemo. As it was lightning and thundering, I began asking God to please clear the skies just long enough for us to have pictures. We were supposed to meet Jessica, our photographer, at 9:30. By 9:00,the rain had stopped and the sun was shining. God is so good. Jessica was awesome to work with. I plan on sharing some of the pictures with you as soon as they are processed and ready to go. Her work is incredible. If you need a good photographer I would recommend her. Her website is http://www.jessicaoatmanphotography.com/. Even if you don't need a photographer, I would suggest taking a look at her web site. She has a 2 year old son currently undergoing treatment at St. Jude's for leukemia. She is also expecting a baby girl in about a week. Her awesome attitude and kind spirit really encouraged me. She worked around my hectic schedule and I look forward to working with her in the future. Thanks Jessica!

Boy Are We Busy

2008-06-18T13:16:00.002-05:00

I am worn out. I can't believe that it is already Wednesday. Where has this week gone? On top of all my appointments, I am taking Charley to the doctor this afternoon. She has a funky rash, a fever, and refuses to leave my side. I'm telling you, when it rains, it pours. This morning I had an appointment with my OB. She did her little exam, and hopefully all will turn out OK. She also did a breast exam. This would the third day in a row that someone other than myself has felt my breast. This is becoming such a common "event" during my appointments. Go in, undress from the waist up, lay back, arms above head, touchy-feely time, get dressed. I have a dentist appointment next Monday and I am hoping I don't forget where I am. I would hate for him to come in and find me sitting there with my top off and wearing only the X-Ray protector. You might be laughing, but with all the appointments and running from here to there, I feel like I am losing my mind. Someone might want to remind me that I am going to the DENTIST on Monday.

I briefly discussed with the OB fertility issues. She told me that during Chemo I would most likely be infertile. Her hope is that 3 to 6 months after Chemo my body would be back to normal (except for my chest) and that having additional children would be possible. Ryan and I aren't considering more children at this point, but it was nice to hear that it could still be possible if we so choose.

Houston.......We have a surgeon!

2008-06-17T13:34:00.005-05:00

Last night was not a good night. I did not sleep well at all. I kept waking up thinking about my current situation and wondering if I am taking it all serious enough. I mean, I do have cancer after all. I began to wonder if I should be more upset or angry. Why am I not just boo-hooing all day, everyday? Why am I not absolutely terrified? Why am I able to feel confident about my situation and make jokes about selling my nipples on Ebay? Seriously, is there something wrong with me? Then I am reminded that I am in control of how this process affects me. There is no going back. There is no way around treatment. I will have chemo, no matter what, and since I am choosing to be more aggressive than my cancer, I will have a bi-lateral mastectomy. How I handle this process is completely up to me. I'm not going to lie. It is very overwhelming. By the end of next week I will have been to seven different doctor's appointments. That is not normal. However, despite all the appointments, each day gets a little easier. I know that I am one day closer to being cancer free and moving on with my life.

Today Ryan and I met with Dr. Cavagnol. He is going to be my surgeon. Both Ryan and I were very impressed by his level of knowledge. He was able to tell us that the tumor is not being fed by my hormones. That basically means that this breast cancer did not develop because of an over abundant amount of estrogen or progesterone. Therefore, I will not have to be placed on hormone therapy drugs. Because of my age and the aggressiveness of my cancer, he believes that it is a genetic issue. I am going to meet with a genetic counselor on Thursday. I will then have the gene test completed but it will take up to a couple of weeks before we have the results. If I have the breast cancer gene, it means that I had a 90% chance or better of getting breast cancer and that I also have a higher chance of developing other kinds of cancers. Because I have decided to have the chemo first, Dr. Cavagnol, myself, and Ryan all agreed that getting the gene test done quickly is a good idea. Next Tuesday, Dr. Cavagnol is going to put a port in and at the same time do a biopsy of my lymph nodes. This is where we hope that no lymph nodes are involved. It doesn't matter based on treatment, but if no lymph nodes are involved, none will be removed during surgery, and it will mean that the cancer is strictly confined to the breast.

Dr. Cavagnol was very supportive of a bilateral mastectomy and made me an appointment with a plastic surgeon next week. By waiting to have the surgery after chemo, Dr. Cavagnol told us that the mastectomy and reconstruction would take place at the same time, meaning I would have one less surgery. We mentioned to him that our goal is to be through this entire process by the end of the year and he seemed to think that was reasonable. Please continue to pray. I know because of your prayers Ryan and I are able to get through each day. This is not something I could do without everyone calling out to God on my behalf. He hears all of our cries and He will prevail!

On one final note, I received a beautiful flower arrangement from our dear friends Tom & Beth. Thank you guys so much. They are absolutely gorgeous! In addition, I received an awesome Wine Country gift basket from our friends Tyler and Hilary O'Banion and Honora and Ryan Bates. I can't tell you how excited Ryan is to dig into the crackers and cheese spread. My best friend Hilary has volunteered to do numerous things and be the meal coordinator. There will be more information on that at a later date. Please know that if I don't give you a direct shout-out, it doesn't mean that your kindness has gone unrecognized. We truly appreciate what everyone is doing for us. We know there are a lot of people out there who care about us and we feel so incredibly blessed to have such a strong support system. Thank you all!

Flower Arrangement

Wine Country Gift Basket